Published February 2, 2006
Assemblages.
Pieces of past lives
Balanced on the windowsill.
It's cold outside.
In a crystal ball
On a copper stand
A picture of the world
Inverted.
The lonely man
Puts out his hand
Trying to fall through it.
A tongue poked out
To catch the snow flakes
Finds only bitter tears.
Coffee dregs and day-old doughnuts;
He longs to taste the Moon.
A packet of letters
Pressed to his lips
Tasting of
Perfume.
For ghosts of lipstick kisses,
Skeletons make room.
Frail fragile
Collections,
Tenuous connections.
A motley crew of ends and odds
Barely kept together,
Almost holding on.
It's cold outside.[pre][/pre]
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139,534 Literary Works • 672,600 Reviews
This is a very pretty poem that makes me realize how cold it really is now... *watches snow falling* Now I know why Jennafina kept on recommending you to me, lol.
AWESOME.
I love how each stanza is like a random snapshot; seperate images with a very slight, subtle connection. Great imagery and wording. You tied it all together really well by repeating the last line of the first stanza at the end. This is a very vivid and memorable poem. Sorry about gushing, but I dont have any nitpicks.I'm sure someone will come along and give you some constructive critisism. I'm surprosed more people havent commented...
Thank you! I know snowflakes is usually one word, but I felt it fit better as two. Thanks for pointing it out though.
Good job! Its a interesting poem.I think there are no errors,other than the 'snowflakes'which is one word(I guess SnipSnip has already mentioned it)
Ohmygod, I can completely imagine you reading this out loud. It's really... good.
Now that was an interesting line. I like how you used it twice, at the end of the first line and at the very end. The italics made it cooler. Plus, how you put it at the end of the first verse instead of the beginning of the first line, like most people do.Snowflakes is one word.