Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well this was a fun little story to read. I love the idea behind it and I love the way that little moral is slipped in there. It was just all round a nice little story to start the day off with and that's all you can ask for.

Anyway let's get right to it,

I’ve been recording videos for a long time now. I actually find it interesting, a great time pass, and you know, a lot motivating. All it needs is camera in your hand and someone in front of you to narrate something. I usually shot videos of people narrating their experiences, and upload them on the internet.

It will sound a lot more interesting when I say that some creatures don’t need to narrate, the just show.

Of course I’m talking about the animals; let me tell you, they are really very interesting when you shoot them. I would like to share this five minute incident with you, which actually changed my perception about, the perception if the things are ‘right or wrong’. It sounds tricky, but I’m sure you will understand it while reading this incident.

I was having my camera hanging off my neck, and went to the terrace of my house, sat there to acknowledge the beauty of the people, plants, birds, and all the creatures and things you can find in a park… Actually my house is situated rite in front of a park, a beautiful one.

Just when I was feeling how beautiful the world is I found people running away, what’s happening?!

I realized that ‘a rat’ and ‘an eagle’ got into fight. Now that’s interesting. So I started shooting the whole scene. I realized that the eagle was trying to catch the rat and the rat was actually dodging itself.

All this want like this:

The eagle got high up and suddenly brought itself down as if the force of gravity has suddenly acted upon it… It rushed down with a swift to catch hold of the rat, but it dodged in jiffy so the eagle claws tore off the grass on the ground. It again went upwards shot itself down with a swift and the same reaction took place as if I was watching a replay.

I again, realized that now the eagle was making noises and was very desperate to catch the rat, and the rat was actually having fun humiliating the king of the sky. After 3 minutes or so, the eagle was as desperate as ever but its speed eventually decreased as it was gradually getting tiered. That’s when I saw a cat, came in the picture, it pounced, and at the same time, the eagle was a shoot, and eventually both were on their way to catch hold of the rat… But cat got the better of the eagle and with a single paw strike tore the rat apart.

I know, that’s a sad ending for the rat but you will be surprised to know that:

When I was proofing the video to upload it I realized that, the cat was in the picture from the starting of the video, just seeking for the moment of attack, the eagle realized it and was actually trying to help the rat.

Unfortunately the rat didn’t realize it and actually made the wrong perception. And you know what happened after that, the rat met the fate from which it was percepting to dodge itself.

So take decisions and make perceptions wisely.

Yo, avinash. Welcome to YWS! I'm Pan, and I'll be delighted to boil up a review for your first piece of work.

We'll start with the positives, shall we? I can really see where you're going with this piece, and what you're trying to say. It starts well, and many of the problems with the writing lie solely in phrasing, grammar and spelling, rather than the idea itself. That's good. It means that you can easily work with it.

Okay, now for nitpicks.

I actually find it interesting, a great time pass, and you know, a lot motivating. All it needs is camera in your hand and someone in front of you to narrate something. I usually shot videos of people narrating their experiences, and upload them on the internet.

I actually find it interesting; it's a great pastime. Really motivating, you know? All it needs is a camera in your hand and someone in front of you to narrate something. I usually shoot videos of people's experiences and upload them to the internet.

the just show.

which actually changed my perception about, the perception if the things are ‘right or wrong’.

I was having my camera hanging off my neck

Actually my house is situated rite in front of a park

Just when I was feeling how beautiful the world is I found people running away, what’s happening?!

I realized that ‘a rat’ and ‘an eagle’ got into fight

the rat was actually dodging itself.

suddenly brought itself down

It rushed down with a swift

I am Ishan and I am here to review your work. Here we go;

First of all, here at YWS we are very particular about English. Example; we don't use 'u' for 'you'. As you are a new member, it was my duty to tell you this. Now let's review your short story.
You chose a very good title'Perceptions'. The theme of your story was also very nice You also chose a beautiful background.Your story was about an eagle fighting a rat and your shooting the fight. Suddenly when the eagle got tired a cat pounced on the mouse and ate it up.Afterwards, when you saw your shooting, you realized that the eagle was actually trying to save the mouse. But the mouse failed to recognize it(the eagle) as his friend and finally died. This would have been a fantastic story if you would have given more details about the eagle and the mouse. And one more thing. In the sentence
'All this want like this:'
'want' should be replaced by 'was'.
Then the sentence will become;
'All this was like this:'
Anyway nice story.
Keep Writing!!!!!!