A weird world

It is very cute but if our dolls were alive that would be scary! Because what if we had the Chukie dol????!!!!

really nice,sweet and cute,But to fast if it was a little bit longer I would have given it a star. The words were beautiful you should have to explain more about fairy tales and what a chiled would dream to have.

This is cute! Add pictures and it could be a children's book or something. :]
I don't know about rhyme, as some have suggested, I think it's great how it is. Maybe punctuation changes, but that's all I can see wrong with it! Lovely work.

Awww, how cute. Seemingly, it would be great if it had a rhyme, but, it was good.

If fish go to school all day,
and children keep [s]on[/s] swimming (I cut the 'on' as it isn't necessary)
in the pool, (It should be a period here)
oh! how funny would it be?

And if there were fairies (A comma here)
instead of fireflies, (A period here)
oh how delightfull (A comma after 'oh')
would it be?? (Don't put two question marks, one would surfice)

What if clocks started (A comma here)
to talk with people, (A period here)
and our little dolls (Cute)
were real (a period here)

Oh how amazing would it be?? (Cut one question mark)

Well, as the others said, it's mostly aimed for a younger audience. But, you could have lengthed it.

Good luck.

Hey,
I agree with the others, it was a realy sweet poem and younger readers would enjoy it. I think it might have been more effective if it rhymed a little. But it's up to you, don't take my word for it!
C.C

This was really sweet

this was a cute poem. it seems to be aimed for a younger audience am i right? I think a lot of younger readers would like it.
I do think you could improve your punctuation in some parts to make it easier to read.