Young Writers Society

This is SO generic. What you have done here is present the reader with ideas, but you don't support the ideas with anything. You leave us hanging at the end with a question that doesn't even have any context to back it up. We know the speaker is not getting the love they desire from their beloved, but who are these people? Why should we care about them.

Also, I am not so sure if I like the repetition of the phrase, "I love you", because without context it has no substance. I'd rather have something that described love than something that just put the love to nakedly out there like you have. What this poem needs is clothes.

I'm not sure I like this. :/ Then again, I'm a bit picky with poetry, so fear not my single opinion. [Also, I really liked your other poem. I'm just fickle! xD]

The thing is, I just feel like this is one of those poems to be read at a weird coffee shop poetry reading. And then people will snap because it's about love and because they don't really "get" poetry. I don't particularly enjoy this "rhythm" very much, especially on such a generic topic as love. Now, I'm not about to regard the CONCEPT of love as generic. See, that's when you get into Browning or stuff like that. But those poets have something to SAY about love. This poem just says "I loved you, but you're mean. So Imma go write a poem about it."

To compare this poem to, say, a Shakespearean sonnet might be directly proportional to taking Taylor Swift lyrics and comparing them to "Sprawl II" by Arcade Fire. It doesn't make your poem BAD. But it's leaving something to be desired. I think you're a good enough poet to explore more. And I'm very interested in seeing you do so.

Simple and flawless.
Had my eyes doing the creepy side-to-side thing, but it was very pretty.
More than that actually, it was gorgeous. 0///0

"The games you’d always play"

Love is a game in my eyes. You have players. Your calculating- without meaning to be.
You cheat in order to win. There's hope, loyalty and jealousy. It's a game you hate to lose- so that quote caught me.

I adore how you ended it with

"Why?"

A simple question leaving me crazy with all these answers that won't be~ it's as if the poem hasn't finished yet because its missing an answer.
Like a broken heart misses the other half X3

So uh... does this count as a review if I have nothing bad to say?
density//

Hi there, aouther2b.

I am GeeLyria, and I'm here to review for you.

So I like the simplicity of your poem, mostly because the wording was decent and the rhyming pattern was enjoyble. I also like that it was beautifully organized; I'm all for organizing!... when it comes to poetry. XD Although, someone will probably complain about all the I love you's. However, I don't suggest you to change that because I think it's necessary; it actually makes us remember the reason why the poem was written, the point of the poem!

Of course, there are some things I want to critique. And that is how abrupt the ending was; it all happened so fast, it kind of let me waiting for more. That is not something I'd recommend, for the beginning of a poem should be like a "Welcome" carpet and the ending should be like a ribbon for the gift. If you work on that last line a bit more, I'm sure the readers will appreciate. :]

Another thing I want to talk about is the title. If you look at it, it is not very attractive because it is not original. It would be a shame if a reader just skips this wonderful piece because they think it will be as boring at the title. D; We definitely don't want that! So I'm sure you can come up with something better.

There is my grain of sand. Hopefully, I've expressed myself correctly. However, if you have any questions, feel free to contact me. :]

~GeeLyria

My general impressions: I enjoyed this poem immensely. It was simple. It was to the point. It was truth. Truth and beautiful often come hand and hand, so you have written a beautiful poem.

Although I loved this poem, I have a few suggestions. However, a poem is the creation of a poet and therefore can be, essentially, anything they want it to be. Therefore, there is no right or wrong in poetry. There is only beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so people will always disagree on poetry.

The line, "The lies perceived as truth," does not seem to fit well into this poem. It just seemed overly wordy compared to the other lines in this poem. The rest, however, flowed naturally to me. This was very nice poem. Keep me posted. Happy Writing!