You are the one who keeps me calm
You are the one I look up to
You are the one that can make me smile
You are the one I can never stay mad at
You are the one that never gets mad at me
You are the one that pulls me together when I am broken
You are the one that never judges me
You are the one who never gives up on me
You are the one who I can never forget
You are the one who cheers me up when I'm sad
You are the best You are my Best Friend
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141,368 Literary Works • 674,383 Reviews
Hello. SecreteJournalist here, but do feel free to call me Brie, if you please. Welcome to YWS! I'll be happy to give a quick review to your first poem!
I'm going to start backwards and work my way up. I'm going to go through nit picks.
If these are two separate sentence (I assume so since 'You' seems to indicate a second sentence) then split them up so it's not so confusing.
This poem lacks description. This makes it general. Imagine if you put in a description on why and how they help eachother out.
Why would anyone give up on you? Put some imagery and description in there!
This is generalized in the second line, so no need to keep the first line.
Why wouldn't you be calm? Don't be so general.
Enough with the nitpicks though, I'll get to the positives! For a first poem, the general concept is awesome! With more practice, I feel you could become an amazing poet. Keep writing!
Sincerely,
SecreteJournalist
AKA
Brie
Well you have written a great poem if it is your first..
The true decription of a friendnis revealed here..
Keep writing..I enjoyed it!
Well you have written a great poem if it is your first..
The true decription of a friend is revealed here..
Keep writing..I enjoyed it!
Hi
Considering this is your first poem it's awesome. Love it. It describes my best friend perfectly so I can easily relate. My one and only suggestion is to change:
"you are the one that pulls me together when I am broken"
To:
"you are the one that puts me back together when I break"
But of course that's just my opinion and it works either way.
Great job. Keep writing.
Thank you for your review!!