When I am on an airplane I feel at peace. Sky high, nothing can get to me, I just look out the window and see nothing but the dark blue of the ocean for miles. Straight in front of me is a small screen, playing a movie that I have never seen. That is one great part of flying, I get to catch up on my movies. To my left are my grandparents, the people who took me on this trip, as a gift for my Bar Mitzvah. My grandma, or Safta, is fast asleep, laying all the way back in her chair, not caring if the people behind her have leg room. My grandfather, or Saba, is reading something on his old beat up kindle.
My seat is large and is made of a dark blue leather. There is a table and two cup holders. I have never had so much leg room on a plane before. I looked across the plane and saw three elderly women complaining about the food that was being served. The back of the plane was loud, with kids screaming and crying, and adults arguing. Lucky for me the doors that separated the front and the back blocked out all of the noise, and I was able to relax.
“Would you like a hot towel?” the flight attendant asked shattering the silence that had taken over the front of the plane. I was ecstatic, I thought they only did this in movies.
“Yes please,” I replied with a wide eyed grin. I took the towel and wiped my hands and face. It felt brand new. The towel was so soft and the warmth was blanketing. When I was finished with it another flight attendant came and collected it. Within the next five minutes the food was being served.
“Would you like the chicken or the pasta?” the flight attendant asked politely.
“Pasta please, and can I have a coke,” I asked knowing I would need it to wash down the below average food.
“Sure,” she responded while taking out the red aluminum can, and a cup of ice.
I started to eat the food. It was bland and tasteless, but it was not as bad as people made it out to be. This was by far the best airplane food I had ever tasted. After I finished everything another flight attendant came to collect my garbage. This flight attendant was the same as the rest. A young women who put on a fake smile everyday. On the outside she looked happy, but an observant person could tell she was troubled. She took my tray with a smile, and thanked me. It almost seemed that she was delighted to take my garbage.
When I was done with my meal I decided to get some rest. I slept for about an hour, but was woken up by a mans voice statically talking through the loudspeaker. “Please fasten your seatbelts, we will be arriving in thirty minutes. We are now beginning our descent.”
I took both ends of my seat belt and put them together. One end slid into the other with a click. As we began descending my ears started to pop. The pressure sent waves of pains through my ears and straight to my head. This is the worst part of flying. I took a piece of gum and started to chew it. This did not help as much as I thought it would.
The plane hit the ground with a small thud. It was still moving at a rapid speed. We started to slow down as I let out a yawn. That is what takes away the pressure that built up in my ear over the course of the decent. Once again the loud voice came over the intercom. “We have now landed, Thank you for flying with us, and may you have a safe trip home.” I usually ignore those little speeches but this time I decided to listen. After all I wanted to soak up all of the joy of flying.
People might think the destination is what’s important. That this was a small, unimportant part of an outstanding trip. For me this was one of the best parts. I got to spend time with two people that I care about, without any distractions. It almost didn’t matter where I was going. It is times like these that remind me of the wise words of Ernest Hemingway, “It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end.”
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125,013 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
Hi there new writer, first of all welcome to YWS! So let's review your work without wasting any time.
I like two things about this work.
1. It is very very relatable:
Almost everyone can 'feel' your experiences. It has a very personal touch and universal appeal in it.
2. Personal expression:
I love the way we see the world through your eyes. There is not even an effort to make it a neutral view and I mean this in a very good way. We see the fake smile of the air hostess through your eyes. Some may call it genuine but for you it may be fake and expressing that in a positive way is very important. You have expressed fakeness in a very optimistic feel-good way, without any snark or criticism. This makes your work very special. Very few authors can do that so well.
Critique:
You are struck in the same "Show V/s Tell" issue. If you're unaware of this, I'll give you a quick example.
You tell the reader that the food was tasteless and bland. To be honest, it has no impact on me as a reader. By "telling" me that the food was tasteless I can't feel the scene. Even if you want to keep it as a personal viewpoint, you have to "show" me that the food was tasteless.
Imagine a line like this. I looked at the food. The deliciously packed rice was as tasteless as water.
Something on this lines you see. You can add some humor, or some more emotions in this passage. I like the personal touch but beyond a point it is hard to follow because of the repetitiveness. You need to use some more emotions. For a first timer though this is a very good work.
Keep writing! Overall a great Job!
First off, wonderful job, apuri615! I agree, the journey can be even greater than the destination! A few critiques:
"That is one great part of flying, I get to catch up on my movies." (Paragraph 1) I would replace "that" with something clearer or rewriting the sentence to say "I get to catch up on my movies while flying, which is great."
"I slept for about an hour, but was woken up by a mans voice statically talking through the loudspeaker. “Please fasten your seatbelts, we will be arriving in thirty minutes. We are now beginning our descent.”
I took both ends of my seat belt and put them together. One end slid into the other with a click. As we began descending my ears started to pop. The pressure sent waves of pains through my ears and straight to my head. This is the worst part of flying." (Paragraphs 9 & 10) I would put "This is the worst part of flying" right after the pilot finished his speech. "'We are now beginning our descent.' Oh no, I thought, this was the worst part of flying." I thought that flowed a little better and added suspense to the story.
The final paragraph had just a little too much "this" and "that", and it made the finale slightly confusing, which should be the strongest part. Try writing it without using any "this" or "that" and then, on your second revision, put in one or two to keep the flow going. Since your conclusion isn't very long, it shouldn't need that many "this-thats" but other than that (lol sorry) your story was phenomenal. Very good imagery and plot flow. Keep up the great work!