dream

So I see that others have told you that it has no punctuation and stuff except for the one period at the end. I guess you wrote it that way on purpose. It would be more interesting if you spread out the events and not go so rush, rush with it all. I like the ideas that you have spawned in the story, and it is pretty cool because it is a dream and things do often just pop out of thin air, but there should probably be some links between more action. I don't know if you write like that all the time or if it is stylistic choice, but in most situations it just doesn't work. However I can see some relevance with a run on sentence in this instance. Keep at it, and your skills will get stronger. The ideas here have good potential.

Hi, badgirl55555.

Okay, so this has a rushed narration. You need to slow down. I think you took the phrase "short story" too literally. Slow down and tell the story, not a play by play. There's many things you can do to extend the story. You can add in dialogue; you can add in imagery and details and information; you can slow down and explain some things. What is the nightmare, exactly? What happened in her nightmare that frightened her so? What is it she stepped in that felt like lava? Who is this goblin? Where did he come from?

You also did this thing where you made the entire work a run on sentence. What is that? You can find out by reading this. Run on sentences make the story feel even more rushed than it was and they're just generally an eye sore.

Also, be careful with how you write this. You made it seem like she had the nightmare, then woke up and went for a walk. Then she was attacked by the goblin and stabbed him with a knife that appeared out of nowhere and he, in turn, stabbed and killed her. Then you say she woke up. How is that possible when she already woke up? Is she having one of those dreams-within-a-dream situations? If yes, then clarify that.

Where did that knife come from? It didn't come out of thin air, so make sure you work on your narration and description. As far as I could tell, she didn't pull it out of thin air, so make sure you describe her running into the kitchen and grabbing it. Be sure to do this for all of the story.

To recap, here's a checklist you can use:
- no run on sentences
- more description
- include dialogue
- make things realistic
- make it longer


It seems like a promising story, so if you choose to rewrite it, please let me know and I will gladly re-review it (is that even a word?)

Well, first off, it's all one run on sentence, with no punctuation at all. If you meant for it to be this way, then it can make sense in some aspects, but it just seems unfinished.

You explain a lot really, really fast, without much detail, and just keep saying, "and then this happened, and then this happened, and then this happened" and then the girl gets murdered and wakes up and realizes she had a nightmare, which you've explained right at the very beginning, so there was no suspense.

The story itself isn't anything new, so it wasn't all that intriguing. When I finished reading it, I wasn't sure if I was supposed to like it, hate it, get mad at it, laugh at it. There was no emotion or thoughts that arose from it, so I was only confused as to the point.

But there is some good in everything, so don't take my words to be harsh. Just don't stop writing.

Thank you badgirl55555!