E - Everyone

Let There Be Light 1.0

PreviousNext

 As I stare down the long narrow path, watching as the sun slowly rises up into the early morning sky spreading its long missed warmth along the Earth, I slowly begin to realize that this path would lead me away from my family and the ways of life that I have known throughout my whole existence. By taking this drastic step I was forfeiting all my servants, clothes, and most of all, my brother James. If I really thought about it, what was this all about? Strolling along, I debate the pros and cons of leaving I realize I could still make it back to my warm and cozy bed before anyone notices that I left. On the other hand if I do go back I will be forced to marry. To most it would sound better to turn around and tell everyone that I had just been taking an early morning stroll but, they didn’t know Sir Henry. He was a monstrous man; he murders people for fun, his first victim was his court jester. His craving for blood was like a pregnant woman craving sweets. Unquenchable.

Standing there listening to the silence of the Kiel Woods where the small creatures still slept peacefully in their nice cozy habitats, unaware of what was going on all around them. The constant rhythm of the many pairs of feet beating the ground at a constant pace pierces through the serenity; heading in my direction! I then slip deeper into the woods as quietly as my brother would pursue a doe and her fawn in the spring.

Being the heir to the throne made it hard to do anything. It had become especially difficult after the announcement of my betrothal to Sir Henry. My father like most mere humans had a weakness; his was gambling. My father had never found joy in gambling with his allies proclaiming that “Dice will make foes out of allies!” So he took to gambling with his enemies saying, “Sasha, you cannot make more foes in a good dice game if you only play with your foes.” King Vernon had planned to use this to his advantage. He invited my father to play with him one day and set up a way for my father to lose. It could be said that he had stacked the odds. At that time King Vernon’s son, Sir Henry, had already asked for my hand in marriage thrice; each time he was sent away disappointed. When my father set down to this game King Vernon persuaded my father into using, me, his only daughter as a pawn to gamble over and settle all the debts that were owed. Leading me to my current predicament; running on the morning of my wedding day. Completely forgetting the fact that, Sir Henry had the most experienced tracker of our time, Dietrich, under his command.

“I know you are out here Sasha! You might as well come out and walk on your own.” Sir Henry’s voice echoes throughout the Kiel Woods, causing a few birds to flutter from their nests in fear, “If you waste my time and I have to find you... I’ll drag you back by your hair!" Oh my gods! How did they find me so fast?

My mind starts racing I could have sworn everyone except the guards had been asleep, but they wouldn’t have been able to see me flee into the shelter of the Kiel Woods. Challenging my mind to think as fast as it could, under such pressure. If I continued to run they would overcome me and I would be doomed to be married. Spying a nice little gathering of bushes, that would provide the perfect protection from onlookers nearby, I silently began running around in circles and other odd shapes, creating a rabbit trail my brother could be proud of, leaving it so that Dietrich could only attempt to figure out which direction I had gone. Then, carefully crawling into the small little thicket; wondering if it would be large enough to shield my whole body from sight. My dress began catching on the many thorns within the bushes, my hair grabbing hold amongst the branches, leaving me in a tangled mess, forcing me to stop and begin slowly sorting my delicate curls back into place. Hiding behind the nearest tree along with inside the thicket, I began silently praying that it would be enough to conceal me from Dietrich.

Noticing that I could see everything that was going on in front of me, and that the forest had fallen silent. My breath caught in my throat when Dietrich came prancing into the middle of the small clearing looking around slowing at the trees surrounding. Taking in several deep breathes, then a couple of deep gulps of air, before he began examining the ground. Seeing Dietrich bent over, in the middle of the clearing, trying to figure out which direction began filling my heart with joy; maybe I could actually escape! Perhaps I had actually tricked the master of tracking! Looking up suddenly and directly at me, staring hard his black beady eyes piercing into mine. He began slowly getting up, pointing in my direction mumbling under his breath. I couldn’t breathe. I could feel all the color draining from my face, all the hope fleeing for safety. For the longest time he stared deep into my eyes reading my soul, and all I could do was stare back at him and shudder at the darkness within his.

“What are you doing you fool!” Sir Henry demanded in such an outburst of anger. “Can you find her or not?”

“I already know where she is.” Dietrich flatly stated, his gaze never leaving mine.

When he finally broke the connection a sense of relief began washing over me. Starting to look all around me for an escape route, realizing that there was an area in the brush that was cleared almost like a tunnel. Right when I began to crawl, my father’s army ran into the clearing. Great just what exactly have I done to irritate the gods!

“She’s over there in the brush, spread out and search for her! Leave no rock unturned and no bush un-scorched.” Dietrich shouted out the orders to the group of soldiers.

“Excuse me! I give the orders around here!” Sir Henry declared demanding everyone’s attention like a spoiled brat.

“You’re excused.” Dietrich coolly responded.

“That’s not what I meant!” Sir Henry replied.

“Okay then what do you want them to do?” Dietrich inquired sarcastically.

“Spread out and look for her!” Sir Henry ordered the army of men surrounding him, just as I was clearing the end of the brush tunnel, and slowly getting up to avoid detection.

“Look there she is!” yelled a guard from nearby. Breaking out in a full run, clutching my staff in my right hand, and not worrying about what was snagging at my dress and, whether or not it was tearing; the only thing running through my mind was escape. Everything was a blur around me. Attempting to dodge right and left to avoid collision with a tree, turning my head slightly to see if anyone was following, I didn't even have time to dodge when I collided with something hard thinking it was a tree, whilst to find out it was a person. I sat dazed trying to clear my head, when I realized something sharp was touching my throat.

“Who are you?” The stranger whispered into my ear. His grasp wasn’t good for his curiosity, to peer through the shroud of darkness that was surrounding my face caused by the hood on my cloak that I was wearing over my outfit, was overwhelming.

“Now is that anyway to treat a lady?” I retort knocking away his sword from my throat using my staff that had fallen close by when I collided with this stranger. Then his gaze fell to my favorite traveling gown, it was a deep dark mahogany that fit my shape very well, almost too well. There was something about this stranger that almost seemed familiar; however I could not place my finger on whom he looked like.

“But on the other hand you would bring a pretty penny.” His was voice full of admiration and hope at a quick venture that would line his pockets with gold.

“Yeah and how would that be?” I inquire sarcastically, slowly getting up and dusting the dirt off of my garments, then making sure that my hood was on properly so he could not see my face through the darkness.

“You see your family must be very worried…” the stranger began explaining, “ and very rich to afford such fancy garments for their daughter. I am pretty sure they would thank me very handsomely if I were to escort you home.”

“That wouldn’t be a good idea you would not want to mess with my family." And silently adding to myself, I don’t even want to deal with them! Out of anger he swung his sword at me which made an easy block for my staff not even adding a niche to it. One thing I have learned from experience with my brother is if you can make a man angry enough and keep him that way he is very easy to defeat.

The stranger kept coming at me with blows high, low, and even some in between. This strange was much more different from anyone I had ever practiced with before. Each blow was becoming harder to block with only my staff between me and his sword.

“Jake what are you doing?” Someone screams from behind me, sounding weak. This was enough to distract me long enough for the man she called Jake’s double-edged sword to take place in my left shoulder, and when he pulled it out it left in its stead a deep gash. The impact sent me to the ground panting. I got up quickly despite the pain and started to run. I realized who that voice belonged to. One of the girls I released from my father’s dungeons before I had escaped, she also happened to be one of the decoys I bestowed with a dress of mine, so it would be easier for me to get away.

I faintly heard her tell the guy that was standing beside her “Josh, go get her, she could die out there, with a wound like that!” Her comment only caused me to run faster. I ran through all kinds of brush and bushes, getting tangled up in the vines which hung down from the trees. I pushed myself until I could barely move any farther. I had become so weak that I was stumbling, resulting in the man called Josh to reduce the distance between us. When realizing this I began pulling myself up one of the vines nearby. Using first my right arm then placing my left hand above my right and pulling myself up, biting back the searing pain that seemed to be spreading like a wildfire throughout my left side, starting with my left shoulder and then spreading downwards throughout my arm and into my wrist and hand, I continue onwards. The climb up seemed to take forever and the pain was only growing more unbearable every time I pulled myself up. When I finally reached the top I began slowly rocking first backwards then forwards.

Backwards…

Forwards…

Backwards…

Forwards….

Each time I was going a little farther towards the tree in front of me and also towards the tree behind me. Keeping a tight grip on the vine and setting my sites on the tree in front of me. Starting to get closer to the tree in the front I began swinging my legs out in hopes of wrapping them around the nearest tree branch. Noticing I wasn’t getting close enough I knew what I had to do. The moment of truth came when at the peak of my swing forwards I let go of the vine and began flying towards the tree branch. Reaching out my arms to grab the branch, I suddenly felt myself falling faster than I was going forwards, feeling the bark of the branch graze my fingers and wrapping them around it. Thank the gods, I did it. A sense of pride filled my heart. Take that world, I had actually just taken a leap of faith, which took more courage than I ever knew was in me. Suddenly, my fingers began slipping! Trying to get a better grasp upon the branch and pull myself up, when the pain in my left arm began to start overpowering my ability to pull myself up. I lost my grip! Hanging there with only my right arm holding onto the branch, my body drenched in sweat, looking first up at the branch trying to swing my left arm back onto the branch to pull myself up, then down at the looming ground below, my vision doubling, fear taking hold in my heart. Then it happened! My body plummeting towards the ground flaying, trying to grab something, anything to stop my fall! A sickening sound resounds, surrounding me. An intolerable, torturous pain fills my body and mind, panic takes hold of me and fills my bosom with fear.

Staring straight ahead I could see Josh’s tall tan figure with all his biceps and triceps pumping with adrenaline from the run that I had put him through. His bleak black hair glistening with sweat, tiny scratches from all the foliage that snagged at him covered the skin on his arms and hands.

“Awe there you are little missy!” he exclaimed as he spotted me.

That is when I slowly started losing my grip on reality, I could feel him pick me up and mutter something about still needing training. That is all I remember. For I fell into a deep dark riveting sleep that left me running for my life.

Comments & reviews · 5
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

User avatar
fruit4you
Review

Fruit4you here to review!!! So first off you need to indent your paragraphs, and make them shorter. When you end an idea and start a new one that's when you start a new paragraph. Also stick to either past or presence tense. You change between the two throughout your story.

"Standing there listening to the silence of the Kiel Woods where the small creatures still slept peacefully in their nice cozy habitats, unaware of what was going on all around them. " This is an incomplete sentences.

"My father like most mere humans had a weakness;" Should be "My father, like most humans, had a weakness;" There are a few more grammatical errors that I'm sure you could find and fix. Overall It is a truly lovely story. I'm excited to read what is going to happen next.

Keep writing! Fruit4you :) :) :)

User avatar
Juniper
Review
Juniper wrote a review · Thu Jun 04, 2009 2:10 am

Locked. Same story has been posted in Action/Adventure here: topic48606.html


If you'd like me to move your piece to Romantic Fiction, PM me and let me know.

User avatar
Kylan
Comment

Honestly, I don't want to read this until you change the grammar error in your title.

-Kylan

User avatar
nixonblitzen
Review

Hello, angelwing! I've marked the grammatical & spelling errors, and also showed you how I would reword some things the make them sound better.

There I was, standing at the edge of the path that would take me away from everything I [s]have[/s] had ever known [s]all my life[/s].


My servants, my family and, most of all, my younger sister Kayla.


But I refuse to be a pawn to my parents' evil schemes.


My father the evil vampire king got into some trouble with the rival emperor [s]and he[/s] who would only allow the debt to be paid in one way.


You see, [s]he has a[/s] his son Henry [s]who[/s] has come [s]to[/s] of age [s]to marry[/s] and his father wants the most beautiful[s]l[/s] vampire princess to be his bride.


Well anyways, my father had to enter me into the contest to be Henry's bride, and [s]unfortanatly[/s] unfortunately I won. [s]and well[/s] So here I am on the eve of my wedding.


I never [s]had the pleasure to hurt[/s] enjoyed hurting people [s]un[/s]like most of my family did.


My only friend I have had all my life Kayla I am now leaving in my attempt to stop the wedding by taking away the most important person involved on my families behalf, me.
...
Now I have to leave Kayla, the only friend I have ever had, in my attempt to stop the wedding. I'm taking away the most important person - me.


By the way, to make your italics work, start with [i].

It won't be [s]alright[/s] all right. I have already been found missing.


I heard people yelling behind me, "Red alert: Sasha is gone! I repeat, Sasha is gone!"


And like my parents would listen to me and stop the marriage. I was doing the right thing I would have to keep a low profile know that they are out looking for me.
I don't understand these lines at all.

I clutched my staff harder, until my knuckles turned even whiter than they already were. [s]as[/s] I took off running in order to get away from the sound of running [s]that was[/s] behind me as they began to spread out through the forest to look for me.


I could not allow my self to be caught; that would be the end of my chances to save myself.


The last sentence is confusing. It is a big run-on! Who is the "he"?

So, I think this is an interesting concept. I don't think you did enough explaining. Maybe it will come out in a later part, but the reader would like to know what kind of trouble Sasha's dad got in & why she won the contest & who the prisoner girls are & who's chasing after her & why she doesn't have any other friends besides her sister & why she wants to stop the wedding.

Also, check your tense shifts. Keep it consistent.

I'd like to read more!

Cheers,
Rachel



Anne felt that life was really not worth living without puffed sleeves.
— L. M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables