Published October 25, 2006
Welcome...
welcome to a world where people fight
and think that they are right.
were people take things for granted and
find out in the long-run that we shouldn't.
Welcome...
Welcome to a world where kids
don't feel safe at school- do drugs to be cool
Were people comit crimes and ruin lives.
Welcome...
To a world were people are so vein but
really there life is plain-
Welcome to a world were people starve
and carve themselves.
Were people make wars after stupid stuff
and take our families away just to say "hey"
We need you when we need them.
Were peoples land get cut down and
the buetty is taking away from everything
Welcome...
To a world were pollution is so bad
you have to wear a mask to breath.
Believe it or not this world actually
does exist. It's called earth...
Welcome...
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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141,419 Literary Works • 674,398 Reviews
Perhaps it would be better to post as a blog entry, all that hyperness.
no offense meant, but that was pretty awful.
When you've been on here longer, you'll find that I'm a stickler for rhythm. There was none in this poem. PLEASE, I'm begging you. STOP USING ...'s.
You have potential, but you have a lot of work to do. keep trying though. Never give up.
Obviously I've been reading too many of Brad's reviews, but I only have this to say:
Please stop writing. Or at least put it on hold until after you've learned the English language, and how to think. Based on what I've seen of your poetry so far, you have only a tenuous grasp on the former, and don't do the latter much, if at all, at least in terms of poetry.
And ellipses (that dot-dot-dot thing) are NOT, I repeat, are NOT your best friend.
On a side note, flooding the forums with bad poetry is not a good way to win friends. Neither is misspelling an already cliche and childish username.
I trutsully don't like this. I found little structure to it and it rhymed at times, but did not at others. It was kinda confusing.
and take our families away just to say "hey"
What does that mean? Just to say "hey".
You might try to fix it up a bit.
Pandora