Young Writers Society

Hiiii Ani! I really liked the poem. The values and feelings you have expressed through this, are amazing. It is beautifully put together and I loved the way it went on.
There are a few itty-bitty nitpick mistakes, but I am ignoring them. Don't worry the English language is weird, I know.
"All those emotions I wished would die
Are making the assertion 'I am good' a lie"
This line was most impactful and packed with emotion.
It's lovely. Keep on the good work!

Hey! I liked this poem. I loved how you went about the, 'when something good happens in life, something bad will always happen,' vibe! I actually really enjoyed it and loved the end line, 'The warning bells are ringing!' I did find myself skipping through some of the poem as time went on so just remember that when writing your next piece. I loved it and well done and all the best!

Hello, FlamingPhoenix here with a short review for you on this lovely day, and to also help get your work out the green room.

Okay let's get started.

So out of the whole poem I only saw two things that I would like to point out.
So to help read your poem, maybe think about putting it into part, like paragraphs, doing this always helps the reader. If you did want to see that an you had trouble with keeping it in paragraph trust me I know.
Then all you have to do is write down what you want to say then you go enter then ... then enter again and keep writing that easy.

The other mistake is very small and can be fixed in a few seconds.

Thinking of the merry days I had had

Hey! I’m here to review my 1st review c:

I loved the repetition lines of “the warning bells are ringing,” it really sold the poem to me. I also liked the questions asked towards the end of the poem.

My favorite lines were:

“All those emotions I wished would die,
Are making the assertion ‘I am good’ a lie.”

One critique I’m going to add is the lack of commas used in this poem. Maybe it was a stylistic choice, if so I totally understand, but it would flow better if you added commas.
I’ll give you an example to show what I mean:

For the two lines “dumb despair spreads o’er” and “bringing my morale lower”
It should instead be:

“Dumb despair spreads o’er,
“Bringing my morale lower.”

Hopefully you understood what I meant, I’m not the best at explaining stuff.

I also feel like some of the rhymes were quite forced. Which I get, because it’s hard to rhyme a poem and find good rhymes while saying what you want to say all at once.

I wish there were more metaphors in this poem. I feel like you could truly transform this poem if you added some metaphors and more imagery for the reader. Of course, I’m not saying you have to! I’m just saying it feels like I’m reading a bunch of feelings, but I’m not FEELING the feelings. Ya know? Like I want that sadness and doubt imbedded into me as I read this.

Though I do really like the unique-ish rhyme scheme you had going on! After every four lines you would rhyme with “ringing.” That was actually pretty cool :2

Anyways I enjoyed your poem and with a little editing I feel like you’d have something truly awesome!!
Always keep writing <3

- Daria