Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for violence and mature content.
PTSD makes you do weird, weird things.
Things you wouldn’t ‘normally’ do.
Things that make you wish that you had escaped before they permanently scarred you.
PTSD makes you drive down a road way too fast
Because you’ve been so depressed for so long
Maybe an adrenaline rush will spark something,
But all it does is put you on edge, and remind you that they could hurt you.
They could find you. They could hurt you. They can find you. They can hurt you. He will find you. He will hurt you. He’s going to hurt you again-
And you just barely hit the breaks before you run off the road.
PTSD makes you sit with your back pressed against the wall, eyes darting back and forth between whoever you’re with and the door.
You have to be facing the door. If you’re not looking at the door, they could sneak up on you, and they could grab you and hurt you again, and you can’t let them hurt you again. You can’t let him hurt you again, you can’t let him take it from you again.
And you end up leaving early, because the paranoia is making you feel sick.
PTSD will make you yell at your sister, even though you were never mad at her in the first place. But you’ve been stuck in fight or flight for so long, and your only option was to run for so long, and you lose control and you can’t stop yourself and you watch tears stream down her face as you spit vile words at her, all because she left dishes in the wrong side of the sink.
PTSD will make you stay up hour upon hour, checking that every single door and every single window is locked. You can’t leave anything unchecked, because they could get in, and they could hurt you. And you know you locked the door, but you have to make sure that you locked the door, because if you didn’t he could get in and push you into your bedroom and take what he’s already stolen again and again, and you have to make sure that you locked the door, but you’re not quite sure, so you go out again to lock the door but you’re so scared that you bring a baseball bat with you because you can’t let him hurt you again, you won’t let him hurt you again-
And the next morning, the door is still locked.
PTSD makes people stay away from you, because they can’t touch you, or you’ll start crying and you could start screaming. Nobody wants to go out with you because you won’t listen to what they have to say because you’re too busy looking at the door. People won’t get in the car with you because if you have a flashback, you could run off the road, and hurt both of you. And they don’t want to watch you break down and isolate yourself because you can’t trust anyone anymore, not after he hurt you so bad, no amount of stitches or medications could heal your trauma.
I love this. As someone who has PTSD I can relate to this so much. I love the way it was written and how true and raw it really is. I loved everything about this poem it was just so honest and allowed me to connect so well. The details really helped paint a story and image that went well with the poem. There is alot of feelings that this poem brings out and it is one of my favorites. Thankyou so much for writing. I hope to read more from you soon. 
Hello,
Reading through this felt so real! It's really well-written, and it has a lot of imagery. It's a real disorder, and you really made this come to life... and made me see how this experience is like. Of course, I'll never fully understand it because I have never gone through this, and I'll probably never understand how it would actually feel like to a person... but you described this in so much detail that I could feel emotion. Especially when you continuously used phrases like "they would find you" or "he would hurt you again"... I thought this really added to the emotion conveyed from this character. I really, really thought that was well done!
The only few words that you can probably remove is the "for so long" in the line "and the only option was to run for so long".
This is really the only thing I saw... other than that, I loved reading through this so much! I really hope to read any more work from you!
OMG reading this poem was like realizing someone else gets it. I have a bit of PTSD (Not that anyone I know in person would actually believe me when I try to tell them) from something that happened when I was younger. Now I don't let people get to close to me and It hurts me because I want to be close to someone and I just won't let it happen. It hurts them too. But people really don't understand how hard it is to live with. To always have to be alert of everything around you. And since the incident of 2013, as I like to call what happened to me, I've learned that there are dangers everywhere. Thank you for making me feel not so alone in my struggle.
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