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Young Writers Society


Good and Evil

by anu

My conscience is guilty, tears run down

Why do I live? I wish I’d drown!

I’m turning my own life hell

And can clearly hear the warning bell

Which my mind keeps ringing.

The good and the evil live together

In between, my wild mind needs a tether

‘Cause I’m unable to decide which to choose

The evil overpowers, the good I lose.

The heart is, a sad song singing!

Short temper, comparing, hopelessness

Guilt, mischievousness- I am a mess!

All those emotions I wished would die

Are making the assertion ‘I am good!’ a lie

What a hard lesson this life is bringing!

When finally I conquer over the bad

Its under my care- a good lad!

But then it breaks away free

Only I know the miserable state of me

Why is the evil- to me- clinging?

With good comes happiness

The evil makes it less

So here I lay- all bad !

Thinking of the merry days I had had

Why isn’t the happiness –with me- mingling?

Dumb despair spreads o’er

Bringing my morale lower

Oh! I am nuts! I am insane!

But am I to be never happy again?

Am I to be left deserted?

With mud on my reputation spurted?

Am I to be depressed all along?

And in that state spend the hopeless days- so long!

My heart is singing a sad song!

The warning bells are ringing!

Is this a review?



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23 Reviews

Points: 0
Reviews: 23

Thu Aug 01, 2019 9:29 am
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Bhaavya Singh wrote a review...

Hiiii Ani! I really liked the poem. The values and feelings you have expressed through this, are amazing. It is beautifully put together and I loved the way it went on.
There are a few itty-bitty nitpick mistakes, but I am ignoring them. Don't worry the English language is weird, I know.
"All those emotions I wished would die
Are making the assertion 'I am good' a lie"
This line was most impactful and packed with emotion.
It's lovely. Keep on the good work!

anu says...

Thanks Bhaavya

Bhaavya Singh says...

It's my pleasure!

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13 Reviews

Points: 966
Reviews: 13

Wed Jul 31, 2019 9:53 am
riancarthy wrote a review...

Hey! I liked this poem. I loved how you went about the, 'when something good happens in life, something bad will always happen,' vibe! I actually really enjoyed it and loved the end line, 'The warning bells are ringing!' I did find myself skipping through some of the poem as time went on so just remember that when writing your next piece. I loved it and well done and all the best!

anu says...

Ok... thanks

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616 Reviews

Points: 122617
Reviews: 616

Sun Jul 28, 2019 3:08 pm
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...

Hello, FlamingPhoenix here with a short review for you on this lovely day, and to also help get your work out the green room.

Okay let's get started.

So out of the whole poem I only saw two things that I would like to point out.
So to help read your poem, maybe think about putting it into part, like paragraphs, doing this always helps the reader. If you did want to see that an you had trouble with keeping it in paragraph trust me I know.
Then all you have to do is write down what you want to say then you go enter then ... then enter again and keep writing that easy.

The other mistake is very small and can be fixed in a few seconds.

Thinking of the merry days I had had

You see the two words in bold, well there is nothing wrong with them, but you should put a comma between them so it doesn't sound like you have typed in the same word by mistake.

Well that's all I could see out of this poem, I think you did an amazing job, and I'm sure the other people to read this poem would have felt the same why, I know i have a few times in my life, know matter how happy you are, something bad always seems to get you down. And I've just come to except it's away of life, there is know way of getting around it sadly.
I also really liked the flow of this poem, it didn't feel rushed of too slow, it was just perfect. I also love the emotion in the words, that just topped it all for me, to me a poem with deep emotions are the best kind, and you did an amazing job.

Well that's all from me for now. I do hope I will get to be yet again lucky to read and review another one of your works soon, because I really, really enjoyed this. So don't ever stop writing and post soon, have a great day or night.

your friend
Reviewing with a fiery passion!


anu says...

Thanks for reviewing

FlamingPhoenix says...

Your welcome!

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26 Reviews

Points: 56
Reviews: 26

Sat Jul 27, 2019 2:46 pm
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DariaTheGirlWhoLovesPizza wrote a review...

Hey! I’m here to review my 1st review c:

I loved the repetition lines of “the warning bells are ringing,” it really sold the poem to me. I also liked the questions asked towards the end of the poem.

My favorite lines were:

“All those emotions I wished would die,
Are making the assertion ‘I am good’ a lie.”

One critique I’m going to add is the lack of commas used in this poem. Maybe it was a stylistic choice, if so I totally understand, but it would flow better if you added commas.
I’ll give you an example to show what I mean:

For the two lines “dumb despair spreads o’er” and “bringing my morale lower”
It should instead be:

“Dumb despair spreads o’er,
“Bringing my morale lower.”

Hopefully you understood what I meant, I’m not the best at explaining stuff.

I also feel like some of the rhymes were quite forced. Which I get, because it’s hard to rhyme a poem and find good rhymes while saying what you want to say all at once.

I wish there were more metaphors in this poem. I feel like you could truly transform this poem if you added some metaphors and more imagery for the reader. Of course, I’m not saying you have to! I’m just saying it feels like I’m reading a bunch of feelings, but I’m not FEELING the feelings. Ya know? Like I want that sadness and doubt imbedded into me as I read this.

Though I do really like the unique-ish rhyme scheme you had going on! After every four lines you would rhyme with “ringing.” That was actually pretty cool :2

Anyways I enjoyed your poem and with a little editing I feel like you’d have something truly awesome!!
Always keep writing <3

- Daria

anu says...

Thank you for reviewing:) I'll see to the faults.

— herbalhour