I'm not good at numbers. But i know when you need me.
I don't know how to dance but I know the beat of your heart.
I don't have money but I can give you what money can't buy.
I'm not a singer but i know the melody of your soul.
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138,049 Literary Works • 672,071 Reviews
Hey Tuesday here for a review!
This doesn't seem to agree with me as much as the rest does. It doesn't seem to be fit together as most of the lines are because it seems they aren't the same thing. Also I feel like there needs to be a comma instead of a period in between the lines. You should also capitalize the "i".I like to say, this poem is vague. The rest of the reviewers thought it wasn't vague but it seems vague to me. There is no bright words to describe who you really are and it doesn't seem to relate to people who want to read and know more about you.
Nitpick(s):
This line is a bit better than before. However, this line seems a little cliche for most love poems or whatever. Change it up or something (you can leave it if you want.)
This seems also a little cliche. Also capitalize the "i" in here and maybe add some more color words to this to make it more imagery or something..
Overall, I think this poem has some work. If you fix the errors, it could be an good poem.
Farewell,
Tuesday
Hey, yo, axer15! Strange here on this wonderful review day and I have a review for you!
I wasn't a fan of this poem like the other reviewers just because of the vagueness and delivery. Usually I'm a very big fan of delivery, so when that goes wrong, you're out of luck. The delivery was a bit cliche and didn't deliver the punch that I want in poetry. Because of that, this felt flat. The theme didn't help that, either. Let's jump into it, shall we?
The first line got on my nerves:
This one wasn't even clever. What numbers could you be talking about? Maybe change it to something about time, but this barely even made sense. It's too broad. "I'm not good at math, but I can speak Japanese" would be the closest equivalent to it.
This was....generic and quite unoriginal. I am a huge pusher for originality and uniqueness in poetry, and this was such a predictable line. I can't be impressed by this.
Here in the great silver state of Nevada, legal prostitution exists. Money can buy love. Boom.
Yeah, this poem was all the same and had no varying factors.
Keep writing, and stay groovy!
SecreteJournalist here for a review! And might I add, welcome to Young Writers Society! You'll love it here.
The hidden meanings behind this poem have me captivated, first of all, so I applaud you for that. But anyways, on to critiquing.
'i' should be capitalized. Also, add a comma between 'numbers' and 'but'.
Also, I noticed that this line is different from the rest. Instead of keeping the line one big sentence like the following three, this one is broken up into two sentences. Personally, I feel like that dampens the flow so I'd advise keeping this line as one sentence like the rest. And also, may I ask how numbers relate to said person needing you? That part confused me a little.
Again with line one, add a comma before the 'but'.
Again, with the previous lines, add a comma before the 'but'.
Again with all the other lines, add a comma before the 'but'. Also, capitalize the 'i'.
As I look at the poem overall, I noticed a lack of description and imagery. If you were to add those into the poem, I think it would make it a stronger work. But it has a lot of potential at the moment!
I hope this helped, and Happy Review Day! Keep writing.
Sincerely,
SecreteJournalist
AKA
Brie
Hello there, and welcome to YWS! cleverclogs here to review!
I'm going to jump right in and start with punctuation and capitalization.
The word "I" should be capitalized, the period in between the words "numbers" and "but" should be replaced with a comma, and the word "but" should not be capitalized. Sometimes, a lack of capitalization in poetry is a stylistic choice, but in this poem, there are other capitalized "I"s. There doesn't need to be a period in the middle of this line because "But I know when you need me" is a dependent clause.
This line is good except for one thing: there should be a comma in between "dance" and "but", for the same reason as above.
This line has the same problem as the previous line. There needs to be a comma in between "money" and "but".
"I" should be capitalized, and there should be a comma in between "singer" and "but".
I know that some poems totally ignore capitalization and punctuation for style, but since this poem is mostly capitalized and punctuated, I decided to assume that's the style you wanted and helped you finish the job.
I liked the repetition of "I don't x" or "I'm not x" throughout the poem. Sometimes you relied a bit too much of cliches like "what money can't buy", but other times, you were very original. I quite like the line "I don't know how to dance but I know the beat of your heart." It's very thoughtful and sweet.
I like short poetry when it still manages to pack a punch, but this poem falls a bit short in that way for me. Adding a bit more imagery and figurative language in general would help this poem get the emotion across to readers. I also think that the ending was a little abrupt. Maybe you could write one more line, like sort of a closing line to end the poem a bit more smoothly.
Your title was a bit vague and not very interesting. It didn't really make me want to click on the poem (though I obviously did XD). It also isn't all that relevant to the poem. I'd recommend changing it to something that embodies the whole poem. Always make sure to take your time finding a fitting title, even though it can be hard sometimes.
I'm not really sure what being good with numbers has to do with knowing when someone needs you. Maybe you could clarify, or change the line? Also, "at" would sound better if it was replaced with "with". "Numbers" isn't a verb, so it can't be something you're good at.
Overall, this is a very nice piece that could use a bit more description and some technical work. Keep on writing!
Hey there! CaptainSalty here with a review.
This is not half bad actually. Not the worst, but not the best. I do like it, just there are the flaws.
First off, it's really short. There's no detail. All it is, "I know, I know, I can give, I know." It makes it quite uninteresting, so please, lengthen it so it can seem more vivid. Plus, I don't think that the first line makes much sense. The first part I would think it starts talking about math, but then the second part just makes it seem different. I don't think it connects.
Also in the first line, there are two sentences. I would consider changing that period to a comma. Not only that, but add commas after the word 'but' in every line.
The title, is probably the worst part. I would change it to something else like "Who I am," or something like that. Just plain "Me" seems very vague.
Otherwise, don't let this review discourage you. You are just starting out. You will have your ups and downs, but remember, there is always room for improvement! I want to see more of your poems. Don't give up and always write!
-CaptainSalty