My angel calls-
Announces her being,
Imposes her will,
Levels me down
My angel
Gently floats down.
Pale skin,
White glow,
Both feared and loved-
She speaks her mind
Diplomatic,
Like my own private conscience-
Demands respect.
She sighs
Voice like bells
Ringing up high.
Explains her errand
And most important-
Her life
An unwise word may kindle strife
She rises into the sky.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,852 Reviews
Hi aspiringauthor17,
It was a good poem, but it could be a whole lot better! Reading it was alright, but I'm not really sure what the true story, or message was in this. Explain more things in detail, like why the angel came down from the sky in the first place and why she rose back into the sky at the end. Were you in need of her assisstance, and if you were, what did you need help with?
Also, there were parts of the poem they flowed nicely and other lines didn't. This is because some lines may have been too long or the words you used were too technical. For example, line 2. Try a thesauras and look up simpler words you may use, so its not complicated and so it flows nicely. You also may want to fix the third stanza up, it backfires on itself a bit.
Good work and best wishes for future writing!
RedLeaf
Hey,
keep writing this.
I'm a huge Pink fan and this poem reminded me
I really liked this poem, it created an image and i felt it was planned out very well.
I really like poetry that talks of angles and heavenly images.
"There's a guardian angel tattooed on my shoulder and she's - she's been watching over me." -
'Dear Diary' by Pink from her Misunderstood album.
of this section from her song.
After White glow I think there needs to be a full stop because it makes me think that her skin and her glow makes her feared when it doesn't.
How can one be diplomatic and yet demand of something? This entire bit seems to strike itself out.
I didn't feel like this was a good ending, It felt like an anti-climax, I think you should work on that.
Overall, this was a good read, I liked what I read about your angel but I didn't see any other describing except from when you explained what she looked like. The second to the last stanza seems a bit contradictory to itself and confused me. The last stanza was a bit weird, too long maybe compared to the rest of the poem. It also demolished the flow that I followed with such fervor.
Anger
I have to admit, I don't usually find myself able to understand most poetry, although I love to read it. So, really, I can say that it was pleasant to read. I didn't find anything wrong or amiss in the style (especially since poetry styles aren't my forte), so good work!
The only problem lay in that I didn't really feel much of a connection, you know? It was kind of blah. I hate to say that since technically there's nothing wrong with it, but it's just how I felt. I just didn't feel as if there was much emotion or any attempt at connecting with the reader. Perhaps it's just me, and I hope that's the case because I would hate to hurt your feelings. Anyway, I hope this review helps, but don't give up on the poem just because I wasn't moved emotionally. It could just be that my brain waves are off today or something! (Entirely possible due to the heat wave where I'm located.)
Keep writing!
--Bailey