Bubbly

anti-pop wrote:I loved her till the day she died
When I found out I sat and cried.

Inside my room I stayed alone,
All I did was weep and moan.

And then one day as I went out,
Passing a window I gave a shout.

I had fallen in love all over again-
Happiness abound and sorrow at end.

I skipped all the way home, full of joy, no less,
With my love in hand and my heart at rest.

But when I arrived I was shocked to see,
My love had grown still and was breathing faintly.

All of this excitement had stopped her poor heart,
Causing her body and soul to part.

As for me, I thought I would burst
I cried and I shook, I yelled and I cursed.

So into the paradise and gardens lush,
Entered my love with a haunting flush.

But I just couldn’t bring myself to empty her bowl,
This death had really taken it’s toll.

I’m still a wreck, as you can clearly see,
For all my fish are dear to me.

I love them all and keep them close,
Although some think it’s strange to boast-

They say it’s different, they say it’s odd,
But have they ever kissed a cod?

There are very few who can truly understand
What it’s like to live life as a real fisher-man.

But it’s such a shame that their lives end so fast;
It makes me treasure moments and make memories last.

However, I must be frank and quite honest, dear,
It’s starting to smell like fish in here.

Hey Anti-pop ^^ Shina here xD You know you're my second victim in the purps vs. blues, but colored name people on YWS fail to dissapoint me xD I love your poems. They sound so serious but then it's really about something random and hilarious.

The only thing I noticed about your poem was how the rhyme scheme ate up the beginning of the poem. It kind of reminds me of how new poets write a poem about an idea and only use words that can make something random rhyme. The end of your poem is great, but the beginning just seems too beginner-y for you. Sorry to say that, but I think you need to choose the beginnng words with more care so it can flow like the rest of the poem. Think of your beginning as a speed bump into the freeway! It's this big bump blocking the flow

~Shina

That was quite entertaining to read. You have a very colorful imagination! I like it. The....poem...not your colorful imagination! I liked the rhythem a lot. Really. it was one of the highlights of the reading. The other highlight was that I got a really good laugh out of it. I know that that is sick, becuse your true love-a fish-just died, but still.

*Gold Star*

Peacee

_Writing for love is a passion_

~Lexie~

oooooHHH interesting!!!! very interesting... creepy...a love of death and the dead alike

I mean...I don't know what to say to something like THAT...

that's just an okay thing...keep being unique, don't be afraid throw your madness about...

people will come to appreciate it.

I like your wording...

I've come to understand this very well...nice work

i think this is sweet

it's really...deep and i totally understand it. You're, like, an amazing poet so totally keep writing!!! the ending, i couldn't stop laughing. Not from it being comically funny but from the twist! I really thought it was a human guy, not a fish. What a good way to end a poem. Keep it up keep it up!

Hello there!:D
Wow, this really caught be by surprise! I, like everyone else, thought it was a human at first, however I loved the twist at the end! This poem is different, and for the record I like different.
Well I thoroughly enjoyed reading this poem; it's not perfect, but for the most part it flows well!:D
My only issue is that there was no real punctuation, but that's probably just me being OCD.
Keep up the good work!

-Prospekt

Hey anti-pop!
When I read this, I wasn't sure what to expect. I read the first few stanzas, and I thought this was going to be a really sad poem about the loss of a loved one. I thought it was a human! But it's a fish, which was a nice little surprise, it caught me off my guard! I liked this little twist in the tale, it made this poem even more enjoyable to read.
Great work, and keep on writing!

-Moo

WOW....At first I thought that a human died that you new but it was a fish. Thank you God!!!!!!!!! But after I found out that it was a fish a got some laughs. It was really funny in the end! GREAT JOB

=D
Oh my goodness, you completely caught me off guard there! Man, I was bout to say very heartfelt, but wow. First off, I like the sense of humor, and the unpredictability, if this is usually how you write stick to it man. Ever heard of Stephen Lynch? Your writing kind of compares, however yours is obviously way more appropriate. haha.
Just work on some grammatical issues there, but other than that good job.

Thank you for the review!
Punctuation is not a friend of mine...I can't stand it. I'll try to figure something out.
Also: *facepalm*
I spelled [s]necrophilia[/s] fishophilia incorrectly.
Woops.

Thanks again, Face.


*anti-pop

Well that's......different. It's comical, yet still tragic enough to make me feel sorry for this fishophiliac (is that an okay alternative spelling?). It's also somewhat horrifying. However, I have to say I do find necrophilia much more disturbing.

Aaanyway...*shudder*...I'm not particularly good with structures myself, so I'm afraid that if I give advice on your couplets I'll probably mess everything up. However, I did find that this poem flowed quite well in my head, so I don't think the couplets need changing, personally.

I'm not sure if your punctuation would be considered "good" (I'm terrible with that as well, actually, I just play it safe and add a comma or a full stop at the end of every line), as every couplet ends without any punctuation. That's not something I usually care about when reading a poem, but it felt a bit jumpy in this case, for some reason.

Sorry, that was a terrible review. You clearly have a vivid imagination, so I wish you all the best on whatever other crazy things you come up with.