z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

The Move That Changed Everything.

by becca34


Once Rachel settled down in her house in Pennsylvania she never imagined she was gonna have to move again. After attending 10 different schools since pre-k she was ready to settle down. A year flies by and she finally has friends. 2015 is the year everything changed. She got word that she would be moving again, but not only to a different state like always. This time was much different as she was moving to a new country. Rachel was baffled, at a total loss for words. She had no idea how to tell her three best friends. She gathered everyone together to have a sleepover and that’s when she broke the news. Mia was in so much shock she laughed as if I was joking, Penny stared at me like a deer in headlights, and lastly Kya started crying not knowing what to do. Before they all knew it the time for Rachel to leave had come. She said her goodbyes not knowing what the future held. Little did she know it would be the most amazing four years of her life.

Waving goodbye with tears in my eyes was the hardest thing I had to do. I never wanted to leave my newest best friends. As we headed to the airport, I could feel the sorrow that weighed over our car like a big black cloud. No one was excited, except for my mom and dad. They kept telling us what an amazing experience this would be and how we should be grateful. Once we arrived at the airport we checked all 19 of our bags at the ticket counter and headed to our gate. Mom was chipper and looked as though she was walking with a skip, my siblings and I not so much. I leaned to my sister sarah, who was only in fifth grade, and whispered,

“you think it’s too late to turn around?” My big brother jacob butts in, he’s in ninth grade, and grunts out,

“yeah stupid! We’re already through security!” He was the grouchiest of all the kids because he had just started high school. We all arrived at our gate, but there was still one hour before we boarded. That hour felt like an eternity, but finally over the loudspeaker we hear “flight 659 boarding group B may board!” Which cracked out of the loudspeaker. This was our boarding group, I definitely wasn’t ready to actually leave. I stood stone cold in the middle of the walk away and started to tear up because I realize it will be four long years until I will be back. My mom gives me a nudge and huffs,

“lets go now!” Rachel and her family get settled into their seats for a long thirteen hour flight. The plane was set up where it has three seats an aisle, then five seats an aisle, and the three more seats. Rachel’s family got the whole row of five to themselves. Rachel immediately puts her headphones on and tunes everyone out. The long thirteen hour flight lasted forever but finally they landed at Haneda international airport. She was so scared because she did not know what to expect. They got off the plane and headed to get all nineteen of their bags and load them on the big shuttle bus to take them to their new house. The bus ride was two hours long and everyone was exhausted.This even though it was day time when they took off, and it was night time when they landed because of the time difference.

“WOW what a change of scenery,”

my sister Sarah said with amazement in her voice.

“No kidding. ya think,” I responded back to her. Everything looks so persetiaan and put together, it is so shiny and this is just the airport! I climb onto the bus and settle in because I am beat and ready to hit the hay. I lay my head against the window and slowly fall fast asleep.

“Rachel, Rachel, Rachel,” my mom whispers as she lightly shakes my shoulder to wake me up. “We’re here honey, this is our new home!” My mom exclaims. I am less than pleased, it’s a row house and ugly to say the least. This place is a third of what our other house was.

“Why can’t we go back!” I aggravatingly exclaim. My mom buts in

“Rachel, this is our home now and i don’t want anything ugly out of your mouth again!” I huff and take my things up stairs. I peek around the corner and only see three bedrooms, my heart drops to the floor.

“Please don’t be, please tell me i do not have to share a room with my little sister!” I am in middle school now and I need my privacy. Jacob laughs and says,

“HA! Sucks to be you. I have my own room.” He repeats himself in a teasing annoying way. I just throw a dirty look in his direction and go into my room. In two days we will be starting school. I have to unpack this suitcase and find the perfect outfit. Tonight is not the time though, I am exhausted. I climb into bed and pray tomorrow will be a good day.

I fell asleep for a few hours not even thinking I would have to be up in 6 hours due to time difference. 4 o'clock rolls around and I sit up in bed and stretch. AHHHH what a great night sleep that Rachel says with a big yawn. She grabs her phone to check her phone. Her eyes get wide as she reads the time and it says at 4:10 she can not believe her eyes. She has never had any experience with jet lag and knew this was gonna be a challenging day for her. Rachal manages to go back to bed for a few hours or so and wakes up at 8. She has a full day ahead of her. The first thing on the list is unpacking and then exploring the neighborhood.

“Mom, I am headed to go explore around the neighborhood.”I shouted up the stairs.

“Okay sweetie have fun but be safe!” My mom hollors back. As I peek out the door I see a group of people heading towards the field at the end of the neighborhood. This girl in the group makes eye contact with me. She is tall and piette with the longest ,shiniest blond hair I have ever seen. She jolts to a stop and the people around her do too. They start whispering and I know it is about me. What could be worse being the new girl or already having people not like you. The same girl who made eye contact with me starts walking my way, oh no please do not come to me, please turn, please turn. Next thing I knew she was standing right infront of my front door. I slowly opened the door,

“Hi my name is Ava” she cheerfully says with excitement.

“Oh, um hi. My name is Rachal. I just moved in last night.

” “That is awesome! I am in 7th grade. I have lived here for three years now.” “ What grade are you in.” Ava questioned.

“I am also in 7th grade” I shyly responded.

“OMG NO WAY” Ava Squealed “Do not worry we can be best friends and you can sit with me at lunch!”

OKay that sounds great thank you!

“Come Let me introduce you to some people”

Ava drags me to where the oher people are. There are three boys and one girl. I lock eyes with the most angelic beautiful blue eyes in the world. This is the prettiest guy hands down. I asked myself, “am I too young to have a boyfriend?” I think eh probably not. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him. I wanted to marry him on the spot. Ava starts to introduce everyone. She starts off with Josh, he is short and skinny with brown shaggy hair. Next is Lani. She kinda looks tomboyish. Her hair is black and in a slicked back ponytail, not a strand of hair out of place. Next she introduces Alvin. He is tall and has very broad shoulders, he is chunky and has very big hands. The only person I am interested in now is the last boy, Ava says his name is Zack and that he is her boyfriend. My heart drops to the floor. I can not believe my new friend i just met is dating the guy i know i am gonna marry one day. I guess we'll just have to see how long they last. We all head down to the baseball field as we strut down the hill. They fill me in on all the do and don’ts of the area and all the people. I am barely listening because I can't stop thinking about zack. We got to the baseball field and hung out for a little before I had to leave. I did not actually have to leave. I just could not stand to look at ava all over zack. Over the next few weeks it was the same we would go to school and then come home and hang out at the baseball field. We all grew closer as friends but I still couldn’t get over the fact that Ava and Zack were together. She was not nice to him; she treated him like a dog on a leash who had to do everything she said. I decided this was going to change. I was gonna break them up. I just had to find a way. On march 15 i finally found a way after 4 months of watching zack be pushed around i was gonna save him. My master only had one flaw, I had to get my brother Jacob to show interest in her. Jacob is tall, muscular and athletic, the biggest problem is he was in ninth grade and we were in seventh grade. He would never show interest in a younger girl but it was worth the shot. When he got home from football that night I told him I needed help for a scheme, he never said no to my schemes because I always ended up failing and it blowing up in my face. After dinner we headed up to my room and he did the secret knock to come in. Stay right there I yelled. I was finishing the plan and did not want him to see that it was so i could end up with zack because he would never agree to that. “ Well come on dude you told me to meet you up here and i am here. He agervatiliedly responded. Okay okay come in.

“Alright what is this big scheme of yours.”Jacob laughed

“ I need you to talk to my friend Ava for me.” I hesitantly said

“What do you mean I already do you dufus.”

“Well yeah but i mean like romantically”

“What in the world has gotten in your crazy head. I am in ninth grade and she is in 7th no freaking way i am doing that.”

“ Wait Jacob Jacob” “I will pay you.” That sure does stop him in his tracks. He turns around and looks me dead in the eyes.

“How much we talking”

“Yes, Yes, Yes,Yes i am so happy i could hug you.

“Yeah well do not even think about it I will push you off.”

“Okay whatever, I will pay you all my babysitting money next time I babysit.”

Sweet deal he says as he leaves the room. UGHHHHHHH, yes I am so relieved to know my plan will work. The next day I invite Ava over and I sleep over, I also invite Lani so she doesn’t feel left out. This is where Jacob is supposed to wow her and make her want an older football player. If we are being honest, which we are, Ava is kind of a hoe. Even while Ava has been with Zack she has kissed other guys and he has never found out. I have wanted to tell him for so long but I have not had the proof. This time will be different. I think to myself I am gonna get a picture of them kissing and send it to zack. The sound of the door bell loudly rings through the house, Ava and Lani are here it is go time. As I open the door I smile and say hey guys!! We all greet each other with hugs and head inside. Ava of course goes and says hi to Jacob because I know she has the hots for him, that is why I know the plan will work. My mom came out of the kitchen “ ohhhh ladies guess what is for dinner!!” I don’t even know she would not let me know. We all go racing to the kitchen almost tumbling over each other. OMG, we are making homemade sushi. This is my favorite thing to do. Ava shouts “BEST SLEEPOVER EVER” “From now on we are doing the sleepovers at your house” Lani jokingly says. After dinner we convinced my mom to let us do a fire and roast marshmallows. This is the perfect time for the kiss. I yank Jacob into the other room.

“What do you want he shouts as he yanks his arm away.”

“Sshhhhhh, do you want Ava to think something is up now. If you mess this up I am taking all 50 dollars back you hear me I mean it!”

“Okay, okay chill what do you want.”

“This is the perfect time for you to kiss Ava, go do it by the fire. I am gonna send Lani to my room to get blankets and pillows and tell her to get into PJs.”

“Alright just tell me what i have to do.”

“Just go outside and start chatting her up.” Jacob nods his head and goes outside. I stand by the window in the perfect angle ready for the shot. 2 minutes go by and bam Ava leans in for a kiss and jacob pecks her on the lips just long enough for me to take the picture. The rest of the night was weird she was so attached to him and would not stop saying how cute he was even if we reminded her she had a boyfriend. The next morning came and Ava and Lani left. I did not want to send the picture I wanted to show him in person so he would fall into my open arms with his broken heart. Next Saturday I asked him to hang out and he agreed. We went to the pizza place on the corner of the neighborhood. I was there first because I was so excited, I grabbed a table and waited. When he came in I waved him over. I stood up and gave him a light side hug. Even though my heart wants to give him the biggest hug in the world. “Zack, I am so happy to see you. It has been a minute.” ( It has only been like 3 days but that felt like an eternity to me)

“Hey hun , how have you been?”

“Eh i could be better, i have something to tell you but i really don’t want to.”

“ No you can tell me anything, what is up?”

“I pull out my phone, Zack. I sigh . Ava cheated on you.” I show him the picture and he starts to smile.

“Why are you smiling? I am so confused!!!”

“Finally he jumps up with joy, I can finally break up with her and be with you.”

My face goes pale and I manage to spit out “w-w-w-what?” He goes on to explain that ever since the day he saw me he wanted to be with me but didn’t want to hurt Ava so when he saw the picture it was the perfect opportunity to break up with her and be with me. Two days later he breaks up with her and Ava doesn’t even care she started dating a guy named Patrick who was a high school student, after she started dating him she left our group because she was too cool. Me and Zack started dating and everything was right in the world. I am so happy I got to move to Japan and wouldn’t want to change it for anything.


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10 Reviews


Points: 75
Reviews: 10

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Sun Dec 27, 2020 10:07 pm
AmbientGravity wrote a review...



Heya,
I thought this was well written, you have a knack for creating a compelling narrative even if it does have some issues. Your grammar and formatting are a bit out of whack at times, and you alternate perspectives, but that wasn't too distracting and those are honestly minor fixes. My biggest suggestion for you in terms of improving your writing is to go into more detail in your scenes. Use more descriptive language, and branch out in the way you introduce characters, diversifying your writing style will help to set you apart especially when writing for a more common trope. The only other issue I had was the focus on setting. The premise of the story is based on a change in setting, she is moving from America all the way to Japan, it takes you kind of out of the world of the story when she arrives in Japan and everyone has American names and speaks English. I completely understand not wanting to write something that you don't have as much knowledge or experience with, but perhaps the same effect could be accomplished by switching the countries so you can maintain continuity while still keeping that crucial plot point. Overall I think you have a really great start and with some minor improvements you could become a really strong writer.
Much love and good luck
-Gravity




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10 Reviews


Points: 1137
Reviews: 10

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Tue Dec 15, 2020 1:03 am
Calandra wrote a review...



Greetings.

I don't want to hang on plot / topic too much, but "Girl meets best friend's boyfriend. Girl falls for him" is a tad bit overused. Sure, sure, sure, do whatever you'd like, but I feel like I've seen this play out a thousand times and it ends the same way every time.

Now, 'My face goes pale and I manage to spit out “w-w-w-what?”' is first person, and 'Once Rachel settled down in her house in Pennsylvania she never imagined she was gonna have to move again.' isn't. Those switches are making it hard to focus.

Not much more to say.

Calandra




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93 Reviews


Points: 2211
Reviews: 93

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Thu Dec 03, 2020 6:06 pm
starbean says...



It was very well written, one note: you were switching between 1st person and 3rd person. Other than that it was really good!





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