Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and mature content.
It was dark by the time I left work. There was no one on the streets and the stars were out. I was driving, but I didn't really know where I was going. I took a wrong turn, but I didn't turn back. Every once and a while I would see a street light or another car, but for the most part, it was dark.
At the state line, I pulled over. I grabbed a cigarette from the glove box and lit it. I felt relaxed. Lost but relaxed. I turned the radio on, to a heavy stream of news. I quickly turned the knob to slow jazz. I wasn't in the mood for more info on the war. I knew enough about that.
I turned the music up and stepped outside. I could feel the cold air against my back, making the smoke twirl and dance around. They were twirling in time with the jazz. A gust of wind blew them away, leaving a lonely saxophone to finish the song. His crescendo could only end in a decrescendo, such is the style of jazz Sure enough the sax tapered into nothing; a wolf's final song.
With the song over I crawled back into my car.
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140,714 Literary Works • 673,675 Reviews
hello, happy review day. I clicked this because the premise is genuinely pretty interesting, I've never heard anything about it before. Just on that, I'd ask you to keep going.
Piece by piece:
I'd like you to be more colorful with this. Don't just tell us that it was dark out, describe to
There was no one on the streets and the stars were out.
The narrator contradicts themselves here; obviously, if they knew the turn they took was wrong, they had a good idea of where they were going, which would be home, right? I would change the first line to "I was headed home, but I was headed nowhere at all." or something to that tune.
I get you were trying to start and begin the sentence with the same word, but I can think you can pull this off with a bit more colorful descriptions.
I'm not a fan of all the "I"s here. It's kind of like "I did this, I did that," and it comes off as rather bland. You tell us what they're doing but you don't show us.
Overall, your concept is interesting so I really hope you keep going, but I hope you enrich your character's actions more. Otherwise, the story has a really jazzy, laid-back, almost melodic atmosphere that I really like. You can also upload more at once, this was really short, it didn't even get into what the story is actually supposed to be about. Good luck
This is really good and I think that you've noticed you put one instead of once. Anyway this is really good, but I'd like to see more detail. Otherwise this is a great start on a Novel. You are a very good writer and I believe you could become a great author. I know several people you would enjoy this story just by seeing this.
I enjoy your mellow tone on this part truly lets the reader know its at a calm spot, but even though it is it isn't boring which I say is hard to do. Overall great job and i'm looking forward to reading more.
Just FWI this is a third installment in a book! Hope you read those to! Thanks for the review