An Angel's Lullaby

This is gorgeous! Once again, I'm impressed with your skill. This one makes me wish it had a tune as beautiful as the words so I could learn it and sing it when I have children! It's a lovely little lullaby. I'm glad you mention heaven and the Lord. I think there is nothing more comforting than knowing He is watching over us up above. It really made this more rich than it would have been otherwise. Thank you so much for sharing it with us!

Hello there Ariana! Dogs here with your review as requested . Well well well! I'd say this my be my favorite of your poems that I've read yet! You have some great lines here and you really do a great job with making your writing feel smooth and sound mellifluous, which has been a slight issue in past poems. I only have a few minor nit picky things to throw at you. Lets dive in now shall we?

"I hear the sound of heaven's choir sing to me a sweet lullaby,"

Now this is a great line, but it would serve you better if you break it into two different lines. So create a new line after "choir" and put a period after "lullaby." Excellent starting for this piece.

"and reminds me I'm forever cherished; never forgotten "

I'm just going to focus on how to shorten up your lines so they're all generally the same length. I would suggest make a new line after "cherished," Having two words on the last line of the stanza, especially in this style of poem, can be really effective.

Second stanza is perfect, I love that.

"chase them away,"

Now you've already used "away" twice in the last stanza. Pick a new word here.

"Let goodness"

I think you can pick a stronger word other than "goodness." Perhaps: "integrity or morality." Whatever works.

I think you would do better combining the last four lines into one stanza. It looks a little odd other wise.

All and all a wonderful poem, I loved this one and all my notes were really just nit picks. Great job in your writing my friend. Let me know if you ever need a review. Keep up the good work!

TuckEr EllsworTh

Thanks for the reviews... They were very much appreciated.

Thanks for the reviews... They were very much appreciated.

Thank you all for the thoughtful comments and advice. I will see about editing it later.

Alright, I'm here for your review!
Okay, so before anything this was sweet. I like it, you have a nice trick for writing.
The first line is important, it draws the reader in and helps them decided right from the beginning whether a poem is good or not. Other people may feel differently, but for me the first line is the most important. Your first line could use some work. I liked this piece, but after reading the first line I almost didn't review it. I think if you broke that line into two sections, with a break after choir, then your first line would be great. "I hear the sound of heaven's choir" This draws me in, it relates to the title, and all the sounds mix together to the point where they even sound angelic.
The next part of that line could sound better. I would suggest maybe change it to "singing a sweet lullaby" the way you have it sounds a bit awkward and it's harder to read and say.
Don't worry, I won't review line by line.
There are a few other places where the flow is broken. If you read this outloud it should help you figure out where those places are and how to fix them.
I love the stanza about chasing troubles away, and the line about joy coming in the morning. Beautiful, and so true.
Overall, you have a very nice piece of writing here, I encourage you to keep writing, and you'll be able to improve even more.
Cailey

It is very nice. I don't see much changes that can be done to it, however I am a new user. I think, given some time and development, you'll have a real talent. There's a big difference between a talent and a skill. You, are a talent. School students doing it from force, are learning the skill.
I can easily understand that this poem is about God/The Lord, right from the beginning. It is one of those poems that you'll remember. It's not too long, which is an up-side when writing poetry. If the poem is long, it may not stick. Yours is a very good length.

I wish you luck with your poetry.

Your words come straight from your heart.... hence your language is so pellucid.

We always have to travel down the path, however rugged the trails, and stormy the weather, the odyssey has no end.... but that doesn't mean that we can't take a look back every once in a while, only if in our dreams.

Wonderful versification!

-Anwesha

Good afternoon,

Interesting to read your author's note that you've taken advice of your work to heart. I think that's good in some respects, as it shows us you care deeply about your work. Remember you can always pick and choose criticism you take on board and that, one's opinion though it may be useful, will always differ from your own. This is your work and should be treated as such; we merely comment in the hope that you may find some use for it as to better your own skill. So, in a sense before I go on to a review, no hard feelings and always keep writing.

The review

This poem, I see, is inspired by one of the hymns in which "Sleep in heavenly peace" is sung; intriguing then to see where you go with such a well-known line. The idea you take it as a prospect of peace and thus of 'no worries' is admirable, although probably unrealistic. Although the attitude evoked here is very much one I adopt myself and your optimism thus inspires my respect.

Structurally I have little issue with the poem. It is very well devised and neat, there is only a slight slip with your punctuation when you first quote "Sleep in heavenly peace" where I'd be inclined to change the full-stop with a colon (as you go on to take from said line), and again before you begin the speech I'd follow "windows" with a comma also. The last piece of dialogue:

“Have no worries for

The Lord is with you today”