16+ Language Violence

The Temple of Irom Intro and Chapter 1

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and violence.

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WARNING

Has anything weird ever happened to you? Anything you can't explain? Something that in the heat of the moment, just…happened? Well, maybe you were at the wrong place at the wrong time. After all, these kinds of things can be purely coincidental. But if this has happened more than once, and you discover you have some control over it, then there may be something more going on. If you can figure out the difference, and you know what you are, run. Now. Before it's too late. Otherwise what happened to me could happen to you too. What happened to me, you ask? No? You aren't asking that? You're asking why I'm taking so long and saying that I should just start the fucking story already? Well screw you. All of your questions and more will be answered later. Although, you may end up with more questions than when you started. Or not. I can't predict the future, that's Cryos's power. You’ll find out about him soon enough. Once again this is a warning. Take everything in this book seriously, from now until the end. Ready or not, here it comes. So shut up and enjoy the ride.






Chapter 1

I woke up on a plane, I couldn't remember where it was going. I couldn't remember where it took off from. I couldn't remember anything, really. I looked around, and I saw that there were seven other people in the plane with me. There was a pretty girl sitting next to me, her shirt was blue and had a wave pattern, and she was wearing blue jeans. Her skin was kind of darker, and she smelled like an ocean breeze. Not that I was putting my nose on her and smelling her. I could smell it from where I was. She and the other six were all asleep still, so I waited for them to wake up. The girl woke up a few minutes later.

"Hi there," I said.

"Hello," she replied, she was greeting me in Macedonian. Wait I know Macedonian? Hm. I guess I must've picked it up at some point. She had dark brown eyes, and I could feel a sense of confidence from her voice. She also had an accent, yet I still understood her.

"Do you speak English?" I asked her in Macedonian.

"Yes, but not as well. I would prefer to speak Macedonian though. Who are you?" she asked.

"Umm… I don't really know at the moment. Do you remember anything?" I asked.

"No," she replied, "Where the hell are we going?"

"Your guess is as good as mine. Hey, what's that on your wrist?" I asked as I grabbed her wrist to examine what she was wearing. She grabbed my neck violently in return. My eyes shot nearly out of my skull as I felt my larynx being crushed before me.

"Touch me again, and I won't be as kind as I’m being now," she explained threateningly. I let her wrist go, and she released my neck from her terrifying grasp. God, overreacting much? "Besides, you have one too. Why don't you just look at yours?" she said angrily. I checked my wrist, and hey! What do you know, a gold wristband. I looked at it, and an eight was engraved in it.

"Any idea what the number means?” I questioned.

No response, I looked over to find the nice smelling girl from God-knows-where passed out, yet again. Damn, she must have been tired.

They didn't wake up until we landed, so I didn't get a chance to talk to the rest of them. Those lazy bastards. How could they be asleep with all these unanswered questions!?

We landed on an island that had an enormous grey warehouse that stretched from the outside of the island to a temple in the middle of the island almost as though it was a tunnel of sorts.

Moving forward we were all quite puzzled, the island was so beautiful, had we won an all expense paid trip to a tropical resort? No, in fact what we hadn’t realized at that moment was that what looked like paradise was far worse than anything we could have dreamed of.

We were greeted by a man's deep sounding voice over an intercom, "Hello contestants! And welcome to the Temple of Irom!"

Great. I must've signed up for one of those shitty game shows where nobody even wins, in the end it’s just all about life lessons. Still I wonder, what could the prize be? Wait, did I say I wonder? I meant I don't give two shits. It's not like I'm going to win the competition anyway. Why would I care about what other people are going to win?

"Please step through the doors in front of you, and remember; play the game like your life is at stake."

Yeah, like I care that much about winning that I would die for it.

A set of heavy stone doors in front of us automatically opened and I walked through them with everyone else. And as soon as the last person stepped through, the doors sealed themselves shut. I tried ramming against them, but no luck, we were stuck. Hey that rhymed! No luck, we were stuck, no luck, we were stuck. Sorry, back to the story.

The voice on the intercom said, "Please stand in the circle designated by the number indicated by your wristband." I stepped into the circle marked with an eight, which was of course, in the middle of the set. Must be a low budget game show, hiring idiots who can't count from one to eight.

Everyone else stepped into their circles, and the voice came back on, "For your first challenge, you must reach the circle on the opposite side of the room in thirty minutes. Those that do not make it will be punished, and those that do will move on to the next stage. You may begin. Good luck, and remember: Play the game like your life is at stake." Once again, not interested.

A giant digital clock on the opposite side of the room started counting down from thirty. I had no idea why he gave us thirty minutes, the room was only about forty meters long.

"Ha! Piece of cake," I heard the person on circle number two say, "See you on the other side, losers!" It was a guy, just about the same height as me. He started sprinting to the other side. Two other people, a boy and a girl, numbers four and one, started running right behind him, but the rest of us waited.

"This is too easy," the girl from earlier said, she was in the circle next to mine, number seven. She had waited as well, "There has to be a catch." Right as she said that, the floor in the middle of the room started descending, taking the three people down with it. Then the crevice began filling with water, and- holy shit! Piranhas! Oh my god! You could not have wanted to see it. It’s bad enough just remembering the whole thing, the horrible sights, bones breaking out of their skin, pieces of flesh after flesh ripped from their owner, just… bleh.

Vomiting on the inside, I managed to get out four words. "Well-there's your catch."

"Yeah, I can see that," the girl spoke without hesitation.

"Well don't make a comment if you don't want a reply," I said. She face palmed. "Exactly. Now how are we going to get to the other side?" I asked in English.

"Well obviously we have to swim." Number Six said.

"Hello? Do you not see the man-eating piranhas in the water?" I asked.

"No I didn't notice the-OF COURSE I NOTICED THEM!" he yelled. "Do you see any other way?"

"Well, if we use one of the others as a distraction then-” Number Three, a girl, said.

No! We are not using someone as bait! Are you out of your goddamn mind!?” Number Seven blurted.

I have no idea what the hell you're trying to say,” Number Six said, “Now who wants to die a hero’s death?”

She said we aren’t going to sacrifice anyone just so you can get across and leave us all to die. I agree completely,” I said.

You know what? I’m just going to go for it. See you on the other side, Number Eight,” she said as she ran to the edge and dived into the piranha-infested waters.

No Number Seven! Don’t do it! It’s too dangerous! Just come back here so you can stand around and look pretty!“ I yelled.

She started swimming faster after I said that, almost like she wasn’t trying to get past the piranhas, she just wanted to get away from me. When she got to where the piranhas were, they paid no attention to her. They completely ignored her and kept swimming around looking for different prey. She made it to the other side in less than thirty seconds. Jeez, a girl hadn’t tried to get away from me that fast since… actually I don’t know. Memory loss, remember? Wow. Wasn’t that just an ironic statement.

They must be full! Perfect!" Three said. She jumped in the water and started swimming, but she hadn’t even made it halfway before the piranhas began devouring her.

"Not so much a hero's death, but it’ll do," Six said. He jumped into the water and swam to the other side, the girl on the number five circle followed his lead.

"I should've gone with them shouldn't I…" I said. "Well shit."

"You can do it Number Eight! I believe in you!" Number Seven yelled.

"I must be insane,” I muttered to myself, “How likely is it that I’m going to be eaten?!?" I yelled to Number Seven.

It doesn’t matter! There’s only five minutes left! You can either try and face the possibility that you are probably going to be eaten by piranhas, or you can stay over there and die like a bitch!” Number Seven yelled.

I ain’t no bitch! Geronimo!” I shouted as I jumped into the water. I began swimming as fast as I could, and the piranhas started gaining on me when I was three-quarters of the way there.

Come on! You can do it! ” Number Seven shouted.

She was wrong though. The piranhas caught up to me and began swarming me, eating me down to the bones. Blood was everywhere, and Number Seven screamed at the top of her lungs. I died. The end

Comments & reviews · 2
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User avatar
Deifyance
Review

Nice!

At first I was put off by the rushed pace, the complete lack of detail, and the seemingly overzealous/half-baked main character. I wondered where all the detail was! Was the plane nice? Did the island have any sort of landmarks or anything? Not to mention the skipping of meeting the people on the island, the lack of mentioning important story points like if there was a film crew or people watching.

Then it ended, and I was happy.

I thought this was perfectly played if you were going for just a fast rush of a story. It's a lot like the tea-cup rides you ride at amusement parks. They take off quick, and go the same speed until the end shortly after. No real dips or dives or turns or anything.

Simply brilliant.

If you were planning on expanding the story, then please add detail, add character description and personalities. This would be a good summary of a story that would have lasted several chapters at least.

User avatar
Robusto
Review
Robusto wrote a review · Mon Mar 03, 2014 2:21 am

Since this is only chapter 1, I'm going to assume that the story will either continue from another characters POV, or the main character isn't dead. The casual but serious writing style easily draws people in, and it's a bit of a mix between The Hunger Games, and one of those escape reality shows. And the twist at the definitely wasn't predictable. My only suggestion is to develop the character's personalities better. So far they all seem to be cocky and arrogant people. Good job and keep up the good work.



Follow your inner moonlight; don't hide the madness
— Allen Ginsburg