That Bird

Hey Ash!

This is a really sweet thought. I love the imagery that you use here- sweet and hopeful, yet chilling at the same time. I love how the bird represents freedom and hope for the soldiers- that makes them long for freedom themselves, and sort of seems to give thier moods a bit of a boost. Very sweet.

As I'm not very skilled in the poetrical field, I will not even try to comment on anything technical (stanzas, similes, pacing, beat...*shakes head* it all loses me). Instead I will merely reiterate that I liked this poem quite a bit.

Keep Writing!

~Shady

This has real potential! *knocks*

Hey, so, I love writing my poem-stories in this format, but I realized that the formats are for reading it. :/ sucks though, cause this format is cool. But I couldn't really grasp some of what you were trying to get across mainly because of the formatting, and the fact that you did not put this in the usual poetry stanzas and all that.
But, that said, I think it's intriguing, I was drawn in by the mystery of it, why was there a war? And all that.

Now, as for the formatting here's a little help of how it could be, and some suggestions/corrections:

That small bird fleeting through the sky.
The soldiers stare at that bird flying so high,
it is not plagued with worries and fears,
through day and night guns firing are not what it hears.

The dying soldiers long that they join that bird,
they pray and hope as their vision *blurs (suggestion),
the fighter lets that bird carry his heart,
because in war love plays no part,

The war comes to an end,
the soldiers are in commend,
but *of (correction) these medals these brave men think not,
*for(correction) they think of their brothers who lay to rot,
with only that bird,
crying down at them, it is their foreign guard,
all this death has finally left it scarred.

Overall though, I liked it. It was strange, but interesting and held truth, so...

Keep dreaming! :>