17 and heart broken

Thank you very much.. That was really really helpful.!

Deep. I Liked this. Though I do have a few complaints, praises and a tip...

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Complaints:

angelmince wrote:It Amaze Me How you actually looked straight into my eyes and lied to me

angelmince wrote:#FF0000 ">It Amaze Me How (Should Be: It amazes me how) you #FF0000 ">actually (I would remove "actually")looked straight into my eyes and lied to me
After all that while thinking that you #FF0000 ">are (Should be: were) nothing like the goons I used to date.
You filled me up with lies and #FF0000 ">made me believe every single word you said(Could be: And I believed... Because he can't really MAKE you believe everything), never having one single doubt about you #FF0000 ">(Plus it flows with this line!:) ).
I #FF0000 ">remembered (Remember) the day I met you, I thought you were "peng",but your game got me fooled cause I thought you were real.
You came up to me, #FF0000 ">you (Could be: And...)asked for my number,I gave it to you #FF0000 ">with no(Could be without) hesitation.
Then we started linking , late night conversations on the phone, butterflies in my stomach, getting excited when I see you.
#FF0000 ">(You could have started a new sentence instead of carrying on with the commas.)
The next thing I knew, I was falling for you.
I thought #FF0000 ">you're (you're is usually read as you are which is present tense. Change to you were.) the one for me and I had no doubt in getting it on with #FF0000 ">you (You could italicize there).
I #FF0000 ">remembered (remember, stick to tense) that #FF0000 ">faithful (Fateful)day I went (Could be came, in fact it could be: I came over. Shortens the sentence) to your house, kissing up my neck and taking it slow#0000FF ">...
You whispered something in my ear about #FF0000 ">how you loved me
Being 17 and naive I believed you.
#FF0000 ">(Skip a line, new stanza. I noticed your poem had none which was discouraging)
The next thing I knew, my phone was blasting off the hook.
Your boys calling me and asking me for "beats"
I Went to school and everyone started calling me a slag! (One exclamation mark doesn't hurt. Gives imitation of crying)
I called your phone but you forwarded my calls, I texted (There wass no need for "your phone" because it doesn't matter, you still texted) and you blatantly ignored me.
I was surprised, #FF0000 ">shooked (Should be shocked)and confused. (I get where you were going with the ands but just putting a comma is better.)
My mind went blank and I felt all alone
Shivering in a (Instead of the) cold heartless world
With no one to dry my tears
My phone started ringing and your name flashed across the screen.
I got excited and picked up
The next thing I heard is you telling me, "It#FF0000 ">'s over" (One dialogue piece would make a great ending!)

angelmince wrote:[color=#FF0000 ]It amazes me how you looked straight into my eyes, and lied to me.
After all that while thinking that you were nothing like the goons I used to date.
You filled me up with lies and I believed every word, never having one single doubt about you.

I remember the day I met you.
I thought you were "peng",but your game got me fooled cause I thought you were real.
You came up to me and asked for my number, I gave it to you, no hesitation.
Then we started linking, late night conversations on the phone, butterflies in my stomach, getting excited whenever I saw you.
The next thing I knew, I was falling for you.
I thought you were the one for me and I had no doubt in 'getting it on' with you.
I remember the fateful day I came over, kissing up my neck and taking it slow...
You whispered something in my ear about how 'you love me'
Being 17 and naive I believed you.

The next thing I knew, my phone was blasting off the hook.
Your boys calling me and asking me for "beats"
At school I was, "Slag". Slag!
I called your phone but you forwarded my calls, I texted and you blatantly ignored me.
I was surprised, shocked, confused.
My mind went blank and I was all alone
Shivering in a cold heartless world
With no one to dry my tears

Then my phone started ringing and your name flashed across the screen.
I got excited and picked up
The next thing I heard was you telling me, "It's over."