Unfinished Business

by backroadstraveler

Published November 1, 2015

My sister stalks these halls

Like that ghostly Lady Madeline.

~

The casket is open, the corpse has fled.

Whispers of distant screams

pierce the silent air. I wait

For that shadowy figure to fill

My doorway. Her macabre

Figure will find me soon.

I cannot flee to any corner

Of this estate without

The creaking of unobserved

Steps trailing behind mine.

~

She'll find me soon, and

Repay me for my crimes.

My sister stalks these halls,

Like that ghostly Lady Madeline.

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
kman134
Review
kman134 wrote a review Review · Nov 18, 2015

Hey, i'm kman134, i'm here to review.

i love this poem and found it very ominous.

the stanzas were a little bit off and should be improved a lift, but, all in all, this was truly thrilling.

"The casket is open, the corpse has fled.

Whispers of distant screams

pierce the silent air."

this is what got me; the haunting sound of a casket opening as the soul of the deceased creeps out of the crypt while hearing the auspicious sounds of the spirit wailing in pain, sauntering throughout the halls as your soul feels the chill in the air before she takes your life. this is why i love horror stories; they bring out the best in me and i see they bring out the best in you. anyways, i hope you continue and please write more.

User avatar
hmcg
Review
hmcg wrote a review Review · Nov 4, 2015

Hey! Holly here for a review!

I love this poem, and yes, I did get the reference!

The stanzas were a bit weird though and could have used some improvement.

I wait

For that shadowy figure to fill

My doorway.

That part didn't really make any sense. The way that it was separated I mean. I had to reread it several times to understand it.

The "~" didn't really make any sense and I feel like it was unnecessary.

Also the capitalization was a bit strange.

Just work on these things!

Other than that I really enjoyed your poem and it captured my attention.

Keep writing! I'm looking forward to reading more of your stuff!!!



Poems were like people. Some people you got right off the bat. Some people you just don't get - and never would get.
— Benjamin Alire Saenz, Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe