First Found Freedom

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

It was a warm autumn morning and I had been sitting in a wicker chair on the front porch. I was lost in my own thoughts and letting the gentle wind blow my hair in all directions. It was not often that I did this but when I did I took it in full pleasure. I hadn't been bothered by any gentlemen that sought my attention and that were what I had been wanting for a rather long while. But on this particular morning there was a feeling of hollowness in me that I couldn't quite figure how to fill. That was until he showed up. If it hadn't been so serene I would have missed it. The low whistle he sang. It wasn't really a song more like a chirping. But caught my attention and I looked to my left. He wore a tattered straw hat, was medium height, I couldn't see his eyes but from the jaw line I imagined they were as blue as the sea or as green as an emerald. Either or they would be beautiful. He caught me looking at him and made his way over.

Well this is a rather intriguing start here. I do believe I've not seen anything quite of this nature before. There's a very interesting feel of someone getting lost in another person's eyes, only this time it seem oddly curious and nothing much else whereas usually this sort of thing is highlighted in a much more sort of romantic context, at any rate, this opening has certainly got my attention.

He came up the steps of the porch and leaned against the railing. I had no idea what to say I had never seen this gentlemen before and surly my mother and father would not improve they were always looking for men that had money and a good name. The one that stood before me was nothing close. He looked in my eyes and I could see his were full of youth and laughter. I felt my cheeks warm and my heart skip a beat and looked away. What was wrong with me? I wondered.

“Well, I didn’t know the darlings had a little girl,” he commented. I noticed he had a slight southern accent and I liked it. “Oh, well I’m always away so maybe that is why we have never encountered each other,” I replied. He gave me a crooked grin. I’m heading down to the little brook down the way. “Would you care to join me?” he asked. “What do you plan on doing down there?” I asked. Catch some fish, relax in the grass. Oh, well, let me just go and ask my mother, I’ll be must a moment. I scurried inside barley able to understand what I had just agreed to. I knew nothing about this lad and yet I was agreeing to go along with him.

Alright, well that took a bit of a turn there. It started out seeming like it could be a bit of innocent moment here but now it seem oddly creepy as we read on here and it is very difficult to judge what may happen...but its a fun bit of ambiguity because now as a reader you end up asking quite a few questions of yourself to try and figure out what could possibly be going on.

My mother was in the kitchen making banana bread. “Mother, would it be alright if I went for a walk I won’t be long,” I told her. My mother was lenient with me only because I was not a wild child and I had good manners at all times. “I suppose dear,” She said. With that I turned on my heel and walked out the door and down porch steps with a possible new friend to catch some fish and relax in the grass.

Hmm, that ending does certainly leave on guessing there because it is hard to know if something nice is about to happen here of if perhaps something a bit horrible is going to end up happening. Its an interesting mix of messages we get when considering that earlier bit and I think you manage to create a pretty interesting scenario here.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry

It was not often that I did this, but when I did I took it in full pleasure in it.

That was until he showed up. If it hadn't been so serene I would have missed it. The low whistle he sang. It wasn't really a song more like a chirping. But caught my attention and I looked to my left.

Okay, here you have so many little tiny sentences that you can combined sum of them like this.

That was until he showed up...if it hadn't been so serene I would have missed it. The low whistle he sang, it wasn't really a song more like a chirping. But caught my attention and I looked over to my left.

I couldn't see his eyes but from the jaw line I imagined they were as blue as the sea or as green as an emerald. Either or they would be beautiful.

Ahh! Cliche much?

I had no idea what to say I had never seen this gentlemen before and surely my mother and father would not improve. They were always looking for men that had money and a good name.

“Well, I didn’t know the darlings had a little girl,” he commented.

Is that her last name?

He gave me a crooked grin. "I’m heading down to the little brook down the way. “Would you care to join me?” he asked.

“What do you plan on doing down there?” I asked replied.

"Catch some fish, relax in the grass."

"Oh. Well, let me just go and ask my mother, I’ll be just a moment.

I scurried inside barely able to understand what I had just agreed to.

“Mother, would it be alright if I went for a walk? I won’t be long,” I told her.

So, there are some things that I think need a little bit of explaining, either now, or at least in the next chapter. You mentioned she had been away...Where? Boarding school? Staying with other family? Also where does this take place? I had kind of assumed the south, but then you mentioned his accent and I knew that wasn't right. So yeah, that's about it.

Good luck and keep writing!

~Hope