Published January 23, 2014
A CHRISTIANS INWARD BATTLE
An article by Bunie Arah
Inspired by the hit praise song: I know who I am -Sinach
“The title of today’s message is God will make a way, can I hear an amen?” the preacher said and the church congregation echoed after him. The preacher began droning on and I tried to listen.
Key word; tried.
I remember learning in Sunday school that fasting is being absent in the body so as to be present in the spirit. The spirit of God, the Holy Spirit, exists in the church, right? And even still, I was not fasting. I was just another human member of the church with a vulnerable mind trying to figure out right from wrong.
Many questions run through my head and there doesn’t seem to be any answers.
Questions like: ‘If God created us all, then, who created Him?’
‘How do I know He’s listening when He doesn’t reply?’
‘How do I know what He wants when I can’t hear Him speak?’
‘Does He speak or is He just the mysterious listener?’
‘If He listens, when would He act?’
'Why would He let so many suffer, after He’s heard our problems?’
We are a chosen Generation, called forth to show his excellence.
I know what this phrase means and with my exemplary series of questions you can guess I don’t have the answers. Well, I don’t pretend to, but I have reached my own conclusions.
All I require for life, God has given me, and I know who I am
Yes, that’s right, I do.
For I know the thoughts I have towards you, says the Lord, thoughts of good and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.
Many questions run through my head and I’ve only just realized that there are no wrong or right answers, just the truth; He cares.
Points:
Time spent:
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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140,859 Literary Works • 673,695 Reviews
Alright, the truth is that while this is a good piece, it's not an article or an essay. Both of those forms of literary work require facts to back up your statement, if you are writing an essay that agrees with your topic. Or, if you are disagreeing with it then you need facts to disprove your topic.
All technicalities aside, I can tell from reading this that you are a good, strong writer, and for that I must applaud you.
There are a few things that I would like to point out to you, however.
The words 'title' and 'amen' do not need to be capitalized. While it is true that they are important words in the sentence, they do not need that much emphasis and with the capitalization they look a little awkward and misplaced.
To croon is "To hum or sing in a soft, low voice..." Since you have made no mention of whether or not the congregation is singing a hymn then I would assume that the preacher is still preaching.
Now, I don't know about you, but my preacher ain't quiet. Not one bit. He wants to make a point, he bellows. Instead of talking, he shouts. He doesn't know how to have an inside voice once he is behind the pulpit.
My point with this whole section is that it doesn't make sense for him to croon.
In the first sentence, you do not need the second comma after the word "then".
In the second sentence, the word 'rely' should be, 'reply'.
In the last sentence, 'sufferings' should really be suffer.
Your conclusion is good. And as far as I can see there are no more grammar errors.
Now, let's talk about the heart of the piece.
Your topic was great. But you didn't go anywhere with it besides stating what you believe.
I'm not even sure what kind of work this is. If you changed the format and messed with the wording, you could turn in into a poem. If you added more detail and made it longer it could be a short story. But right now all it is is an opinion.
I would love to see this become more, because I can tell that you are a really good writer. This work just lacks structure. It isn't really anything right now, but it has great potential.
Now, I am merely a review here. A bystander, and person in the background. All I can do is offer you my interpretation of your work. Anything that I write in my reviews is not meant to offend you in any way, it is meant to show you how could you are, and give you advice on how to be better. You can disregard me if you so choose.
~Teen~
thanks very much! all advice taken but i'm out of the mood to re-write or make any adjustments to this, sorry, maybe next time
Hi there! Lucrezia here for a review.
This is a wonderful piece. It's so short and yet packs quite a punch. And is very deep, as well.
The questions posed here are very realistic, wondered by many—people who are sure of their faith, and people who are not. I wouldn't think someone could take those questions and turn them into something like this, but you did and the outcome was wonderful.
I also love the use of italics and bold. It real puts emphasis on the parts that should be emphasized.
One teeny, tiny thing:
The semicolon should be a colon. Also, remember when referring to God as "he" or "him," the H should be capitalized.
Otherwise, this is really an amazing piece. I especially liked the end:
It was a great conclusion to this piece and perfectly poetic.
Great work!
thank you, it's actually hard for me to believe i wrote it, i just felt something and i began writing and this is what came out, i didn't even proof read, nothing, thanks for pointing out my mistakes!
"listening when he doesn't really*"
Bloodvein praised your faith, but faith I find to be silly in such doses, much suboptimal to logic and critical thinking.
"Why wouldn't* he act"?
"I know who I am.*"
Welllll..... It was kinda nice until you went like, "whoever needs reason, he cares!!" -.- Not nice!
Anyway, you got my hopes up just to shatter them near the end. Thanks! XP
Hey, come on. I get that you didn't really like it, and that's fine, but there's no need to make fun of someone's faith like that. Religion and logic aren't mutually exclusive.
Okay. How many years ago did I write this XD
Yeah, I guess I was mean. Sorry ^.^
LOL! I forgive you Lapis! *fist bump*
Well I am not religious but I think this is a great piece. Apart from a spelling error I don't see anything wrong with this. You seem to touch on a lot of subjects I am sure many religious people often ask themselves about. I think the amount of faith in god expressed in this piece is amazing.