Published January 8, 2011
He walked through the cold, pouring rain, unaware of his location and unsure of his destination. He no longer cared for such unimportant matters, and now believed that his thoughts should be reserved only for things that resembled importance in life. Things like Elizabeth.
Henry longed to hold her in his arms once again; to feel her heart beat and to hear her say his name, deeply engraved into her memory. But, no matter how much he longed and willed for it to come true, his mind forced him to accept what was now his reality, dark and lonely.
He’d felt like he had lost her long before, when she had been diagnosed by Alzheimer’s disease, but it was too much to bear to lose her again. It had been years since Elizabeth had remembered Henry’s name, or even recognized his face, and it had broken his heart, but he had always gotten by with the hope that she may someday remember him and everything they had been through together. But, with the passing of this unexpected nightmare, Henry was left to live with nothing: no Elizabeth to love, no hope for her memory, only emptiness.
On that warm summer’s night, so long ago, that Henry had wed Elizabeth, it seemed as though their future together would stretch on forever, never dying or breaking. He hadn’t even considered the possibility that someday down the road, something strong and horrible would have the ability to keep them apart.
They had married very young, growing older and closer together as each year passed. The life they built was everything he had ever wished for, the mere presence of Elizabeth in his life keeping him happy.
He had relied on her so deeply that the day she could no longer live at home with Henry was the hardest to endure, before now. The rain felt like ice as drop after drop fell upon him, freezing and numbing his skin. It was falling so quickly now that he could not see far ahead of him, much as he felt without Elizabeth by his side.
He continued walking, aiming for nowhere but a place to seek happiness, although only half-heartedly, as he believed that no place on earth could achieve such a thing.
Henry walked as far as his old legs could carry his heavy heart, until he found a bench to sit down. The wedding ring he wore on his finger, binding his heart to Elizabeth’s, suddenly felt warm against his skin, and he removed it to hold closer to his heart.
He sat there, in the dark night and cold rain, for what seemed like eternity, his empty heart slowing, and his eyes no longer able to stay open.
Elizabeth was gone forever, the other half of Henry’s heart missing. He could no longer go on. He laid his back on the seat, releasing the pain from his heart.
Slowly, the rain disappeared, the cold drifted away, the bench was no longer beneath him. Elizabeth was in his heart as it took it’s last beat, allowing Henry to join her. He could not live without her.
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138,977 Literary Works • 672,393 Reviews
Hi!
This almost made me cry. My grandmother died in almost a similar way. It's obvioust that this man loved his wife and who doesn't love that kind of story.
Job well done.
~Shorty
Wow..... This was truly amazing. The emotion in the piece was so raw and powerful, that it was magical. It break my heart reading this, but I love it. It's a bittersweet story. I loved your first sentence and your title promises something great, and it delivers. Your writing style is lovely.
Great job!!!!
This is a decent piece I can't really say it was good but in all honesty it has potential to get there. I felt in the first sentence you could have described what the rain had made him look like.
What did his Elizabeth look like?
What kind of person was Elizabeth?
I feel as if you rushed right into writing about her sickness instead of elaborating on when it really took her away from him. I also really would have enjoyed a better visual of their wedding day like saying what the inside of the church looked like if they were married in a church. How he felt when he looked at her and how she felt about him in the moment. Things like this can really make a difference in a persons writing. But you don't want so much detail that people turn away form it. But none the less it was a nice story just keep in mind these things to work on and I'm sure you'll make a work of art!
WOW! This was amazing. Reading it almost made me cry, and I usually don't cry when reading something, so that's saying a lot. The voice of the narrator was really powerful. All in all, I think you've got a really good piece of writing right here.
ShadowPrincess16
Hi!
I absolutly loved this short story.
The name instantly caught my eye and the story fullfilled the amazing title.
It was very bittersweat to me, but mostly heartbreaking.
You are very creative and you are very good at portraying his emmotions!
I am very curious on what was your inspiration for this story?
Thank you very much for posting it!
Again, I really enjoyed it!
That was really sad! That's what you were going for, obviously, so good job! The ending was beautiful! Amazing job!
Hello there! A great title is a title that catches a reader's attention -- and I liked the sound of this one! So what I'm going to do with my nitpicks is put the initial one, followed by the changes that I have made in bold!
OVERALL:
So yes, I realize that was a bit nit-picky. Basically it was just the commas. The only probably that the commas pose are the fact that they're choking off the rhythm of the sentence -- and the emotion -- and they're making it sound a bit choppy. Not to mention comma splices -- comma splices are the enemy. Your sentences just need a bit of re-shaping -- and cutting out some of those commas with dashes and semi-colons. You can also re-write sentences to end them, add a bit more, et cetera.
There were a couple of times when you kept a paragraph together, when it should've been split apart. Everyone has troubles of paragraphing; we just write! However, remember to make a new paragraph when the idea changes.
Other than the grammar, I thought this was pretty good -- it touched on Henry's raw emotions, showed us his love for his Elizabeth, and brought us into the pain and suffering that others have to endure when their loved one has been plagued by a disease such as Alzheimer's. Really great choice on the topic; quite insightful. You could've gone into more depth, maybe bringing in past experiences, but I think overall it was just enough -- not to long, not too short, but enough to give us a general impression!
-- Flux
That is really good.
Alzheimers disease is such a heartwrencning topic, and you story seems to shed light upon it.