Hi! DragonNoir here for a review!
I must say, you picked quite a deep theme for this poem, which is perfectly fine, but you have to remember to watch what you say, since it's also a common issue across the world. Either way, onto the technical bits:
I haven't seen any real mistakes, but there is one thing I'd like to point out:
"Wasted away in an ice land" I personally would put "icy" or "ice cold" instead of just "ice". It just doesn't seem to sound right for me.
Other than that, I've seen you use caesura once, although I think you could've used enjambment when talking about how the narrator suffers, to just emphasise the seemingly endless list of pain she goes through.
On the more emotional side, I think you've represented this theme very effectively, with a broad use of devices (sorry if I sound too formal lol). I think you could've also included things which other people did in relation to what the narrator says. Like, did their family notice that something was wrong? Or did they completely ignore it?
Overall, I'd say this is a great piece, but you could add some more perspective from other people, not just the narrator.
I hope my review helped!
Points: 350
Reviews: 84
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