You sat beside me
Your warm breath on my cheek
I just sat there,
Couldn't speak.
I mean, how could I?
I'd just be a fool.
You would think me silly,
Like you did at school.
We were such different people then,
You were wild, I was shy.
All I wanted was to talk to you.
But I couldn't look into your eyes.
I fell into the deep depths of them,
Toppled over the edge.
I spluttered and I stuttered.
And from then on I pledged.
I pledged to never talk to you.
Never look into your eyes.
Just to walk right past,
Without a simple "hi"
Then I would be safe.
Safe from a judging world.
Instead of being safe though,
I became the quiet girl.
I would have been much better off,
Just facing my fears.
But I just can't do it.
Thinking of that moment brings the tears.
So as we sit there together,
You still are wild, I still am shy.
I risk a glance, a small, small glance.
Right into your eyes.
You greet me with a smile,
Yet I haven't got a clue,
That later on, I will find,
How much I meant to you.
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Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Omg, you have basically written my life XD This is amazing and no joke, I've written a short story about my high school/college experience that so similar to this it's frickin' scary!
I truly felt the emotion of this bone deep. I'm gobsmacked.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for writing this! It makes me feel not so alone anymore. I don't know if you are writing from experience or this is all just made up but the realism is amazing.
I'm not great at poetry so I can't really give you much pointers in that area but for me, the pacing and rhyming made it flow really well.
I simply love this. It's definitely one of my favourites on here.
Well done ^_^
Haha. Well, I'm thankful that you enjoyed it. This is slightly from experience, although my crush is the shy one, and I'm wild! Although the rest is true. I'm very glad that you like it, and the compliment about it being one of your favorites is huge, because there are so many amazing writers out there!
Very nice work. I like the rhyming scheme, and the rhythm of the poem. The line "I risk a glance, a small, small glance." felt a little off to my in the rhythm, although that might just have been the way I was reading it. Also, I noticed that the first two lines didn't end in punctuation, even though all of the others did. The story though is very nice, about young love, and and the shyness that often accompanies it.
Thank you Eric! Yes, I realize that that line was wrong, so thanks for helping me out there. I never noticed that I forgot the punctuation in the first two lines as well, so thank you for that as well!
Hi!!!
I just have to say this is absolutely beautiful, and I'm in love with this love story. Literally, the only thing I saw wrong was this line: you would think me silly, should be you think I am silly. I can't wait to read more of your work!!
Xoxo
Rascalover
Thank you! I appreciate the criticism, and I now realize that that line is wrong, so thank you!