z

Young Writers Society


12+

The Secrets of my Heart

by anu


ABOUT POETRY

Poems are a way to tell

The darkest secrets of our hearts

But not everyone can do that

It is but an amazing art.

When our mouth fails

Our words speak

And give others of our heart

A highly encouraged peek.

Broken Trust

They blamed me for a fault of hers

In which I had a negligible part

They make me bear the injustices

A thing which takes my heart apart.

   I was their friend from ages now

   But they don’t have any regard

   They are blind to others’ faults and on their will

   From seeing my merits, they are barred.

      It hurts my heart to think that

      There is no one standing behind

      No one is there to support me

      Oh God!Is really no one kind?

         They met her just in recent past , still

         Above everyone ,she is favoured

         She plays with them like best friends

         And every moment she has savored.

            All I’ll say is I am a bit envious

            Of all the privileges she has got

            They are dropping diamonds, picking gold

            But that I’ll tell them not!!

                                                                        -Anu

Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments


User avatar
616 Reviews

Points: 122617
Reviews: 616

Donate
Wed Jun 12, 2019 2:59 pm
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hello FlamingPhoenix here with a few things to say about your poem.

Let's start.

This was an amazing poem, I really loved reading this, The emotions behind your words were strong, and they came across to me making me feel the same as you did when you wrote this. I also love the choice of words, they are so strong and they came across to me really well, I couldn't have picked any better once.
I also love the story you are telling us, I really like poems like that. It's makes them so much more meaningful, and easier to relate to. In may case anyway.

Over all this was an amazing poem, and you should write more soon. I will be happy to read more. I'm glad I had a chance to read and share my opinion on your work. I hope you will post again soon. Have a great day or night.

Your friend
FlamingPhoenix
Reviewing with a fiery passion.




anu says...


Thanks FlamingPhoenix for your fiery response.Let me know if you are a potterhead, a doubt which arises from your name





Your welcome.
And no I'm not a potterhead! XD



User avatar
109 Reviews

Points: 0
Reviews: 109

Donate
Wed Jun 12, 2019 12:44 pm
silvermoon17 wrote a review...



Oof I love this! I like the way you presented poems at the beginning. Even though I thought the beginning opening was quite slowly, Broken Thrust; on the other hand, (they blamed me for a fault of yours,) I love that! A slow opening=a bored auditor. So.. I liked this poem.. because of..
The rhymes. SOme of them were rather memorable..
The pacing. The sentences sound pretty good together
The style. Well.. the police and all..
The message behind. Is there one?
Etc..
I like how you respect the rules of poetry, but you should add more description. Extended metaphors (for example, all throughout the poem; a storm is compared to a dog) or just something you compare with to your feeling/ whatever else. You can start about seas and end with pain, start with fire and end with ghosts. I’ve seen that.. and it’s great.. and that’s what your poem lack- description and comparison.




anu says...


Thanks a ton for reviewing so soon. Will be adding description and comparison in the next one i write. Sorry if it reduced the fun, but i hope the feelings were expressed clearly.



silvermoon17 says...


Oh that you did %uD83D%uDE0F




When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.
— Eric Hoffer