Published December 20, 2008
Shaking nervousness
This must be what it’s like
When you can like without
Regard
To feelings
Or time
Or space
Or rules
The like of like
A clear chasm of possibility
An existential bond
Of attributes
The difference
Is beautiful
And scary.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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141,254 Literary Works • 674,330 Reviews
Hi, Beemarie! I'm Dark Angel, and I'll be critiquing your poem today. ^^
So, to start this off, I definitely agree with jMin here. The lines don't need to be the same length at all; the visual aspect is wonderful. Also, I really loved the way you come across with this. It's vague, but at the same time, it gives me a clear view of what you're talking about. Great stuff. (:
Wonderful word choice here! I feel like I'm right there with the author. That's great.
All in all, I have nothing bad to say about this! Wonderful work!
Hey, beemarie425! Welcome to YMS. You know, most people on this site are going to be like, "I don't like the way you formatted this poem. Can you make all the lines the same length to make them visually appealing?"
But that's not the point isn't it? Just because it's got meter, rhythm, and all that stuff, it isn't poetry if it's not speaking the truth, if it's not from the heart. Some people need to remember that.
I like you're little set up here, especially how you give each attribute its own line, emphasizing them, making them their own entity, more than mere words:
That's keeping it real right there. The real thing.