Published November 24, 2011
Removed at the author's request.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,439 Literary Works • 674,446 Reviews
I really like this poem! I thought that the imagery in this was really good, especially in this stanza:
Beautiful!I enjoyed the rhyming in this. I have always preferred rhyming poems personally. I also thought that the rhythm was overall pretty good. There were a few lines where it was off and it kind of jumped though. I think your main problem is that you made some lines too short. I'm not sure, it just seemed abrupt in some places. Mostly it was fine though
There was also one minor typo: Should be envy.
Overall, I really enjoyed this! I think it has a good message behind it. The imagery was fantastic and it was well written. Well done!
"She wears a dress
of flowers and ivy.
Breathes life
as other look upon her with ency.
Her beauty diminishes
as smoke fills her lungs.
Begging for air,
as it becomes stolen by thugs.
Her eyes
once a vibrant green
become ghostly pale
losing its sheen...
Glass pierces her skin,
with cuts that run deep
as the ocean.
Yet no one helps her as she weeps.
Everyone knows of her,
because they do this - we do this.
We're hurting her.
We're bruising her.
We're scarring her.
We're killing her.
And we'll regret it when she's dead."
All of those stanzas were very good, but that's my opinion, and I'm not the best poetry analyzer. But in my mind, I really liked it, because it's a clever way to show your thoughts on pollution, and other dangers to the world. Nice job, and keep up the good work.