The Traveler - by Skylhur Tranqille author of LANDED WINGS

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It's so small
Yet
It does so much
Much more than
I
Could ever do for myself,
Really.
I mean
What is it?
A trillion tiny grains in a
Plastic?
Container
Shooting through space
And maybe time...
I don't know.
But it does it to
Start a change
Incite a rebeliion
Against
Well, illness
I guess
So small so
Small
Its name is a letter
Just
One
Letter
Uncomplicated, austere even
It makes me think
I
I a human
Complicated, emotional
Bigger, smarter
Can do less, so much less
Then
The traveler
Who moves amongst pink walls....

For additional work, please visit www.landedwings.com
Comments & reviews · 2
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User avatar
AlfredSymon
Review

Hey ashly! Me here for a very short review! I'm not a poet and all, but I'm an avid reader, and there are just some stuff that you need to see.

It's so small
Yet
It does so much
Much more than
I
Could ever do for myself,
Really.
I mean
What is it?

Okay, so great start; serene and slow. However, I didn't appreciate the next part. The tone turned teenage crude from the beautiful tone. Adding really breaks the rhythm. Then asking for certainty drops it off. I really wish that you'd see this :)

A trillion tiny grains in a
Plastic?
Container
Shooting through space
And maybe time...
I don't know.

Okay, so I understand the question mark. But does the container part need to be separated from the plastic? Another thing, the two final lines don't really work. It turned out that the uncertainty is so unsure that it became a bit weak.

Against
Well, illness
I guess
So small so
Small
Its name is a letter
Just
One
Letter

These lines turned out to be really confusing. Try to use punctuation because readers won't know how and when to stop. Also, the essence of it is turned down with all those interjections like 'I guess' and whatnot.

That's all for today! I hope I helped :)

Yours indefinitely,
Alf :D

User avatar
Paracosm
Review

Hey! I'm going to give you a quick review. I'm not an awesome poet, nor do I review poetry well, but I'll do my best to be helpful. Here goes!

This was a very abstract piece, and I didn't pick up on the meaning. I think it's either an atom, or the narrator himself. I enjoyed reading the poem, it had a sense of mystery to it. I feel like the structure is choppy, and a little confusing. I prefer solid, bigger stanzas than I do this pattern in poetry.

That's just a matter of opinion, it's fine as it is, but I would do a quick proofread, there are some minor typos. 'I am human' for instance. But aside from that, your poem was very interesting. Keep up the good work!



The best and most beautiful things in the world can not be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart.
— Helen Keller