Farewell

Really liked these two lines:

My heart says no,
While my heart says yes.

I liked this! Yeah I"m a tyrant about this ....but you probably need some spaces for stanza's. Unless dramatic poetry doesn't need that...I"m not sure!


But this poem had flow and i got hte message yoiu wanted the reader to have. Good job!

The poem was well thought out but it is commonly used on this site... unfortunately.

[quote]And so, though my heart shatters (this is what you wrote)

And now what I think what you should write:

And though my heart shatters.

No "so" after "And", okay?

I also the ending wasn't very relevant to the rest of the poem, like chucki666 said.
Maybe you should change it to something like this:


My journey is still not decided,
but when it is, I shall continue and you'll be besides me.

Not that rhymes much but anyways.
It was good but you can still improve it.
have fun, shanan-cat!

Unwilling to leave,
Yet unable to stay.
This is the predicament,
I find myself in today. <--pretty nice rhyme, seems a LITTLE forced, but it works for the poem
To move onward,
Or to remain where I am,
My heart says no,
While my heart says yes.<--- wait, which one does it say?
But at the end of the day,
The mind shall prevail, <--what does the mind say?
And leaving would be inevitable.
And so, though my heart shatters
At the thought of parting,
I gather my courage,
and bid you farewell,
Until such a time,
when we’ll meet again.<--who are you talking to?

This poem on the whole was a bit cliche and too ambiguous for my taste. Yes, while ambiguity in poetry can sometimes work, you have to establish a few basic details in order for it to be widely accepted. Answer these questions: Who are you talking to? Why do you have to leave? Why should the reader care? Make these connections and think about your purpose, and you'll really see some improvements on your writing in the future.

It's quite lovely, good job. It's mysterious and makes me wonder why you must leave.

This was an amazing poem! It grabbed my attention right away, and I immediately understood and related. Well done!

I thought this was an amazing poem. You truly have talent. I only had one problem

"My heart says no,
While my heart says yes."

This part of the peom didn't make sense. Other than that I feel that it was a great poem.

Unwilling to leave,
Yet unable to stay. <--- these first two lines seem a little cliched.
This is the predicament,
I find myself in today.
To move onward,
Or to remain where I am,
My heart says no,
While my heart says yes. <--- Wait... is your heart skitzofrenic?
But at the end of the day,
The mind shall prevail, <--- Why will it prevail? Explain! Go into this thought with more depth.
And leaving would be inevitable. <--- Why?
And so, though my heart shatters
At the thought of parting,
I gather my courage, <--- Maybe you could put a cool image with this/
and bid you farewell,
Until such a time,
when we’ll meet again. <--- Why will you meet again, and under what terms?

Answer the questions and I think this will be better.

i liked you poem, very good :]
but the last part doesnt do justice to the whole poem.