z

Young Writers Society



Spoken Sin - 3

by ashleylee


I really enjoyed writing this chapter so hopefully that shows.

Happy Reading :D

______________________

Chapter Three

Everlancor was decorated to impress. There wasn’t one wall not taken advantage of to exhibit the wealth of its inhabitants. Paintings signed by renowned artists festooned every room, along with many portraits of the esteemed Baron himself, his wife, Mary, and their beloved nine-year-old niece, Sarafina.

Vera had heard the tragic tale of how both her father and mother fell terribly ill from lung impairments, dying shortly after her fifth birthday. Mrs. Mary Cranford was the one who opened her compassion to take in Sarafina and raise her as her own.

Lady Darnold led them into the dining room, which instantly quieted to a silence so deep that Vera could hear the blood thudding in her eardrums. The Baron then stepped forward, smiling broadly, and only then did talk resume.

Vera had only seen the man on one occasion—her father’s fortieth birthday, and that was almost five years ago. He seemed to have grown horizontally since the last time she had seen him, the buttons on his vest nearly popping at his robust chest. His face was ruddy and he was having to constantly rub his brow with his handkerchief.

Vera wrinkled her nose in distaste.

“Mrs. Harriet Adams, it has been far too long since our last encounter,” the Baron rumbled, his voice deep and hoarse.

“Agreed, Baron Cranford.”

“Oh, dear, no need for such civility here. This is my home and you will call me Arthur.”

“Arthur,” Mrs. Adams corrected herself with an appropriate embarrassed bow of her head at his statement that was said in lack of propriety. Baron Cranford led her to the table, pulled out the chair for her, and then turned to Vera.

“And is this your daughter, Mrs. Harriet?”

“Yes, indeed it is.”

“My, my,” the Baron mumbled, “The last time I saw you, dearie, was five years ago. You were only a girl then. But you have definitely grown to make your mother proud. Such a vision, she is.”

“Thank you, Sir. You’re too kind.”

Vera curtsied and greeted Baron Cranford, allowing him to kiss her gloved hand. Once she was seated at her mother’s side, she was able to breathe easier. Her heart had nearly broke through her corset when Baron Cranford had examined her. She knew he wasn’t the only one, however. The Baron’s approval was of utmost importance, as her mother had continued to tell her on the carriage ride over. And now that she had passed the largest test of the evening, she assumed that the rest of the evening would go fairly well.

The dinner consisted of the normalities—venison, whole potatoes, white wine, and a lemon cake. The seating arrangement made it easy for her to see and observe everyone. The Baron and his wife sat at the end, their niece between them.

When prompted by the guests for her to paint them a picture—for it was said she was talented of hand—she would bow her head daintily, take a sip of her milk, and thank the guest for their attention. She was a delightful girl with blonde curls and was dressed in a pink frock. Though Sarafina had lost her parents at such a tender age, she was full of spirit and Vera had high hopes that she would be an increasingly charming woman once she reached of age.

The Governor Darnold and his wife, Lady Darnold was present there. Governor Darnold was a sullen man, one of few words and even fewer geniuses. He was straightforward and plain, but Lady Darnold—a regal woman with prominent features and a striking figure—doted most lovingly on the handful of words that he gave. She hovered near him and was never without patting his hand or cheek fondly. Vera had never seen more of an incompatible couple, or one that was so in love.

Mrs. Adams talked most precociously with Lady Darnold and the Baron, their conversations one of amiable humor with many laughs and talk of further dinners together.

Across from Mrs. Adams was the sister of Lady Darnold, Miss Maria, widowed only a month previous. She was dressed in the traditional black gown and veil. Through the veil, Vera could tell that she had all the pompousness that her sister was bestowed with, but with a more sensible character. Whenever asked of her late husband, she would sniff appropriately—which Vera had no doubt meant that tears were not far off—and say that he was a fine man, one of agreeable natures and of a humor that made the most morose of men laugh most jovially.

Beside her was an empty seat, which didn’t catch Vera’s attention as much as the man beside it did.

Admiral Yalmire was gorging himself, eating more than the Baron himself; but Yalmire wasn’t robust. He was a trim man, his hair fully gray, his eyebrows bushy. He still had the hint of youth about him, though he was well into his fifties. Vera knew that he had been handsome in his prime, but the wear of the Navy had stripped him of his prize appearance. Years and years ago, before Vera had been born, rumors had swirled about the birth of Yalmire’s daughter, Amelia. They said that it was impossible for his wife to have a baby so soon. There was talk that Yalmire had a mistress and Amelia was the mistress’ baby, not Mrs. Yalmire’s.

Mrs. Yalmire died shortly after these rumors started. Some said that Mrs. Yalmire couldn’t take the talk and her susceptible heart gave out. Others whispered worse things—suicide… murder.

Vera wouldn’t hear any of it; though she didn’t put it past Yalmire. If he did have a mistress, it seemed that his daughter had followed in his footsteps, looking for a young married man to catch her eye. It hadn’t been hard. Her father had been predisposed from the beginning, always being the charismatic and sometimes overly zealous man that he was.

“Darling, the Baron asked you a question.” Her mother’s mouth was tight, and Vera felt her cheeks flood with color. It had been years since she had been onslaught with such emotions, ones that could bring such a flush to her face.

“My pardons, Baron Cranford,” Vera said, raising her chin high as the flowers died in her cheeks, receding to their normal hue.

“No worries, Miss Adams. Now, Mrs. Harriet tells me you have quite the aptitude for the harp.”

Vera smiled softly. “Aye, I am fairly endowed.”

“Don’t be so modest, Vera!” Mrs. Adams exclaimed, turning to the Baron. “She is more than agreeable.”

“Why don’t you play us a tune, then, Miss Adams.”

“She is also a pleasant singer,” Lady Darnold added, smiling kindly at Vera, who felt her fingers tremble with nerves. She hadn’t performed in front of guests in many years. Did she still have the qualities to impress?

“My, child, we don’t mean to trouble you,” Mrs. Mary Cranford said quickly, noting Vera’s shaking limbs.

Vera cleared her throat with a soft cough into her napkin before standing. “I would be honored to play for you, Baron.”

A harp was taken from one room to this one. It was a magnificent piece of instrument, golden and recently polished. Mrs. Cranford told Vera that little Sarafina was learning to be adequate upon the harp as well.

Vera thanked the Baron for allowing her the dispensation of playing before taking her seat upon the stool. Straightening her skirts and taking a modest pose, she cleared her throat, placed her fingers across the strings, and strummed them, creating a soft tinkling that made the guests ‘Awe’ with delight. Little Sarafina kicked up her legs, clapping her hands together with mirth as Vera struck a cord.

Clearing her throat one last time, she conjured up the song that she had sung only the day before. It was a melody that borderlined on melancholy, though none of the guests of Everlancor guessed that such ill-feelings boded on Vera. She didn’t know why this song assailed her so suddenly and so cogently.

Her countenance heightened with the words; her voice filled the spacious chamber with a accent that displayed her sweetness of character and yet of a past that brought her great anguish, though there was only a single soul that could hear the latter.

None noticed the stranger’s entrance until Vera strummed the last chord on the harp, the instrument bringing about a raucous applause that crimsoned Vera’s cheeks. Her eyes lifted from the harp and the stranger jolted at the sight of those familiar Nordic blue orbs that had struck him speechless five years previous.

He would have known her anywhere. She hadn’t changed, though maybe in being bequeathed with a more feminine figure, he noted, as she stood, avoiding his eyes. Her hair was still a dark recess of wayward curls and unruly tendrils. He almost smiled at the thought of her spending hours making it form to what was fitting in that tight up-do. She was taller as well, held herself in more prominence than she had before. Her face was sculpted, had lost the hint of innocence. It was now a woman’s countenance that he saw—no longer a girl of riotous proportions.

He had the sudden notion of turning back. He hadn’t expected to see her so presently after hearing of her arrival in London, though it was inevitable. Mrs. Adams would, no doubt, be invited to all the renowned balls, as she was intimately close with Lady Darnold. Now that he had a prominent position in the life of Barons and Governors, their meeting was bound to be preordained.

It was then that the Baron became known of their newest arrival.

“Bennett, my boy! Why stay so unspecified to us?” the Baron boomed, clapping the young man fondly on the back.

Meanwhile, as Bennett was introduced to the party, Vera quickly excused herself to the powder room on credence that she felt a pin slipping in her hair. Mrs. Adams volunteered to help her, but Vera declined and swiftly exited the room.

In the powder room, she bent low and clutched at her abdomen. How could he be here, in the very same room? How could she bear to hear his voice, hear his name spoken? He was so different… so established.

His lanky frame that she evoked was left to only her memories. He was now well developed in the sense of his figure, representing a very manly articulation. His jaw alone showed the effects of his age, defined and with a hint of shadow from the lapse in regular grooming. His brow was strong, his nose delicate. His hair was still the thick waves she recollected, slightly shorter from the last time they encountered one another.

It was clear that wealth had finally blessed him, his clothes blatantly showing that not one expense was wasted in his attire. She wondered suddenly if he had chosen the career he had wanted when they had last spoken, or had he decided to follow in his father’s pathway and become a politician.

There were so many questions she wanted to ask him, so many desires and anguishes that needed to be settled before her heart could truly rest easy once more.

“Darling, the Baron is starting to fret over your long absence.” Vera quickly straightened as her mother entered the powder room. “Dear?” Mrs. Adams noted the pink of her cheeks, the red of her eyes, and took a step towards her daughter.

Vera held her off and nodded stiffly. “I’m fine, mother. I just needed a moment to collect myself.”

Mrs. Adams frowned and was going to question her daughter further, but Vera took a palpable step to the door, ending the conversation.

Back in the dining room, Vera kept her eyes on her lap the rest of the evening. Bennett was barely a yard away, close enough to touch but not far enough to ease the suffering of her heart. No one could have guessed the torment that struck Vera, though Bennett had assessments by the way her head stayed bowed and the only glimpse he had of her was the top of her head.

“Baron Cranford, excuse my belatedness in all things considered. I got caught up at the Capital. Samuel thought it humorous to leave a pile of unanswered odium mail from my loyal admirers on my person, saying I had to read each one.”

Laughter erupted around the room, and Vera felt a pang deep within her chest. So he had persuaded his father’s destiny. He had become a politician, a lawyer to be more exact from his statement of hate letters. Many lawyers were despised for their work protecting their clients and it seemed that Bennett was no exception.

“Samuel is one client of yours that I still can’t understand, Mr. Thomas,” the Governor spoke up, and Bennett grinned.

“It is a mystery to everyone, Governor Darnold. He is one of my most high paying customers.”

“And also the most conniving,” the Baron mumbled, amid chortles of agreement from the guests.

“He will be of good use to society one day, when he stops being such a lazy donkey of a man,” Bennett esteemed with a hearty laugh that sent shivers of surprise along Vera’s spine. It was deeper than she remembered, and more filled with sincerity. It was a sound that rang like bells within her ears; a noise she wouldn’t mind hearing many times after.

Vera realized then that now that Thomas Bennett was back in her life, she found that it would be most difficult concentrating on her priority she aimed to achieve in London: finding a foremost husband.

Thomas Bennett would, no doubt, cause numerous complications but Vera would not allow him to ruin her chances of redeeming her name.

No, she would not.


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Sun Jun 28, 2009 4:01 pm
EllyMelly wrote a review...



Good Morning, Ashley.

My My, what a wonderful and interesting piece. But, I shall tell you what I thought...

1) Everlancor seems like a beautiful place, but is that just it? Where there any balls held at the place? Any dinner parties such as this one or musicals? A little history of the place wouldn't hurt.

2) I know you created the characters Mrs. Mary Cranford, but here's something to consider. Have you ever heard of Mansfield Park by Jane Austen? There's this character from London, named Mary Crawford. Crawford and Cranford seems very close in name. It's up to you what you think of it.

3) I loved how you described the Baron. All robust and all. But, here's something else. Both in the Regency and Victorian era, Barons weren't called Barons. People just knew they were a Baron. They were just Lord so-and-so. Never Baron so-and-so.

4) When Thomas Bennett came in, it was a lot like Sense and Sensibility when Colonel Brandon came in and saw Marianne play. Are you making your own version S&S? Or taking bits and pieces of different classics?

5) Well, Ashley, I can tell you really loved writing this chapter. It shows. :D Anyway, I'll try to get to chapter four sometime soon. Magnificent!!

Melly or Merry




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Tue Feb 17, 2009 6:06 pm
Night Mistress wrote a review...



Hey Ash.

Glad to see you are back.

This chapter....I think it is one of my favorite so far in the story. I have nothing to say because by my standards, it seems prefect. The one thing that is bugging me is the father of Vera.

Does he not care for his family anymore? i would really like some more background infortmation. All that I know is that he divorce his wife and is with Miss Amelia. Does he not like Vera anymore or what? I would like to see them encounter one another some time in the near future.

Best of luck with your writing and happy that you are back,

Bri aka Night Mistress




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Mon Feb 16, 2009 6:29 pm
ashleylee says...



YWS readers:

I've done some major editing to this so hopefully this edition is better than the last :wink:

Hope you enjoy it! =]




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Mon Feb 16, 2009 2:26 pm
ashleylee says...



Angel of Death, Sela Locke, and mizz-iceberg:

You guys are so helpful! :D

Angel, I'm so glad you enjoy it so much. I am working on all the things you pointed out right now =]

Sela, I know, I have to always concentrate on keeping the Old English style of writing in my head but sometimes I slip up. I'll try to keep it the same throughout.

Mizz, you are always so great. I'm glad you pointed out the beginning because I didn't like it myself and I was hoping someone would have a suggestion on that.

I'll go get fixing now! Thanks again!




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Mon Feb 16, 2009 5:16 am
mizz-iceberg wrote a review...



Thanks for PMing and letting me know this chapter is up. I don't get much time to be on YWS, and I certainly wouldn't have remembered to look for the next chapter to your story.

As usual I'm in a hurry right but I wanted to put my two cents in for you. I have not read the reviews above me so if I repeat something please excuse me.

Your chapters keep getting better and better, however at the beginning I was slightly bored, not completely, but I just think you could have done better. Maybe It was all the introductions that made it dull How about you introduce your characters when they speak. So tell us about Governor Donald after he says something or does something. It will create more interest to your reader. I mean, why should I be interested in who that governor is or Sarafina, the little girl. Why does she matter? When you introduce them they should say or do something that either is directed at your MC or that your MC noticed. You could have also made the part where you told about Sarafina's background more interesting by not exactly telling us, rather showing us. A way to do that would be to maybe show Vera looking at a family portrait and someone happens to stand beside her and conversation turns towards the past of the young Sarafina pictured in the portrait. Just an idea, but I hope you get what I mean. If not let me know, and I'll further clarify.


Moving on to the nitpicks. Again, forgive me if they've already been mentioned.

“’Tis is, Sir Arthur.”


Tis has 'is' in it already. So you're kinda saying 'It is is'.


“Thank you, Sir. Your are too kind.”


You are or You're.

Vera smiled softly. “Aye, I’m am fairly endowed.”


either I'm or I am.



Do let me know when more is up.
-Zehra




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Mon Feb 16, 2009 2:39 am
Sela Locke wrote a review...



I found it hard on the eyes, if only because you kept switching from the speech and phrases of the eighteenth/nineteenth century to that of the present. Examples?

“My pardons, Baron Cranford,” Vera said, raising her chin high as the flowers died in her cheeks, receding to their normal hue.


Thomas Bennett sure did arouse problems.


While the first sentence is almost purple prose in its description, the second loses the feel of the story and makes one feel rudely yanked back to the present from the long-ago past. When I write anything about sixteenth/seventeenth/eighteenth century, I'm always painstakingly careful to remember not to narrate the way I would in a present-day story, or to make anyone in my story talk as such. That's my biggest nitpick. xD

Anyhooz, good luck! I hope this veers off in the direction none of us are expecting it to go. =D

-SELA




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Sun Feb 15, 2009 5:48 pm
Angel of Death wrote a review...



Hello Ash!

Wow, haven't talked to you in a long time, but I hope all is well and I'm really glad to see that you posted another chapter of this.

Okay, on to the critique!

“Oh, dear, no need for niceties here. This is my home and you will call me Arthur.”


I'm sure the word "niceties" fits here but I don't like it. Really, I've never really heard the word before and it just messed the whole flow.

Try: "Oh, dear, no need for such civility here. This is my home and you shall call me Arthur." Or something of that sort.
“’Tis is, Sir Arthur.”


The word "Tis" means "it is" so It is is, Sir Arthur" doesn't make sense.

Try: It is, Sir Arthur or Yes, indeed, it is, Sir Arthur
And now that she had had passed the largest test of the evening, she assumed that the rest of the evening would go fairly well.


The second 'had' can be done away with.
The dinner consisted of the normalities—roast beef, whole potatoes, white wine, and a pecan pie.


I think that roast beef was more of an American term as food goes. Meat that was eaten during those times were called 'venison' and Pecan pie, hmm? Cakes were more of a fixture than pie.
Vera, as she ate, remembered all the family dinners she used to have as a younger child and it made her relish the meal all the more.


"As she ate, Vera..."

Also, go in to more detail about this. What made her relish the meal more? Or what was so horrible about her family dinners. Elaborate a little more or get rid of this sentence. It really isn't needed.
She was a delightful girl with blonde curls dressed in a pink frock.


I know what you mean, but it sounds like you mean that her hair was dressed in a frock. Clear this up a little.
Mrs. Adams talked most precociously with Lady Darnold and the Baron, their conversations one of amiable humor with many laughs and talk of further diners together.


diners = dinners
“My pardons, Baron Cranford,” Vera said, raising her chin high as the flowers died in her cheeks, receding to their normal hue.


I love this line!
Vera smiled softly. “Aye, I’m am fairly endowed.”


Should be: "Aye, I am fairly endowed."


Thomas Bennett sure did arouse problems.


A lovely way to end this well-written chapter but I am sad it had to end! Gosh, I swear this is really good and I am so happy that you're going to keep up with this. You bring justice to this classic way of writing and you do it so eloquently. I loved every moment of this chapter and I can't wait to read more about Thomas Bennett. The dialog was good and believable.

Can't wait for the next chapter,

~Angel

Oh and I think you should keep the title as is. Spoken Sin is quite lovely.





oh oh it's another >.> fest
— Inferno