Published July 22, 2011
But what is said of the love unrequited?
it sits in the corner, biding its time
hoping to be realized belated
to ignore such beauty is crime
Though forever beyond my reach you be,
my heart becomes happy when I see thee
I wrote it pretty quickly without putting much thought into how it sounded, but it's one of my first poems. What do you all think?
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
138,932 Literary Works • 672,331 Reviews
Very sweet
So easy nd so simple, I liked it. Short poems are often the best ones, you didn'd drag on just said how you felt, it's honest and it's got emotion 
Good job
Aoow, short, sweet, simple and plain but yet so powerful! I love the little metaphors and even though, as Hayley said, a little more emotion wouldn't hurt this didn't had a lack of it so that's good. I don't have much more to say, no grammatic errors, rythm was good... I'd like a dot in the end and maybe a few more commas... and one more dot in the middle?
But overall.. NICE JOB! 4/5 spiders to you!
Good Luck & Keep Writing
// Demoness
It's cute and short and sweet! The only thing is I think you need a little more emotion? Maybe? I don't want to be too rude but I feel like a little more emotion is needed not just a rhyming pattern. But I still liked it and it's a great start!
If you need anything just write on the wall or message me!
You did good, keep writing it's an amazing talent!
Hayley
Thanks for the feedback everyone! I fixed the errors, and I'll be sure to write much more. I'm going to go read Mimi now 567ajt!
Well that's really nice. There's nothing quite like expressing your love for someone in a poem. You have used a lot of metaphors and very special moments where you make me (a guy don't forget) go "aaaawwww". I did the same for my girlfriend two years ago. It was awesome! Your poem is really good. My only suggestion: make it longer! But that's a good thing- this gives you more things to express about your love. Check out my own one for a bit of inspiration. It's called Mimi (the one I love). Anyways, great first poem. I'm sure this very lucky girl would love it.
Short and sweet. I like it! It's really cute and I bet that girl will love it if you read it to her. Ha-ha. The only error is that..
You didn't capitalize the "i"!
Yay! It's so pretty! I'm really happy you got one of these, cuz how else couls we correspond withought you having a face book? lol Im writing really fast cuz its two oclock in the mornig here in michigan, and my dad told me too, but im gonna have to text you really really soon! K, I love the poem, and like, unrequanted? Dont you mean unrequited? So that and yeah thats it so byee