Published December 23, 2007
Dedicated to Tef =P
if you ask me now where my heart is
i wouldn't know what to say
i think it grew wings on both sides
and then flew away
i should have chained it down
and held on a little tighter
now i have no heart
and my body's a little lighter
i think i just might float
lifeless and alone
to nowhere, from nowhere
where ever the wind has blown
my heart had kept me steady
and helped me feel alive
now it's g o n e and i have nothing
and i doubt i can survive
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141,379 Literary Works • 674,383 Reviews
I'd definitely capitalize the i's but otherwise I think it's pretty good. You have a nice sense of rhythm and your rhymes are quite natural, not forced. Your images are a little cliche, but then on this topic it's hard not to be. Overall a good poem, but it would benefit from a little originality
Try stretching a little next time.
Cheers,
~bubbles
I liked this. I'd add capital letters and add punctuation. I like the idea of the heart having wings and the rhyming scheme worked well.