For all the beauty that life holds,
I see no grace in what we've sold,
For oh-so great prosperity,
We've sacrificed humanity.
We hold things to be great and true,
Because they're rare and found in few,
And soak up lies with fleeting eyes,
Not seeing past the great disguise.
For all the prayers that pass our lips,
I find it odd few are for bliss,
But more often for a face,
Worthy of praise to take our place.
And for the few that make it through,
Ever untarnished and true,
We cast them out as mere misfits,
What would god think of all this?
We dare not look upon his face,
For fear of disgust and disgrace,
But instead turn all these blind eyes,
Back to this life we've built of lies.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Okay, so I didn't really see any mistakes with this, some of the lines were a bit sketchy, but all in all, I loved this poem! It's one of the best I've read so far on YWS. It is rather short, but that's okay. It's got vivid imagery and a striking description, the title especially fits. I love it all, haha. Good work, and good luck with the rest of your writing!
Hey there anonymoussoul7, welcome to YWS.
Anyway, your poetry is one of those rare gems that has both a perfect rhythm and a confident and sustained portrayal of images and it's simply ingenious. My favourite thing about this poem is the flow. It's stylistic and original so it covers up the cliches and it just tells the reader the message like they've known it for years. I'm reading this thinking, "Yeah... Yep!... Life of lies, it sure is." Not literally obviously, but you know what I mean. You've convinced me. There's just a couple improvements such as typos of the word "but" here:
And the lack of punctuation in lines such as this:
Which I think could do with a semi-colon ending. There's also some lines you might want to break in two with a comma to get that fluency even better.
I loved it all the way through and thought both the start and ending were captivating and full of effect.
Keep it up,
Ben