Published October 25, 2006
Thinking?
Lay there,
think,
think deep inside
Do you fail to abide
by the countless tries
and tears you have cried
with the endless ties
and thoughts you hide
Staying side by side
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141,491 Literary Works • 674,525 Reviews
I didn't really like this, to be perfectly honest. It takes a few readings to make sense of and the rhyming seems unorganized. Your ideas are nice, and I can see the point you are trying to get across, but you didn't quite make it.
Keep moving forward!
cx
Why are people so mean on this site???! I liked it even if it does need a bit of work. Maybe parts could have done with a different rhyme scheme, but I liked the ideas.
I found this poem more pleasing to read than the others, but it still lacks that special feeling. It seems like you wrote this just to write it, not because you wanted to. Poetry is about feeling, not necessarily boredom.
Doing better, but still not there.
Pandora
Awsomwritter13, please do not flood the forums. It isn't couth. As to the poem itself, it makes little sense. What exactly are you trying to get across? At the moment it comes across as a very amateur attempt at depressing... I hesitate to call it poetry, really. Again, self-indulgent is a very applicable word.
Better luck next time.