Two figures were alone in the center of a room, staring wordlessly at each other. One, with midnight black hair and dark grey eyes, was relaxed and looked bored, while the other, with brown hair and blue eyes, stood with tensed shoulders. The one with brown hair simply raised an eyebrow as the silence went on, making the other smile wickedly.
"Do you want to do this today?" the brown-haired one asked.
The relaxed one shrugged, knowing that his companion would make the first move; he always did. That was his undoing, at least it was when the two faced off. As the grey-eyed one predicted, the brown-haired one sighed and shook his arms out, getting ready.
"Fine. I don't understand why you don't go first, though. I suppose you are just scared," the brown haired one commented, rolling his neck around a few times. "Thought that you would be the one of us who would be the least scared, but hey, you never know when it comes to you."
The dark haired one blinked slowly at his companion's words, knowing what he was trying to do. Again, every time, he would try to get under his skin and anger him, but anger only made him better. Somehow, no one had figured that out about him, except himself. It only fueled his energy, but right now, he didn't want to touch it.
In a flash, the brown haired one darted at his companion, but he simply stepped out of the way, leaving his companion to run past him. The dark-haired one tisked as his companion straightened up with a lopsided smile of his face, though his eyes held no laughter.
He smiled sweetly at his companion and said, "Now, you should know better than to charge at me like that, Greyson."
Greyson shrugged and walked up to his companion. "I like to mix things up." The dark-haired one simply raised an eyebrow in response and his companion copied him. Then, Greyson stepped back and held out a hand. "Here," he said.
Grey eyes searched blue eyes cautiously, and the grey-eyed one took the hand, but nothing happened. Greyson was planning something, and he knew it. That is what they were taught, to plan when people expect you to do something so that you can do the opposite. However, with two similar minds going up against each other, there were little ways to outwit the opponent. Still, it could be managed, and the dark-haired one knew that.
Suddenly, Greyson lashed out and his companion jumped away from his fist at the last minute, just to block a kick seconds later. Now that it had been started, the two companions were like well-oiled machines, moving smoothly, not allowing anything to touch them, but not getting to touch the other. They moved forward and backwards, but nothing happened. Once, Greyson found a crack and was able to knock the dark haired one down, but he just got back up, and it started again.
One thing that the dark-haired one had found interesting about himself was that it was a way to use all senses at once. He could hear, see, smell, and feel anything and everything that was happening around him. That was something that had always set him apart from everyone else, and he knew it. He knew things that other people didn't, he heard things that he wasn't meant to hear, and he felt things that weren't his feelings to feel. But, in this moment, none of that matter. All that mattered was the blood rushing through his ears, the heartbeat that was going faster than normal, and the flaw that he had finally found in his opponent.
Time slowed as the dark-haired one spotted the flaw in Greyson's stance, but then it disappeared, but he knew it would appear again. A few seconds later, Greyson's right arm loosened, enough to do some damage. Quickly, the dark-haired one lashed out, grabbing Greyson's arm and twisting it around. Greyson let out a cry, making the dark-haired one wince since it was his friend, but he still forced him to the ground.
Crouching down, the dark haired one caught his breath and whispered into Greyson's ear, "Way to mix things up."
Greyson swore under his breath as his companion let go of his arm and smiled. He got up, rubbing his shoulder and looked at his companion. "Gosh, what did you do?"
The dark-haired one shrugged, a small part of him regretting that he had hurt Greyson's shoulder, but the other part was happy for winning. He wiped his forehead, riding it of the small band of sweat that had formed, and answered, "Popped it out of place."
"Seriously? Did you really have to do that?"
"Yeah."
"Soul, I am honestly surprised that you haven't killed me yet," Greyson said, walking over to his companion while holding his shoulder. Turning his back to Soul, he removed his hand from it and motioned towards it. "You can at least fix it; it isn't popping back in."
Soul shook his head at his friend and put a hand on each side of Greyson's shoulder. Then, he pushed it until he heard a pop. Greyson let out a sigh and Soul winced at the pain that radiated more strongly than he had expected from his friend's shoulder. He pressed two fingers into each side of his temple as a sharp pain stabbed through it, but left as quickly as it had come. However, a dull headache remained and Soul didn't even bother to sigh; the headaches were more often as things like this started happening more.
"Overload?" Greyson asked simply as Soul removed his fingers from his head. Soul nodded and Greyson frowned, then smiled brightly. "I know what will help you!"
Soul shot his friend a dead look and shook his head; he was drained from the sudden pain. When this happened, it either drained him or gave him a burst of energy, depending on what happened. Soul looked down at his hand, twisting his hand around while bending and unbending his fingers. Across the room, a small creak of metal echoed through the room and Soul immediately stopped.
"I just want some time alone," Soul muttered.
Greyson nodded slowly. "Okay. Just, don't do anything stupid."
Soul smiled crookedly, looking up at his friend. Greyson was also smiling, but it didn't reach his eyes. Soul noticed that and his own faltered. "Why would I do that?"
"You experiment, and do the stupidest experiments ever thought up by any human, before or after the Nuclear Era."
"The Nuclear Era," a new voice announced, making both boys spin around the see a girl walking casually into the room. She had light brown hair and green eyes that were focused on the two friends. An air of confidence radiated from her, but Soul could also feel that she was a little hesitant. "The three hundred year period of time that began with the world superpowers trying to kill each other with bombs and ended with the formation of where we live to today."
"Who are you?" Greyson asked bluntly.
"I'm Ida. Who are you?"
"Greyson, and this-"
"I know who that is," Ida interrupted, making Soul frown and itch to reach out to her and find out how she knew him. "Woah, don't even think of doing that." Soul blinked in surprise and Ida nodded. "Yes, you. I know your tricks, and I want to keep myself to myself. I only know of who you are because of what your father told me on the way here."
"Why are you here?" Greyson asked in a hostile tone, crossing his arms.
Ida shot Greyson a glare, which he returned. "His father wanted me to come here to... well..." Ida trailed off, and Soul raised an eyebrow while she furrowed her own, "to tell you something!"
After she didn't finish, Soul asked, "Which is?"
Ida seemed surprised at his voice and blinked a few times. "Um... you two... need-"
"You don't have to tell us anything," Soul said bluntly. He could easily tell by her discomfort that she hated to lie, and that was what she was doing right now. "You suck at lying."
"That isn't a bad thing."
"It is in this world," Greyson muttered and went to grab his bag. Returning, he said, "Now, unless you have anything to say, you are welcome to leave; we have places to be."
Ida's lips turned into a frown and her eyes into a glare. "Like where."
"Anywhere but here."
Soul stayed silent, observing the girl. He noted that she was a little on the short side, but what she lacked in height she made up in the fiery attitude. However, he could tell that underneath she was just a quiet girl who would rather not be here, and he didn't take it upon himself to blame her for it.
"Right, Soul?" Greyson asked, snapping him back to reality.
"What? No," Soul answered instinctively.
Greyson glared at him and Soul frowned, wondering what his friend had said. This happened every so often, with him zoning off and Greyson just continuing to talk until he finally realized that Soul wasn't hearing what he was saying.
Greyson let out an audible sigh, but didn't even bother asking whether Soul had heard him or not. "I said, we were about to continue training, right?"
Soul frowned; he thought that the two of them had agreed on just going and doing whatever. He needed some time to rejuvenate, but Greyson had known that, so Soul knew something else was his reason. Soul's eyes flickered to Ida, who was watching Greyson with a scowl on her face, and Greyson was returning the look.
"Why, no. I was actually going to go to my room; I have stuff to do," Soul replied, smirking at the glare that Greyson sent his way.
"Are you sure?" Greyson asked, trying to seem like he couldn't remember what imaginary conversation had happened.
"Totally. Now, I must be going."
Soul started to walk away, but Greyson's hand shot out and grabbed his arm. Greyson looked at him with a pleading expression and Soul in turn just raised an eyebrow. Then, he glanced down at Greyson's hand that was wrapped around his upper arm and glared at it. Immediately, Greyson's hand flew off and Soul returned his gaze to Ida. Ida was watching the small scene with her head cocked to the side.
"What all can you do?" Ida asked, bringing her eyes slowly to Soul's.
Soul shrugged, not wanting to discuss the subject. In a response, he turned and started walking away, this time not being stopped by Greyson's silent hand. Soul heard the beginning of a conversation between Greyson and Ida, but he quickly tuned them out, not in the mood to listen to their bickering.
Soul reached the door and it slide to the side with a small hum, revealing a short hallway. Metal doors lined it, some open and some closed. In the ones that were open, you could see men and women running, stretching, and sparring. A large window was placed at the end of the hallway, allowing light into brighten the normally dim hallway. Beside it, on both walls, were two elevators. Soul stopped beside one and pressed the down button.
The doors slid open and Soul stepped into the white and grey elevator. He pressed the first floor, but just before the doors closed, a hand shot into the slimming gap, stopping the doors. Soul's eyes widened in slight surprise as Ida hopped in, smiling at him. He just stared back at her, not sure what to do, as the doors closed.
"So... where are you going?" Ida asked, her green eyes staring intently at him.
"First floor," Soul responded.
"Me too. Where are you going after that?"
"The Summit."
"I'm going there later on this week. You live there, though, don't you?"
Soul nodded stiffly, watching the numbers slowly wind down from 10... to 9
"That place is so cool. It is huge, open, sunny, pretty-"
... to 8...
"-and fancy. I also like the architecture and think that the way-"
...to 7...
"-that it is built into the mountain is amazing."
...to 6...
"I mean, how is that even possible? It is ignoring laws of physics!"
...to 5...
Soul frowned slightly at that last observation, but Ida continued, "It could fit almost a thousand people I bet! I-"
...to 4...
"-read somewhere that one time three thousand people fit into it."
...to 3...
Soul sighed to himself as Ida continued to marvel at how big the Summit was, but he already knew all of this. He lived there, after all. the actual place was actually too big, too fancy, and just too everything for Soul. Too many people were there, and, even though his family had their own floor, he still and to see all of the snobby and ignorant Govens and high up officials.
A ding brought Soul out of his thoughts, and he smiled inwardly as the doors opened. They were immediately greeted by fresh air since they had taken the elevator that led outside. Soul stepped out and Ida was actually quiet for once. He immediately felt the heat rising from the black obsidian that was placed as the floor and was tempted to see just how hot it was. Soul withheld himself and instead looked at Ida, who had walked farther and was looking at The Circle.
"This looks so different up close," Ida whispered.
Soul agreed silently and walked over to her. He stopped by her and looked up. They couldn't see it all, but only the black, white, and a small part of the grey building in the separation of the black and white buildings. The Circle was a formation made up of three buildings that were in every city, and had been there since anyone could remember. There was one white, one grey, and one black building that were all curved and fit to form a circle with a little space in between each separate building, and a bigger circle of space before it that separates it from the city. They were actually more like skyscrapers, and the biggest buildings in Ascalon, easily dwarfing every other one in height and power.
Each building was to serve a separate purpose, the white being the most welcome and the black being the least. The white building is for the people of the cities, where they go for help, advice, or anything that they need. In the space before it, there is a park, where kids will come and play while their parents go inside. The grey is for the government, where meetings are held, courts are convened, and some government officials live. In its space, there are statues of famous leaders dotting it and a stream surrounding it. Lastly, the black. The black is for the military force that help to keep the cities clean from outlaws and trouble. No one goes to it, and the space around it is just black obsidian.
Soul watched as people coming in and out of the white building eye him carefully before turning away. He didn't react to them; he was used to it. If you came and went out of the black building, everyone knew who you were.
Soul heard a quiet sigh and turned to see Ida looking at the edge of the city wistfully. Her eyes were sad and her lips set into a small frown. As if feeling his gaze, she wiped the look off of her face before turning towards him. She studied him, and he studied her.
"So, where are you going?" Ida asked, breaking the silence that Soul didn't realize had formed.
Soul frowned and looked up to the mountains, his eyes settling on the building that was built into it. "Up to the Summit, I suppose."
"You could show me around the city if you didn't want to go up there."
Soul turned towards Ida, not sensing any excitement, but just genuine curiosity. "You are new, aren't you."
"In some sort, yes. I have been here before, but just briefly."
"Then why not?"
Ida looked surprise at his willingness, before recovering and smiling widely. "Awesome! We can take the bikes, or, oooh, do you have a car?"
Soul smiled slightly and shook his head.
"I thought you would, being Cato's son and all, but who cares! I've always wanted to see Ascalon! Can we go to the center of it?"
Soul nodded, and started off to a place that rented bikes. Not many cars were left after the Nuclear Era, and the ones that were were preserved. Now, it is too expensive to make cars to most people walk or ride bikes. It was better, Soul supposes, than just sitting still for long periods of time like people used to do. He would rather be walking than sitting, standing than lying, moving then staying still.
Ida squealed in delight, earning a few odd stares, as she saw a shop that she liked. Turning to Soul, she met his gaze with a wide smile and exclaimed, "I have heard about his place from my friend! Let's go, can we?"
Soul sighed and slowly nodded, not used to her over the top happiness.
"Thanks, Soul!"
Soul instantly tensed, his small smile immediately disappearing. She had called him his true name, Soul. No one dared to call him that; he hated it when people said it. Not very many people knew that that was his birth name, and only thought that he was named Castor. His father had named him Castor, but he knew that somehow that wasn't his real name. Soul knew his father agreed with him, since he knew about the name Soul and sometimes even used it against him, but no one else would. Not that he gave them the chance to even think about it since he would never tell people that he wasn't close to.
Greyson was the only one who called him Soul, and who Soul allowed to. Soul's two brothers used to do it sometimes when he was younger, in a teasingly manor. They stopped by the time Soul was fifteen. How Ida knew it, he knew right away. It was his father. Soul's father never told anyone, for the most part, but he knew why he had told Ida. His father had been wanting Soul to get friends, high up friends, and girls at that, for about a year now. At the age of eighteen, Soul's father had quickly taken up the idea that Soul now needed to fill the role of a leader's son. One of those roles was finding someone that would ensure that he stayed high up, even if something happened to his family.
Soul didn't want to be like his father, all occupied with duties and never free to do anything. He didn't want to grow up and be a man who just did politics. Instead, he simply wanted to be what he was now. Soul sighed, running a hand along his face in an attempt to break up his thoughts; they were sometimes to heavy for his own good.
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G’day, this is the Chirave Canicthus here to review your work!
I like the title, and I’m surprised that more people haven’t been reviewing because of it. It still feels a bit overused to me. Maybe find something that can be a bit more relevant to the story, even at the beginning.
It feels like a dark story, and almost dystopian, though I don’t think its outright stated. I think you’d be going for mystery by not mentioning the main characters’ names until we’re a good way into the chapter, but not knowing who people are isn’t exactly the best way to get people sucked in. Maybe you should put their names in a bit closer to the chapter’s beginning.
The mood almost seems somber, and if this were put into a visual adaptation, I’d imagine a lot of underground corridors and cold lighting. Not to say that isn’t bad of course.
I’m having a small problem with your characters. In particular, Soul stuck out to me. I didn’t read your prologue before getting into this one, but I don’t see how Soul can read thoughts and emotions. It seems too convenient how he saw nearly all of Ida’s personality, even if she didn’t show much of a fiery personality at all.
Greyson seems balanced, and the kind of guy I would like to hang out with. I put him at the top of my character list.
Ida, I’m not too sure about. She seems bubbly and fun, and I’m scared she’s going to turn out to be a comic relief character. But I can’t be too sure because I haven’t seen enough of her. (But it’s great that she’s a bad liar. We need more of those.)
Good on you, I haven’t found any grammar mistakes, but I think I just need to point out showing and telling. It’s great that you put some exposition in Ida’s dialogue, but in other parts, she gave an entire spiel about the superpowers and the nuclear age. Be careful with that, and maybe reveal nuclear era stuff slowly in later chapters.
To close up, I really like this chapter, and am happy to be the one banishing it from the Green Room. So, yeah! Have a good review day!
Keep writing!
*The chirave flies away*
A pretty decent chapter you've got here. The beginning, I thought, was a little shaky, but it drew me in fairly quickly. Let's go over some sentences first, though.

Good luck.
"was relaxed and looked bored, while the other, with brown hair and blue eyes, stood with tensed shoulders." I think this would sound better if you replaced the 'looked' with 'appeared'.
""Do you want to do this today?" the brown-haired one asked." This is obviously a typo because what he said doesn't make any sense.
"not allowing anything to touch them, but not getting to touch the other." This would sound better if put something like this, "but also failing at landing anything against their opponent."
"But, in this moment, none of that matter." I think you meant 'mattered'.
"Time slowed as the dark-haired one spotted the flaw in Greyson's stance, but then it disappeared, but he knew it would appear again." Two things: First, instead of 'flaw' I think you should change it to 'it', which the reader would automatically suspect was the flaw, while also being mysterious. Second, since you already used 'but', the 'but' before 'he knew' should be replaced with 'thought'.
"making the dark-haired one wince since it was his friend" This would flow better if said like this, 'making the dark-haired one wince, for it was his friend'.
"riding it of the small band of sweat that had formed" 'riding' should be 'ridding'.
"the headaches were more often as things like this started happening more." This would flow better as, 'the headaches were occurring more often now that things like this were happening more.' or something like that.
""Like where."" There should be a question mark here.
"the actual place was actually too big," The 't' in 'the' should be capitalized and the 'actual' is unneeded.
""You are new, aren't you."" There should be a question mark here.
"they were sometimes to heavy for his own good." 'to' should be 'too'.
Okay, now I want to discuss the actual story. Throughout the entire chapter I was lost on what age these characters were. At first, I assumed they were grown men, then somewhere in the middle I got the notion that they were about twelve, then near the end--before you told me that Soul was eighteen--I just decided that they were teenagers, probably sixteen or seventeen. I just thought that is something I should mention.
Also, I found that some of your dialogue was unrealistic. I know this can be hard sometimes, I've had to struggle with this a lot, but remember, you want your reader to feel like these are real people, and in order to do so, they have to at least talk like real people. However, if these characters were in fact twelve, like I had previously assumed, then the problem wouldn't be near as large. Seeing as Soul is eighteen, and I automatically guess that Greyson and Ida are about that age too, I don't think that any of them show the amount of maturity that would come with being that age.
Another thing you need to work on is the fight scene in this chapter. While sometimes it's best to be vague about what's happening or not really have anything happen at all, in this case I think it would have been more beneficial to get more up close and personal, more descriptive of what is happening. When I'm reading something, the two most important things for me are the fight scenes and the character interactions. Both must be real and have meaning.
Please don't think that this story is bad based on what I've said to you. Like I said in the beginning, it's pretty decent, and you got a lot of things right, but every story, and I mean EVERY story, has its flaws and areas where it can improve. I hope I've been helpful in my review, sorry if I've put you down, that is not my intention. I can see potential in your writing and a flash realism in your characters, just keep trying.
- BookWolf
*is not a guy*

I appreciate your support, jozmancry.