Daisy is Daisy
Characters
Jessica- Shy, Passive
Daisy- Snobby, Popular, Rude
Rebecca- bystander, very stupid
Setting- These three girls are teens that are in high school. Daisy is the ‘it’ girl and Rebecca follows her around all the time. Jessica is the nerdy girl that doesn’t have any friends.
Act I Scene I
At school Rebecca and Daisy are talking in the hall
Daisy:
You wanna know something?
(Looking at her nails)
Rebecca:
What?
Daisy:
(looks over at Jessica)
We have a pretty bland life.
Rebecca:
(Shrugs shoulders)
I guess
Daisy:
(jerks head in direction of Jessica)
It’d be more fun with THAT in our life.
Rebecca:
What?
(Daisy jerks her head again) ,
Oh, Jessica?
Daisy:
(shushes Rebecca)
Shut up!
(She rolls her eyes)
We should have her be our friend.
Rebecca:
(looks at Jessica and then leans close to Daisy)
How would that be fun?
Daisy:
(moves her close to her locker)
Do you see how nerdy she is? Like, come on, we could totally, like, change her into someone cool.
(Closes locker and starts walking to Jessica)
Like me.
(scream at the other side of the hall where Jessica is alone)
Hey, Jess! OMG, you look so good today!
(Rebecca follows along)
Jessica:
(Looks down and fidgets with the bottom of her shirt)
You really think so?
Rebecca:
(overexcited)
Totes!
(get’s a glare from Daisy)
Daisy:
(Clears throat)
So, we wanted to know if you wanted to go to the mall or something!
(plasters on a fake smile)
Jessica:
(Smiles a little)
What for?
Daisy:
(Looks at Rebecca knowingly)
Because we want to get to know you.
Jessica:
I guess I can go with you guys.
Rebecca:
(claps while jumping up and down)
Yay! This is gonna be so fun!
Jessica:
(Closes locker)
I hope so.
(The three of them walk off)
Act I Scene II
All three are at the mall and are searching for dresses.
Daisy:
(steps out of dressing room with a black dress on)
Don’t I look really good?
Jessica:
(Looks at Daisy and admires her)
Oh, my god! You look amazing! That dress fits you so well! Plus your hair, it looks so red! I can’t believe how great you look! You should definitely buy that dress Daisy. I so wish that I looked like you! You could be a model.
Daisy:
(flips hair)
I know!
(skips back into the dressing room)
Rebecca:
(moves closer to Jessica and whispers)
Isn’t she just amazing?
Jesica:
Yes she looks so beautiful
Rebecca:
You know,
(Leans closer)
You could be just as beautiful.
Jessica:
But I-
Rebecca:
(interrupts)
No, seriously! All you have to do is get some highlights in this black mop, wear better clothes and you could get so many boys coming to you.
(contemplates for a little)
Actually, you guys really look alike!
Jessica:
(Looks shocked)
Really?
Daisy:
(Comes out with another dress on)
What are you guys talking about? Me, I presume?
(grins)
Jessica:
(Mumbles)
No of course not-
Rebecca:
(Laughs)
No, love! Just girl talk!
(winks at Daisy)
Act I Scene III
Rebecca and Daisy are in th the middle of class
Rebecca:
(Leans in)
Dais, I think we’ve come too far.
Daisy:
(Looks confused)
Wait, what are you talking about?
Rebecca:
(Serious look)
Jessica, she’s like, completely different. Have you seen her? Her hair is permed to be curly like yours and she is dressing exactly like you. She told me today that she got bored of her hair and is changing it to red. Just like yours.
Daisy:
(Rolls eyes)
Oh, my God. Rebecca you are so paranoid sometimes. It’s fine. She just loves me, just like everyone.
(puts hand on shoulder)
It’s fine. We have her right where we want her.
Rebecca:
(pushes hand off and Daisy looks offended)
Daisy, I couldn’t be more serious about this. She stares at you
Daisy:
(rolls eyes again)
Rebecca, I’m alive, aren’t I?
(Stands up from seat)
Whatever, I’m leaving to go to the mall with Jessica. Don’t text me because I won’t be answering.
(bell rings)
Rebecca:
(rushed)
I wish that I could join you guys when you are at the mall, but I have to do the stupid thing with my mom. I want to protect you.
(Daisy ignores her)
Act II Scene I
Jessica and Daisy are at Jessica’s car driving to the mall. The music is loud
Jessica:
(Leans over and turns down the radio)
Hey, Dais?
Daisy:
(Turns up the music a little)
What? Can’t it wait till after the song?
Jessica:
(Turns down the music again)
It’s really important, so I think you can handle not listening to the rest of it.
Daisy:
(Smiles)
Okay, my little spitfire. What’s so important?
Jessica:
(Looks back and forth from her and the road casually)
You see me as a good friend, right?
Daisy:
(shrugs)
Sure, I see us as pretty close.
Jessica:
(looks at her completely and leans closer)
How close?
Daisy:
(Looks away nervously)
I’m… not sure?
Jessica:
(Slyly Smirks and leans closer)
Closer than Rebecca?
Daisy:
(Starts getting scared)
The only thing that is closer is your face, back up.
Jessica:
(Stays up and her smirk widens)
So you say we are not as close?
Daisy:
(leans away)
Jess, I’ve been friends with Rebecca since kindergarten. I’ve known you for, like, three months.
Jessica:
(Her face drops)
Oh.
(Abruptly goes back to her seat)
Does that mean…
(Face hardens and jaws tightened)
That you wouldn't die for me?
Daisy:
(Gets as close to her side of the car as possible)
Jess, are you, like, okay and stuff?
Jessica:
(Suddenly happy)
Oh, yeah, fine. I can see things clearly now.
Daisy:
And how is that?
Jessica:
(looks Daisy in the eyes)
That I will never be enough.
(looks forward and steps on the gas)
Daisy:
(Turns to the road also)
Woah, Jess what are you doing?
Jessica:
(Continues to stare at the road and shrugs)
I have other plans for us.
Daisy:
(Looks back and forth to the road and Jessica)
Wait, and what are those?
Jessica:
(Smiles a little)
Well, we aren’t going to the mall for one.
Daisy:
Okay? Then where to? Where are we gonna go?
(Jessica ignores her)
Jessica, you’re really freaking me out. Cut it out! You aren’t being funny right now.
Jessica:
OMG, like, you should just chill, Daisy. We’re going to my place
Act II Scene II
Jessica and Daisy are in Jessica's basement. Jessica is standing by the door and Daisy is tied up.
Daisy:
(looks around)
Jessica? What the hell is this?
(looks down at tied up arms and legs)
Let me go! I didn’t do anything!
Jessica:
(laughs)
But this is about you
Daisy:
Okay, well do I have to be tied up for this?
(nervous laugh)
Like, come on, we can just go upstairs, eat some lowfat greek yogurt and talk.
Jessica:
It’s too late for that now, Daisy.
Daisy:
(starts to cry)
But, I didn’t do anything wrong! I’m perfect and I demand you to get this stupid rope off of me!
Jessica:
(Ignores her pacing back and forth)
Daisy:
What the hell?! Seriously! This isn’t funny, like at all! Just let me go! Ugh. What do you want? Money? Clothes? Me to pick you over Rebecca? I can do that! You are my favorite! My bestie!
Jessica:
(Snaps)
I already said it’s too late. Now shut the hell up before I tape your mouth.
Daisy:
(Sobs silently)
Jessica:
Do you even know what it’s like being me? Do you know how lonely it was before you came along? 3 years I had nothing. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, NO FRIENDS, NOT EVEN A FAMILY. You wouldn't even know that. You don’t pay attention to anything but yourself.
(Takes deep breath)
Anyways, I’m getting off topic. Well years ago I had a friend. She was a sweetheart, you know? The type of girl you can’t help but enjoy being around, even if you had different interests. But she left me, willingly. She left me high and dry and you’d think I’d be used to it, but nope! I was hurt! Still am!
(Sharp turn to Daisy)
But then you came along, you finally gave me a place. A friendship. And Daisy Love of all people! The one person that never even looked at her best friend, Rebecca. After you showed me what it was like to have fashion, to have taste, I needed more. I still need more. I felt like being with you guys, I mattered, but it still wasn’t enough. Rebecca was better than me and that isn’t okay! You have to like me more! Everyone has to like me more so I thought…
(Pause)
Hey, I look just like you. The only difference is our hair, and you know how easy hair is able to be fixed.
(Looks at phone)
I’m actually getting it done in an hour, so let's speed this up. Anyway, long story short, I’m gonna be you now. I’m gonna get all the attention and an actual family, I’ll have the clothes and-
(Shakes out of daydream)
But you, you’ll be nothing. You’ll be in an unmarked grave.
Daisy:
(Eyes widen)
Grave? You’re gonna kill me? No! I’m too young! I have to take care of everything I have! My car, my clothes, rats can get to them omg! I have my diet! Omg, if you feed me I need carrots! Slim body is key!
Jessica:
(Shrugs off)
Oh, that’s just minor details, I can do all that now. Don’t you worry your pretty little head off. I think I’m going to get rid of the dog though. She might know it’s not you, and I don’t need that little flea bag blowing my cover.
Daisy:
(Cries again)
Please, don’t hurt Princess! Please! She didn’t do anything!
Jessica:
I guess you should have thought of that when you decided to befriend me.
Daisy:
What does my dog have anything to do with being your friend? That doesn’t make any sense!
Jessica:
It doesn’t matter, I’m the one with the knife here. I’m the one in charge.
Daisy:
(eyes widen)
A knife? Omg, no way! Ugh, this is worse than the day that my hair turned out to be autumn sunrise and not fresh strawberry!
Jessica:
Oh, my God. Shut the hell up!
Daisy:
(Bites lip to stop saying things)
Jessica:
You know what? Why am I even letting this go on?
(Walks towards Daisy)
(Cuts throat)
Daisy:
(Dies)
Act II Scene III
Rebecca stands in the school hallway waiting for Daisy to meet her.
Jessica:
(Walks up to Rebecca)
Hey there
Rebecca:
(turns and looks at her)
Hey, Dais, how you doing?
Jessica:
Omg, things are going just great.
Rebecca:
(Stares at her for a moment)
Dais, you look… different.
Jessica:
Whatever do you mean?
Rebecca:
Like, your hair.
Jessica:
I know it didn’t come out as autumn sunrise like I wanted. Omg. Let’s not talk about that Bec
Rebecca:
Oh, girl, I’m so sorry, omg.
Jessica:
Do you want to hang out.
Rebecca:
What about Jessica?
Jessica:
She’s old news now. We got into a confrontation.
Rebecca:
Oh, that makes sense! She was starting to creep me out anyway.
Jessica:
Now it’s just you and me Rebecca.
Rebecca:
Yay!
The end
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140,730 Literary Works • 673,682 Reviews
Hello, ashpandas! It’s Kara here for a (hopefully) quick review!
Give me your soul.With that aside... I'm going to do something different.
First of all, you need to have all dialogue right next to the person who's saying it. For example, we might do:
Just wanted to point this out, since you don't do this at all in your piece.
Second, you don't need to list the little details that the characters do. The producers of the piece will do that for you. It's pretty obvious what the characters will do with the dialogue. If you really don't want to give them up, remove the parenthesis and italicize them instead. That's what I've seen in most scripts, anyway.
Third, you don't need that title at the top. You've already got it automatically, so you don't need it. On that note, you don't need the "the end" at the bottom as well. It's pretty obvious it's the end (haha, Eddsworld references) so you don't really need that.
Fourth, holy flip the twist. That actually scared me a little. However, it also sort of insulted me. I'm a nerd myself, you know, and the fact that this and several other stories label nerds as psychos just kind of insulted me.
Give me your soul --
Kara
Hi, ashpandas! I'm Pan and I'll be reviewing your work today. I've recently started delving into script-writing, so I was drawn to this piece partly to see if I could learn something from it.
I'm kind of in two minds about this piece. On the one hand, it did rope me in (not immediately - I'll get to that in a minute) and I found myself laughing to myself during parts of it; the dark twist also took me by surprise. On the other hand, I couldn't work out whether the story was actually intended to be humorous or not - you didn't list 'humour' as a genre, so I wasn't sure whether this was supposed to be realistic and hard-hitting. This makes it difficult to interpret. As a tongue-in-cheek dark comedy, it's got amazing potential. As a dramatic piece? Not so much.
I'm not going to go through nitpicks, because there was nothing that leapt out at me as being particularly problematic. I'd only recommend that, when a character uses someone's name, you put a comma before the name. Like this:
Give me the bag, Kelsey.
Don't do that, dear.
Have you seen the dragon, Alfred?
You often forget to put a comma before the term of address, which makes the writing look a bit monotone. It's not a big problem, but look for it in editing. Now for the meat of the review. I'm just doing to list my thoughts and concerns as they occurred to me.
1) Like LoyalDay said, you need to add in more description. People tend to think that scripts are sparse and completely dialogue-focused, but when you sit down and read them, it's surprising just how much precise description they include. Think of a script as being like an instruction manual. As well as telling the actors what to say, it needs to tell them what to do. You could stand to provide a lot more information about the setting, the outfits, the gestures of the characters, their interaction with the environment. I'm assuming this is a play script, so it probably won't contain as much description as one for television or film, but it still should have more than it does.
You also need to be more specific in your existing stage directions. Instead of saying 'Daisy: (Dies)', actually give us specific information about how she acts as she dies. Does she clutch her throat and kick her legs? Give us all the gory details.
2) You need a stronger opening. I did eventually get roped into the narrative, but not really until the scene where Jessica and Daisy are in the car. Up until then, the story is quite pedestrian and bland - there's no real hook. I understand that you don't want to jump straight into Jessica turning murderous, but you need to have some kind of note of intrigue to start the story or people will lose interest before they get to to good bits.
3) At first, I found Daisy annoying, but as it went on I felt that she worked hilariously as a parodied character. The bit where Jessica says she has a knife and Daisy compares it to her hair dye disaster was a real highlight for me. It's strange for such a dark scene to also be so humorous, but it kind of works.
4) Even though I eventually found Daisy funny, I think you need to be careful with your characters, because all of them are very stereotypical. We've got the vain, popular girl who loves herself, an airhead sidekick, and a nerd with no friends who eventually turns murderous (and monologues about her terrible life before striking the final blow). It is a bit of a cliché, which means that to make it work you have to be very self aware. You have to make a deliberate satire of it to pull it off. I'd like to see you take the story to even more absurd proportions, possibly by exploiting even more of the teen fiction tropes and playing to the perceived audience more.
5) I'm not really that convinced by the end. Even if Jessica looks similar to Daisy, there's no way she'd actually be able to impersonate her just by mimicking her voice and dressing like her. People are incredibly good at identifying subtle differences between faces. There's no way that a dog would pick up on the impersonation but Daisy's family wouldn't. And even Rebecca isn't stupid enough that she wouldn't recognise Jessica. Humans, smart or otherwise, are all experts in facial recognition.
6) I'd consider extending this, because I think we need more of a build up between Daisy befriending Jessica and Jessica turning homicidal. I want more scenes between the three friends, more foreshadowing that Jessica has a sinister side. You have a little bit when Rebecca mentions that Jessica is dressing like Daisy, but it isn't quite enough. We barely get two lines from Jessica prior to her going round the twist.
I'll call the review there. This was certainly an entertaining read, but I think you need to push it even further to really unlock the humour and get the best from the idea. The ending could also do with a bit of revision, because it didn't quite convince me. Nevertheless, I'd still give this the thumbs up overall. You made me laugh, which is certainly a good sign.
Keep writing!
~Pan
Woah, this was...intense.
Woah, this was...intense.
Woah, this was...intense.