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140,703 Literary Works • 673,672 Reviews
the poem was really good, i liked it but im not sure if the title really fits with the content but other than that very good
Thank you, and yes I know the title doesn't match. The reason I put lost love was because it was a boy that I liked, who at the end couldn't have
Hey there Roxy here!
but Im a bit confused about the last sentence in the paragraph 
I think that this is a very sweet poem, but I have a few comments!
This is a sweet love poem, but the title you have given it sounds like it should a poem about a break-up or someone you love but that doesnt love you back! So I think, like paula08, you should pick a more suiting title"
I love the idea that although he is big and strong on the outside, he is still childlike on the inside!
"Your courageous up front comments make everyone tremble."
Why do they all tremble? Is he a bully or...? Sorry it could just that I dont get it!
I love the idea of "Your brown eyes are my night sky." Its a lovely original descriptive sentence!
I dont really think that you need the full stops and the end of every sentence, if you remove some of them I think it'll give the poem a smother read!
I think that this could be a beautiful piece if you smooth out the creases
Keep it up!
Thanks I really appreciate your comment. I know that the title doesn't fit, but it's because it was a guy who I liked A LOT, who I couldn't have at the end. He's not a bully, he just wasn't afraid to speak his mind and say the truth
Hmmm is this someone I know from class? j/k. First of all, your title doesn't fit this piece because you never really lost this love. I love your your simile on "eyes like the night sky" and your use of descriptive language "loud silence", this poem has potential but just needs minor polishing. Good work and keep writing. Hurtado
The title matched to me since it meant that it was a guy that I liked a lot, who I couldn't be with at the end
i like the use of varying sentance lengths. you used alot of "advanced" words something i dont see in works very often. you seem to know what you"re doing and have a very vivid imagination and make it easy for the reader to connect and see what you saw while writing this peice. i didnt see many mistakes, if i saw any at all, but dont take my word for it, im not one who notices that kind of thing alot. but all in all, this is a good peice of writing.
Thank you very much.
Hey!
If I had to choose my favourite part from this poem I would go for,"Your brown eyes are my night sky". That is so beautiful. It shows your longing for this boy however it also shows that it still remains kind of a wish. His descriptions aren't bad but if I were you I would rather use more passionate words.
The think that I definitely do not agree with you is about the title. Sorry for being so blunt but I truly couldn't relate it with the poem. Try maybe changing it a bit.
I hope that my review is useful. KEEP WRITING!!!!!!!
Thank you for your review. I chosed that title because it represents a boy who I liked A LOT, who I couldn't be with at the end
Hello!
I feel as though either the title of this piece should be changed or the poem is unfinished. The idea of "lost love" doesn't exactly come in to play, though the idea of being in love is there. I love the line "I fall more in love with your loud silence". The juxtaposition of loud silence is heartbreakingly beautiful I think. I would just like to see the ideas of this poem expressed a little more fully.
Happy Writing!
Thank you.
It was my first time writing a poem here, so that's why I wasn't that well. The title to me fits, since it meant the how much I liked a guy, who at the end I couldn't be with
Hi bbsuarez and welcome to YWS! Overall, I think there are some good images here, but it also tells quite a bit, which detracts from the good parts.
I do like that you have some specificity, as vagueness and cliche tends to creep into these kinds of pieces pretty easily.
I like that there's a description here, but this feels more like prose. I might try to rework this to make it feel less clunky. Show him doing something childlike, or standing up to a teacher. It would stick with the reader better.
I love the first line here. The rest falls into the same telling trap I mentioned before. Show him doing something confident or setting up an elaborate prank.
I like the first line here. Eye comparisons are done a lot but I don't think I've seen that one before. I think the second line is missing "for" at the end, and it's a bit drab. I might rework it as a command "Protect me from [insert something here] and surround me with the silence of the night". That would be stronger in my opinion.
Overall, there's some good stuff here, but it could be beefed up. Welcome again to YWS and keep writing!
On my goodness thank you
Yes, I did forget to put a "for"
Hello there here is a me with a review for yah that is also for review day so it probably won't be to big.
Hopes it helps you out. XD
OK you need to replace some of these periods with commas you have a few to many.
And another thing I don't think that this really would sound like a poem but I am not a poet am I.
See normally if you put a period you would have to make a spas no offense or anything but this was really weird.
Good work here your spelling was great and the story and the emotion was good too.
Keep writing and good luck.
Until later "May god be with you and good bye."
~Jon~
Hopes it helped you out. XD
Good work.
And one more thing pleas forgive me if I rambled I do it a lot.
Thank you and don't worry, you didn't ramble a lot.
Hmmm, well it's not the best poem ever but it has some light. Although am not an expert in poem (am still almost beginning to love poems), i think you might need a little polishing.
In general, there are some parts which are not uniform.
Eg, the second line on the first paragraph, is leaking. Maybe too many paragraphs or something.
And, take a look at the first line in the third paragraph..."your brown eyes are my night sky.". From simple terms, there night sky are always black. Like i said, am not a pro but i liked your poem anyway.
Thank you for you review. I really appreciate it.