“She’s not here yet,” Naomi informed him matter-o-factly as he scanned the crowd.
“I know,” Ed said, too late realizing it was a trap, and he’d admitted he was looking.
Naomi giggled, and Ed chose that moment to walk away from her. A break from Naomi was never a bad idea.
It had been a while since they’d been to a Council Meeting. They’d used to come all the time back when his father was alive, but Aunt Sharon, like his mother, detested them, and had refused to bring them.
But by the looks of things the entire coven was here tonight. He supposed he should be grateful they were all here to support Nikki and her family, except he knew that wasn’t what it was, they were just curious who would take his place on the Council.
It was always strange, seeing them all together like this. They looked so vastly different you never would have thought these people had any connection to each other. They came from every possible socio-economic class, racial background, and cultural background. Some wore the traditional robes on their kind, while others chose to wear business suits. Some had been watching too many movies and looked like badly-dressed gothic-vampires. It was bad enough that some vampires still dressed that way, let alone his own kind. Some wore traditional clothing of their magic tradition, whether it was French, Jamaican, West African, or one of the myriad of magical backgrounds that made up their coven. As weird as it was though, he’d missed it.
He took a deep breath, and choked on the dust that filled his lings. As much as he loved being a witch, his one complaint was their complete aversion to anything modern. The underground Cavern they met in must have been a thousand years old. It was the same one used by the Native American covens that used to inhabit these parts, and they still held thousand-year old tapestries of their native lore that might’ve been cool if they weren’t so riddled with moths. Mingled with them were Coat of Arms of the ancient French families who had established such a strong magic tradition in New Orleans. Then of course, the Caribbean magical influence in the form of masks and tribal statues. Naomi loved these especially, but Ed didn’t like the shadows the cast. And their empty eye sockets always gave him the creeps, like someone was watching him. Not that he was going to ever tell Naomi this. As far as she was concerned, he loved the rustic underground cavern with it’s hodgepodge of relics that made up their council chamber.
“Hey loser!”
He didn’t have time to react before someone grabbed his head forced him into a headlock.
“Nikki!” he said, though it was muffled because he was speaking out of her armpit. He finally managed to wrench himself free, nearly losing his balance in the process. He tried to glare at her, amid straightening his jacket, but she only laughed, and his glare instantly faded away.
It had been so long since he’d seen her, almost a month. He couldn’t remember the last time they’d been apart that long. He wasn’t sure what he expected when he saw her, but it wasn’t that. She wore her signature bright red pants and lipstick, complete with loads of glittering jewelry. Her golden hair was back to looking like it had just been featured in a shampoo commercial, unlike the last time he’d seen her.
She looked like Nikki. Like a Nikki who hadn’t lost her father a couple months ago. And it was positively freaky.
It was a moment before he noticed the hand she was waving in front of his face. “Hey, Ed, you still in there?”
He shoved her hand away. “I didn’t miss you, you know.”
She grinned, “Liar,” and the next thing he knew she was wrapping her arms around him.
His arms naturally found their way around her. It felt good, like the space that had existed between them recently had just disappeared. He could almost believe it would be that simple.
Too soon, she let him go. Her misty blue eyes flashed as she looked him up and down. “You gotten shorten since the last time I saw you?” she asked. That was one of her favorite quips. She was already taller than him, and she always wore heels to emphasize that fact. Normally he would have rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t stop himself from staring at her. If anything, she looked like she’d gotten taller. At the funeral she’d kept her head down so no one could see her crying. And then she’d collapsed on her father’s coffin, refusing to move. He’d finally had to drag her away. It was a while before she stopped sobbing enough to stand on her own.
There was none of that girl now.
Before Ed could stop her she reached up and rubbed his head.
“You cut your hair again,” she whispered. “You’re supposed to grow it out so we can give you cornwall braids.”
Ed hit her hand away. “I’d look stupid with braids.”
Nikki hit him back. “They’d toughen you up. You’re too cute.”
Ed turned to glare at her, but then only made her grin more. “You know your ears turned red when you’re blushing?”
And now he remembered why he wasn’t going to miss Nikki when she left for Celeste’s. She always saw right through him.
Course, he might not have to worry about seeing her again, considering how long she’d been ignoring his calls.
“Ed,” she said, punching him on the shoulder. “Seriously, will stop acting like such a pasty and talk to me?”
That earned her another glare. Pasty was their nickname for Vampires, the kind of Vampires who spent all their time sulking in the shadows. He wasn’t sure why the movies always had the heroine falling for these types, nobody in their right mind would want anything to do with those loners.
“You calling me pasty? When’s the last time you got any sun?” That might have been on the low-side, as Nikki was on the tanner side of spectrum, but it got her to grin none-the-less.
“Come on, we should get a seat before…” she trailed off. Ed followed her line of sight and his stomach sank.
“The best seats are this way,” he said, pulling Nikki in the opposite direction. She, however, wouldn’t budge.
“You can’t avoid him forever, Ed,” she said, fighting back a smirk.
“Sure I can,” Ted muttered, but it was too late. They had already been made.
“Nikki!” A flash of perfectly-sculpted curls whacked Ed in the face as Carmen Johnson flung her arms around Nikki’s neck. Ed moved away, out of the danger zone. Carmen was nowhere near as obnoxious as her brother, but her association with him was enough to put Ed on edge.
“Look at you, you look so good,” Carmen said, releasing Nikki, “That stuff’s really working. You’re going to able to come over tonight, right? We need to reapply.”
“Of course,” Nikki smiled, before glancing at the person behind Carmen. Much to Ed’s disappointment, her smile stayed put.
“Just make sure you use your own bathroom this time,” James Johnson, Carmen’s twin, said from behind her. “I just barely got the fish oil smell out of mine.”
“Why do we think we used yours?” Carmen said, eyes flashing. Nikki giggled and James shook his head in disgust.
And Ed just sat there, feeling like the outsider, he’d never felt that way around Nikki before. From the way things sounded, she’d been spending a lot of time with the Johnson’s lately. He assumed she’d been blowing everyone off because she wanted to be alone, but now he knew it was just him she’d been blowing off.
As if he could read Ed’s mind, James glanced toward him, and his smirk turned to a sneer.
“Well, well, well, look what the werecat drug in? Edgar Moore.” He looked Ed up and down. “Still waiting for that growth spurt?”
Ed flushed red. He really wasn’t that short, he just had the misfortune to be surrounded by freakishly tall people. He wanted to say as much, but before he could Carmen hit her brother.
“Please, it’s not his fault you’re a giant.” Carmen gave him what she probably meant to be a pitying smile, but it came across as far too patronizing. “It’s nice of your family to join us again.”
Ed wanted so badly to throw it back in her face somehow, but seeing how that had gone for him last time, he didn’t even bother.
“We’re here for the Shephards,” he said. Carmen gave him anther quick, toothless smile before turning back to Nikki.
His pride would never let him admit this, but Carmen was one of the prettiest people he knew. Her golden-highlights cast a golden-glow on her dark, smooth skin. Though she sometimes came across as an airheaded beauty, her eyes were bright and intelligent, like almond-shaped windows into the abyss.
Her brother, on the other hand, just looked like a giant oaf, with a long face and big lips and thick arms. He couldn’t see how any girl could go for him, though from what Nikki told him, there were plenty that were stupid enough to try.
“Ed’s knows I’m just messing with him, don’t you?” James punched him in the shoulder, and Ed stumbled sideways. Ed shot him a glare, which he returned with a smirk. He’d done it on purpose, then.
“Besides, it’s my sacred duty, as the son of a Council member, to make sure he’s ready for Celeste’s trials, aint it?” He literally puffed out his chest, winking at Nikki.
Nikki rolled her eyes, while Ed wished he could get away with punching James. That was his biggest problem with the Johnson’s. All the Council member kids were pretty snooty, Nikki excluded, but the Johnson’s were a whole different breed. They acted like royalty just because their dad was the youngest ever appointed-member of the council, a fact they never let anyone forget.
“I’m not going even going to try to get into Celeste’s, so your concern, while touching, isn’t needed.” He knew he failed to keep the sarcasm out of his voice, but he didn’t care. It was up to these political types too be two-faced, not him. He told it like it was.
James raised an eyebrow. “You sure, man? because your names on the list of the potentials.”
Now it was Ed’s turn to look confused, before he realized James must be messing with him. “Yeah, real funny, man.”
“I’m not kidding,” James said, though he was laughing now. “You’re trial time and date is already set. It’s two weeks from today.”
Ed opened his mouth, probably to say something far less civil than before, when shouting from the across the room interrupted them.
“No, I will not calm down!” Aunt Sharon’s shrill voice echoed through the cavern, turning several heads. “I’m tired of your tyrannical Council butting into everyone’s lives.”
Ed glanced at the woman standing across from Aunt Sharon, and blushed. Esperanza Rosarios was a senior member of the Council. Ed didn’t remember much of what she said back when they used to come to the meetings, but he remembered her eyes, piercing black slits that made him feel guilty even when he hadn’t done anything wrong. She wasn’t a woman most people were willing to cross, but Aunt Sharon had never been one to keep her mouth shut.
“Then we shall speak privately,” Rosarios said, glancing around the curious onlookers. She didn’t look embarrassed, just annoyed, which was why most of them quickly looked away. “Edgar should join us as well,” she said, catching him staring from across the cavern.
James gave him a knowing smirk while Ed gulped involuntarily, hopefully something James didn’t notice. Nikki gave him a concerned look as he walked passed, but he just shrugged, trying to look more nonchalant than he felt as he followed Rosarios and Sharon to a dark, secluded corner of the cavern.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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Hey artemis! I thought I'd drop by for a quick review today, since this has been sitting in the Green Room for way too long!
So something I really liked that you did here was how you both described the setting and established Ed's character at the same time by coloring your description of the setting with Ed's opinions about his surroundings. It added a lot of interest to the scenic description, and it's a really good tactic to do because then those paragraphs are pulling double the weight.
I felt like you spent too long with Nikki and Ed talking, as well as with James and Carmen. What they were saying did help reveal their characters, but it didn't really seem to have any kind of other importance, other than the mention of the trials and that Aunt Sharon doesn't like the Council, and so I found myself losing interest rather fast.
The reason I felt like those parts were too long has a lot to do with the fact that we're two chapters in (I did skim the previous chapter), and I don't really have an idea of what the overall story is going to be yet. I don't feel like there's an overarching conflict of any type, either interpersonal or some sort of external conflict. I can't tell what genre this is in, other than vampire - is it a vampire romance, mystery, epic, what?
Again, your strengths are in your characters - they are distinct and interesting, and you describe them well and their personality is reflected in their dialogue. Right now, I'm just not seeing much in the way of a plot. You could definitely get away with spreading out the introductions of all of these characters in favor of having important plot events happen.
And that's a little shorter than I normally review, but I'm out of time, so I think I'll leave it at that! Let me know if you have any questions, and keep writing!
Hi again! Sorry it's been awhile since my last review- I've been pretty busy. Thanks for returning the favor, by the way! So, let's get into the review... I really don't have a lot of suggestions, only praises
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First off, I absolutely adore your character development. You have very real, relatable characters who mostly stay away from cliche character types- or, if you go with a common character type, you make it your own. I also love your dialogue- it's very light and flows well.
The only thing I could tell you to work on in this chapter is a few grammar mistakes/typos I caught- no big deal. Other than that, it was a great chapter! I liked the new characters that were introduced and am exited to see what happens next!
This review was pretty short- oops. Keep me updated!
-ChristenedPages <3