If I should perish...

hiya, I do agree with silentwords, the poem has enough strength to bring out the emphasis in the words. Other than that, I think it was a lovely poem and story. It had so much meaning and mystery wraped in layers creating depth. Loved it

This poem was incredible. I really enjoyed it! The only thing that annoyed me was when you would change the font around. I think that the first part in quotes should be italized, but I don't think you need to change the rest. The poem is powerful enough without it. I loved the story, and it almost brought tears to my eyes. I honestly don't have any complaints except for the font.

Loved it! You definetly have talent

Hello!
I'm Jojo and i shall be your reviewer for today!
This is really good, so i can't say that I'll be ll that helpful.

“If in this world,
should my body soon perish.
The arm of my lover
I shall still cherish.”-this doesn't feels as smooth as the rest of the poem "shall" isn't really doing a lot for it, and just saying "always will" would be much better suited)
Not fully did I realize
what these words ( would?)mean,- either past or future tense, not present.
until the fateful summer
that I turned thirteen.

The disease, they said - Let's try to keep this stanza in past tense also, just to make sure the reader isn't confused at the sudden change in reference.
was quite hard to pronounce,
but the nature of this sickness
meant death itself.
My world had been shattered,
none remained except I .
With tears brimming over
I asked “Doctor, why?”
Why is it that my life
is destined to end short?
No medical procedure
or cure of any sort.- #FF00FF ">really could rhyming going on here. Love it. for Real.

In one year I would lose
control of my hand.
In three, they say I'd
soon lack strength to stand.
The winter air would freeze me
and I’d lose a lot of weight.- so this is future tense, now. So let's keep it consistent.
If I entered unconsciousness,
I might not ever wake.- or would/may, but "might" works just as well.
I could not go home anymore,
nor could I finish school.
Soon my friends had stopped visiting,
all except one fool.

Every moment spent with him,
I always found rather queer.
He only ever made comments
that made no friendship clear.- #FF00FF ">Love it.
I found it quite astonishing
( because?) he never left my side.
Going out of his way to nurture me,
dealing penalties if I cried.( period)

“My lust for life in selfish glee,
to hunger performance beyond me
As I look at him, I feel envy
of a life with him that could never be.”
#0000FF ">-I don't really understand why you formed this into a dialogue.
It doesn't change the effect. Doesn't really add anything. I think it would be better suited as just a normal piece of the poem.

___________________________________________________

As I stumble through
these harsh-weathered times,
I know it is he
that must stay behind.
Fulfilling his future
far away from me,
not waiting for the day
I will cease to be.

#FF00FF ">I really like this.


To my faithful companion,
I offer gratitude,
for his love unfailing
provided solitude.
Remorse I feel for his love,
though twas’ all in vain,
but one love I know sure enough
is worth a lifetime of pain.
#FF00FF ">- probably the most powerful part of the poem. You really have a gift.