Saviour

by annapapadimitriou123
  • August 9, 2010
  • Poetry
  • Dramatic

She’s scared because she knows they’re there,
But they also could be anywhere
She’s scared because she can’t end this life
Not with a shotgun.
Not even a knife.
She’s scared because this makes no sense
She wants to feel strong- like there is some defense
She’s scared because she’s falling down
And only He can save her now.

Comments & reviews · 3
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

User avatar
kitrosemon13
Review
kitrosemon13 wrote a review · Tue Aug 10, 2010 7:47 pm

This was well written but use commas! This can easily be fixed just so it can flow better instead of being choppy.

annapapadimitriou123 wrote:She’s scared because she knows they’re there,
But they also could be anywhere... (Let it edge on a bit to build up the suspense.)
She’s scared because she can’t end this life,
Not with a shotgun or even a knife. (so it won't be to choppy.)
She’s scared because this makes no sense, (comma)
She wants to feel strong- like there is some defense.
She’s scared because she’s falling down. (period)


And only He can save her now.


Set it up so it can be more readable. Good luck and keep writing.

User avatar
britishwannabe
Comment
britishwannabe commented · Tue Aug 10, 2010 2:40 am

this poem flows really well, i could read it through very easily



Be the annoying goose you want to see in the world.
— Welcome to Night Vale