Published January 11, 2008
Laura looks good in pink,
She reminds of a bubble gum that's gone in just one wink.
Because somebody's bound to eat her good taste,
To not eat her up would be such i big disgrace.
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141,399 Literary Works • 674,387 Reviews
I like it because I read it as the poem was extremely sexual but said it in a way the everybody could read it. Do you know what I mean? Well, maybe I was reading it wrong, but I liked it anyway.
I like this. I think it could use a little editing for grammar and structure and whatnot (as evidenced above), but I like the idea of it quite a bit. It's really creepy. I'm not sure if it's what you've intended, but you've created this image in my mind of a young girl who's sweet and innocent, and then we have this eerily faux-innocent threat to her. She's being "eaten," consumed by someone or something that's admiring her for her sweetness. It makes me think of paedophiles and it's creepy and that's really good. Keep it up! (Just put a little more effort into grammar/spelling/punctuation.)
However, please do not double-post, especially on your own work. YWS is not a superfast forum like Gaia, where you have to keep bumping to get any sort of response. Replies may be awhile in coming, but they're usually worth waiting for. Just be patient, maybe review other people's work while waiting for responses to your own (you're supposed to keep at least a 2:1 ratio of reviews to submissions, anyway).
Also, it doesn't look like you've introduced yourself, so why not mosey on over to the Welcome Forum and do that before catching up on your review count (you should have at least eight right now, and the ones on your own work don't count).