Meeting you by chance, scared to call it fate
Although three times is enough to convince
Am I naive Cinderella to wait
And hope for another chance with her prince?
I will remember the gleam in your eye
And my smile brighten to see your face
I will remember a snarky reply
To a sincere question, building the chase
Yet I took the encounters for granted
Saying next time I see him I’ll ask, Or
Maybe he and I were too enchanted
With the thrill of the uncertainty, For
I’m afraid Cinderella missed her chance
And didn’t know it to be the last dance
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
137,776 Literary Works • 672,064 Reviews
Hi retro here!
So for this review first I'll do some nitpicks then talk about what I liked, okay?
Right my main huge nitpick it line length. In terms of rhyme for a sonnet you are spot on but one of the main characteristics of a sonnet is its flow, this is usually dictated by the number of syllables in a line but if you're not going to do that you need to make sure line length is similar. So the line "am I naive Cinderella to wait" is far to short and it throws off the entire flow of the poem. And with that, line breaks don't work well here. So when you're putting or and for at the end of lines it just throws off your entire poem
For me, which is a shame.
That's my nitpick but I'll tell you why I think you should do another edit. The actual content of this poem is nothing short of fantastic. I loved it. I love that you're comparing Cinderella to niavity (I've taken on some princess classics myself in my time) but at the same time you have such a beautiful take on things. Because it is incredible well written. It's just for me; the form has let you down from an otherwise fantastic little piece.
Though I am here if you need anything so feel free to message me.
Keep up the good work!
~Retro
Thanks for your review! I will definitely work on structure and flow. I totally see what you are saying there about some lines being too short. I glad you liked the idea though!
Nice rhythm, very sophisticated, especially in the last few lines there. One big issue here, is punctuation. You have to use it. Without it, poetry doesn't make any sense. It helps me sometimes to write the poem out as prose, and then read it aloud to see if it's correct. The end of a line doesn't equal a comma or a period. It makes sentences totally unclear. Add some rock hard technique to your kick ass rhyming.
Thanks for the review and the tip on punctuation!
Ooooh, this was good, especially the last line. It was a bit short, but I think the length worked well for this poem. I liked how it started with her wondering if it was fate and waiting because she thinks they would meet again but then they don't. It is kind of sad, but I thought it was pretty well written.
Thanks for your review, I really appreciate it! I'm glad you enjoyed it!