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Young Writers Society



Have you ever thought?

by awsomwritter13


Thinking?


Lay there,
think,
think deep inside
Do you fail to abide
by the countless tries
and tears you have cried
with the endless ties
and thoughts you hide
Staying side by side


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Points: 890
Reviews: 21

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Mon Oct 30, 2006 2:44 am
cymbeline_x wrote a review...



I didn't really like this, to be perfectly honest. It takes a few readings to make sense of and the rhyming seems unorganized. Your ideas are nice, and I can see the point you are trying to get across, but you didn't quite make it.

Keep moving forward!

cx




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23 Reviews


Points: 890
Reviews: 23

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Sun Oct 29, 2006 8:48 am
sunshine girl wrote a review...



Why are people so mean on this site???! I liked it even if it does need a bit of work. Maybe parts could have done with a different rhyme scheme, but I liked the ideas. :)




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Points: 890
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Wed Oct 25, 2006 10:17 pm
pandoraswritings wrote a review...



I found this poem more pleasing to read than the others, but it still lacks that special feeling. It seems like you wrote this just to write it, not because you wanted to. Poetry is about feeling, not necessarily boredom.

Doing better, but still not there.

Pandora




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381 Reviews


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Wed Oct 25, 2006 7:23 pm
Fand wrote a review...



Awsomwritter13, please do not flood the forums. It isn't couth. As to the poem itself, it makes little sense. What exactly are you trying to get across? At the moment it comes across as a very amateur attempt at depressing... I hesitate to call it poetry, really. Again, self-indulgent is a very applicable word.

Better luck next time.





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