I’ll reach you by dragonfly
The flutter of the wings buzzing by my sides
The nip of the wind kissing softly, my face,
as we glide through the air, colors exploding
left and right
Through the light of the day and the dark of the night
And butterflies join us to sing us their tunes
as we burn by the sunlight and freeze by the moon
And maybe I’ll grow wings and fly by my own
such beautiful wings of such vivid tone
And I’ll lift you up off the flower field
And we’ll fly past the buildings the night
will yield to our power, our grace, and beauty,
and the music we bring
As the butterflies around us continue to sing
And we’ll fly through the clouds made of cotton and candy
and marshmallow roses and syrup streams
Where we land on a lily pad
leafy and green
And still all around us the butterflies sing
By the horn of a unicorn, we dance in the light
And we’ll kiss in the silence of the beautiful night.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
I liked this. It had a rather nice, light-hearted concept.
For me, I'd rather put 'the nip of the wind kissing my face softly.'
I think it'll sound better as:
This piece is also lacking punctuation. Don't worry, punctuation won't kill your poem
Overall, not bad, just needs some improvement.
Keep writing!
Hi. You have great imagination when you're writing this, and the imagery you display in your words really sets off the storyline. It's hard to understand what you're trying to tell us with this story, but, hey, whatever. Anyway, let's get down to business.
This line doesn't work for me. I think it should be: 'The nip of the wind kissing my face softly,' It has sort of odd grammar and beat, and it throws off the reader. Anyway, as I tell a lot of poet's works on here, try reading your poem aloud to see if you have a nice beat. Especially with lyric poetry, more than anything.Also, you seem to be fading in and out from rhyming to not rhyming. It's a little strange, and it's a little distracting. Anyway, here's a GOLD STAR!
Wow, I really like this, you use great imagery and imagination. I felt like there was no real structure, but it was still a really great poem. My only suggestion is use a few more commas and periods in here and there, and think about dividing it into stanzas, just so it doesn't seem so long. Either way, I think this is really cool.