This Summer - Chapter Two

Hello again ,
thanks for requesting a review. I would like to give you this little tip: It would be helpful to your reviewers if you edited your work along the way, so that when a new reviewer comes along they aren't being redundant. You don't have to do this it is just a suggestion.

I didn't really see any bad grammar or sentence structure in this piece, and if I did someone else had commented on it. This was also an enjoyable read. I really like your style of writting, something fresh, at least to me. I haven't read chapter one yet, so I can't comment on plot or character development. So, I guess this will be all coming from me.

Have an awesome day,
Tiffany

Here to review as requested!

Red = Corrections
Blue = Things I like
Bold = Comments

austenite wrote:I walked up the steps of my Dad’s beachfront house, hesitating before I went in. Standing on the faded white porch, I looked around me. The sun had set as I walked along the sandy path, the sky a pale shade of blue as the stars came out. The grasses on the dunes swayed in the light breeze.

I set my shoes down on the wood, allowing them to dry over night. In the morning I could assess the damage; until then, I’d just have to pray they wouldn’t be too bad.

There was a love swing on the porch, to my right. I made my way over and sat down, the swing creaking slightly as I began to sway slowly. I wasn’t quite ready to go in just yet. Crickets chirped in the distance, creating a melody that was calming to listen to. I had to admit that there was something about the quietness of Bassington that I did like. Everything, from the sound of the waves washing up on the shore to the rustling of leaves, was natural, so different from the man-made sounds of London.

I stretched my legs out in front of me, flexing my toes into an arched point. I did this over and over; it was an exercise that I used to release stress from my body. As I was doing so, a light came on and the front door opened.
My dad stepped outside, holding a plate of food in one hand as he closed the screen door behind him.

“Hey,” I said sheepishly, guilt wracking my body as he came and sat down next to me. I took the plate from his outstretched hand. You just use the word "hand" in the previous paragraph. This could just be me being picky, but I think that finding a synonym would improve the flow of this.

“Laurie, I want you to like it here.” Those were the first words to leave his lips. No "where have you been?" or "Why didn’t you answer your phone?" His words made me feel worse though, than a telling off would have.
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“I know Bassington isn’t exactly a thriving metropolis,” he continued, as I picked at dinner. “But at least give it a chance. It’s only eight weeks, not the rest of your life.”
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I started to snicker at this, but covered my mouth after realizing that it was probably not one of the best things to do.

“And…well, I think it will be good for you to be by so much water for a while.”
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I looked up at my father. It was his turn to look sheepish, wrinkles creasing the corners of his mouth. His brown eyes - that were identical to mine - looked down at me, and I could see all the love he had for me there.

“You’ve been speaking to Mum, haven’t you?” I smiled softly, knowing I was out of trouble. He nodded. “How much do you know?” To me, this makes it seem like he's talking. Maybe make it more clear to who's speaking.

Dad pursed his lips together before speaking, as if choosing the write words to use. He took the plate from my hands, setting it down on the ground. His hands Again, you use the word "hands" twice. I know I'm being picky, but in this instance you could simply use "he" as a replacement. reached for my legs, pulling them onto his lap. It was such a random act, but in one moment I felt like nothing in the world had changed. That this was my real home, here with Dad.

He rubbed my legs. “I know about the trip to Brighton, and the dunking. Your mother didn’t tell me everything though.”
I groaned, bowing my head in my hands. “That is everything. I didn’t count on her telling you.” My voice was mumbled through my hands.

“Of course I know. I am your father,” he laughed. “I have a right to know these things.”
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I looked at him, raising my eyebrows. He may have a right to know, but he wasn’t there, was he? I didn’t want to bring that guilt trip up though, at least not now.

“Okay,” I said a little defensively. “Just as long as you don’t force me to go swimming. It took all my sheer willpower to sit on the jetty today and put my feet in. I don’t think I can cope with my whole body just yet.”
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Dad laughed as he pushed my legs off. He stood up, picking up the plate. I stood along side him, glad that he wasn’t mad at me or anything like that.

“Dad?” He turned around to look at me, holding the screen door open. “I’ll try my best to like Barrington, okay?”

He brought his upturned lips to my forehead, kissing me lightly as a thank you.

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The walls of my room were painted in a cream colour, except for one that was light blue. A painting of the sea hung on the blue wall. Opposite that was a set of drawers and a bookshelf. My suitcase sat on the bed, ready to be unpacked. I looked at it with disdain - I wasn’t one for unpacking. Sighing, I started the task of taking out almy clothes and neatly putting things into piles in the drawers.

"Laurie!"

Turning around, my little brother Ben came running into the room.

"Hey, monster, shouldn't you be in bed already?" I said, ruffling his brown hair. He ducked, coming to sit on my bed, his nine year old legs dangling off the side.
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"I can't sleep," he answered, digging around in my backpack before pulling out a chocolate bar.

"Not before bed!" I said, taking it off him.

"Guess what?" Ben said, jumping off the bed to look around the room. I rolled my eyes, continuing to unpack as he scouted around. "Dad's taking me to the aquarium tomorrow! And he said we can spend all day on the beach if we want. Isn't this place awesome?"

"Yeah, it is," I replied half-heartedly. I knew should be happy - especially that Ben seemed to be enjoying himself. But could I be happy here? I asked myself.
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"Come on Squirt," I said. "Time for bed."

I was just going to have to wait until tomorrow to answer that question.

austenite wrote:I walked up the steps of my Dad’s beachfront house, hesitating before I went in. Standing on the faded white porch, I looked around me.

austenite wrote:"Hey, monster, shouldn't you be in bed already?" I said, ruffling his brown hair.

austenite wrote:"I can't sleep," he answered, digging around in my backpack before pulling out a chocolate bar.

Hey Austenite! Okay, love your story! I haven't read a good Romance story in a while, and when I have, they were all corny. Okay, I just have one critique: when the father enters a room or something, you don't need to capitalize the "D" in dad. If the character is talking directly to the dad you can capitalize it, or when the dad is talking. Anyway, thanks, for the great read and keep it up!

Hey Austenite! Sporks here for a review.

Grammar
Okay, so overall, this isn't bad. Your tenses are correct, descriptions are good, spacing is spot-on. Good job!
One tiny nitpick though:

speaking, as if choosing the write words to use.