Closing chapters
of my life,
trying not
to look back as I
loosen my grip
on childish fantasies,
now phantoms.
The fog clears
and i see
what was really there
all along.
Instead of gray blobs
of what should be,
If ind myself faced with
the harsh lines of reality.
Expecting the worst,
I take off my rose-colored glasses
and find that
real life isn't that bad.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
i agree that the short lines make it too choppy and don't really work as well as they should for this poem.
Well, I think the lines were too short, if you ask me. Perhaps you should consider bringing some of the together? This way, it won't sound so chopped up like little two and three word sentences. Those types can be a little annoying if they aren't extremely deep. So you should probably bring some of the lines together, that way, it'll be a lot easier to read.
I loved the title, though. Closing Chapters...hm....:considers plagiarism:
Yeah, I would say this poem is pretty good, although it got pretty boring at some parts, like Sam said, at the first stanza. I liked the style that you used, and overall I liked it.
It ended just so sudden. You should really add a couple of lines to it at the end and explain what happens further into the poem.
And by the way, isn't this poem supposed to be in "Narrative" instead?
OK, this poem is pretty good. However, you lose your audience near the last stanza. You make this huge deal about how these 'phantoms' are so bad, and then in the last line you go 'oh, ok, maybe not'. It's too sudden for us as the reader. If you want to end with a bang, may be add a couple lines to explain why the world isn't as bad as you think.