Published November 11, 2011
We walk outside with our heads bowed low,
against the November chill.
They tell us to remember them,
and remember them we will.
We remember all those who fought,
in that cold, violent war.
We give our thanks for freedom
and poppies litter the floor.
The trumpets begin their song,
and the strings tug at our hearts.
The boy climbs to the podium.
'In Flanders Fields,' he starts.
The soldiers in the corner stand,
flags poised, to the sky they tilt.
Their caps low, their arms out wide,
but soon they begin to wilt.
The Reverend says his prayer
as we all bow our heads.
And we remember, we remember
how only the poppies stayed bright red
'They shall not grow old! They shall not grow old!'
His vioce booms over the grounds.
And in the morning, we remember.
Then the Last Post sounds.
We stay as quiet as can be,
as our hands ball into fists.
The cold bites our ears and toes
under the November mist.
Two minutes pass, the reveille sounds.
We all let out a sigh.
Souls of the Righteous sing and shiver
then slowly fade and die.
The head master speaks, loud but kind:
'For all that makes for peace.'
The Reverend returns, 'AMEN.' he says.
And then all the voices cease.
We walk inside with our heads bowed low,
so we can talk where no one will hear.
They tell us to remember them,
honor, love, remember them!
But we forget until next year.
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141,410 Literary Works • 674,390 Reviews
this is really good. can i just say the only thing i can? ....EPIC... there are a few things here and there that could be improved on and i think that they have pretty much been said. but wow, this is one of the best poems i have ever come across because it is short and to the point. it gets the message across and really makes you think about how people are actually like that. they forget until the next year.
keep writting epic things!
Soap
pm me if you need a review
Thank you SOOOO much for posting this =) And it's mostly true, that last line... Sadly. But not this gal here!!!
God bless our troops!!!
Anyway, beautiful job on the poem =) Once again, thank you for posting this. It means a lot to me
~The Scratt
I only really have one word to describe this poem... AMAZING. I read it like six times because I was so impressed especially when I saw that you were only 13. I take this poem close to my heart because my dad's been a veteran longer than I've been alive. I like the use of certain vocab terms you used and the flow of this poem was beautiful. The rhythm was very good and the whole thing was just incredibly memorable. I do hope you continue with writing poems like this. Good job!
I hate short, pointless comments. But I only have one word.
Beautiful.
I think it was a lovely topic to write about and I hope it is something dear to your heart. But I agree with Angel- it seems like you forced it out and that you didn't really relate to anything you wrote. But it flowed PRETTY well, was easy to keep interested in and rhymed (a total plus!). Apart from those few issues it was FABULOUS! I will send you a friend request as I hope we could speak more because you are an author blossoming! Please take a view at my work too. -RealWriter99
The only grammar mistake I really noticed what that you misspelled voice. Other than that, the grammar was good. I read the title to this piece and was honestly about to freak out and totally rip on it. But then I read it, and was like oh=] They're not asking for ponies or a boyfriend for that whole make a wish on eleven eleven crap. They're ACTUALLY talking about what everyone should have been talking about today.
I really liked this piece. I thought there were a few parts that seemed a tad forced, but it really did flow well in all. There isn't a lot of form poetry that I enjoy, but this is probably one of them. I wish I had found this sooner, I probably would have had it added to our veterans day assembly courtesy of a young anonymous author. But anyway. I really really enjoyed this. I have a friend who is in the service now, and when I read his name on the screen today I nearly cried and this poem made me think of him again. So thank you for that. Really, good job.
Wow! This poem is amazing and so are you. I am usually put off by long poems but this one drew me in and had me hooked till the very end. And by the way, that ending was the best bit. Such a blunt, depressing, convicting twist was a perfect ending to a perfect poem.
A few things though.
Fantastic poem.
Great job, I would give a review and nit-pick, but that has already been done. Any-whoooo, great job, again.
Hi! Here to review~~
I like this poem. It has a nice rhythm to it, which I like. The grammar is sound, and the idea good. I like the descriptions you've kept, they give life to this poem. You've kept a conversation-sort-of thing here which is, like, really hard to do.
Nitpicks~
I think you can remove the period here and replace it with a comma.
I love this paragraph <3
:/ This didn't flow well. It seems forced, unnatural, after the steady rhythm
Apart from this it was a nice poem
-Angel