I told them I would do it. I told them. They thought I was lying – but I did it. I have done it.
My hair is thrown back behind me in a tangled mess as air rushes through each strand, but I don’t care. I have finally done it.
I don’t even mind the shriek of the wind as it whips past my ears. It drowns out their cries; their expressions of disbelief.
She’s really going through with this.
That’s alright. Everything’s alright now. I don’t have to worry about what they think any more. It’s not going to matter after this.
I open my arms and spread my fingers, feeling the texture of the sky. I probably look like an angel to them.
Is someone going to call for help?
I’m still hurting, though. Each cut sliced deeper and deeper – I’m too exposed to start over. They did this to me; all I wanted was to love them. That’s all. I just wanted to be happy.
But maybe they didn’t want it to end up this way. Maybe they just didn’t want me to do it. I guess I could have done something more…
… No. It’s been too late for too long.
There’s no helping her.
My eyes start to sting but I keep them wide open. I want to see it.
I want to see death. I want to see the pavement crack. I want to see the looks on their faces when they realize what I have done.
I told them.
For Cal's Contest. "Cupola" – Zeromancer (041. tragedy)
2/5
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well this is an intriguing start. We've got someone clearly trying to get away from something from the sound and of course its instantly quite curious to see if this is some form of chase that's happening or if this person is simply running towards some sort of freedom. Either way, we've got ourselves quite a start here that definitely gets your attention quite quickly. I'm very excited to see where this takes us.
Ooooh well this part now proceeds to reveal a lot more then. We've got just a little bit more detail in terms of exactly what's going on, and I like the direction this is headed in here. The way you've managed to capture what seems almost like quiet acceptance of a terrible situation even as this person runs away is quite powerful here. Let's see how this ends.
Hmm well it seems we've now got a bit of guilt of some sort being tossed into the situation. It makes things interesting because that creates an extra dimension to things I didn't think was there this whole time. At any rate it is the sort of ending that leaves you wondering just a little bit about what might have just happened, and I think it is quite powerful as a result. Overall, a pretty intriguing piece here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hi Poppity! June here!
My first thoughts on this was "Huh? The character jumped off a building?"
So, while I think that it's good, in all of it's vagueness and such, I would really, really love to have an event to base this on. For all we care, the character can be some suicidal person who suffered trivial cuts and scrapes and can't just pull herself together to go on.
So! I think that if you can, you should squeeze something concrete in there, just so that we know that she's not a suicidal person for little reason, or that we know that she is... if that makes any sense at all?
There isn't much here to critique at all. It's just one event, possibly a few seconds, and then, just...
So, in all honesty, you did a good job, Anti. Keep it up. I'd love to see more.
June