z

Young Writers Society



The Movie Theater Rooftop

by angeldistrict98


Rooftop

“Watch your step,” He warned as he climbed up onto the roof of the dilapidated Movie Theater. I climbed up after him and he smiled cheekily. “This is my favoritest place in the entire world!” He said spreading out his arms in an over exaggerated gesture to the area around him.

I looked around the flat roof was plain; however the rolling hills on my left and view of the entire town on my right was gorgeous. “This is amazing!” I exclaimed as I ran to look at the hills in the distance and I felt him at my side. “Thanks for showing me,” I stated gratefully receiving a nod and another cheeky grin.

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“Its okay,” he reassured as he held me in his arms. I was still sobbing and he sighed holding me tighter. “That jackass will never hurt you again,” he promised rubbing my arm comfortingly. Accidently running his hand over one of my bruises and I winced.

“How could I let myself go through that?” I sobbed into his chest still shaking under his grip. Eventually I calmed and we laid there on top of the Movie Theater him with his arm around me occasionally whispering something to me.

We stared up at the stars he pointed out some of the constellations to me and I felt safe again. He was always there, even after when I had blatantly ignored him and went out with a guy who repeatedly beat me. He was always there just to pick up the pieces.

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“Well, well Happy Fourth of July,” I turned to see him standing there smiling down at me as I sat at the edge of the theater roof dangling me feet over the edge waiting for fireworks to light the sky.

“You just can’t stay away from me, huh?” I joked as he sat down next to me. We hadn’t talked in about a year and he looked so much different. His dark hair had grown almost over his laughing eyes and his clothes hung loosely off his body.

“You just can’t stay away from this rooftop, huh?” he smiled at me and I realized how much I missed him over the year we hadn’t talked. It hadn’t been even mildly intentional, we had both just been busy and haven’t had a chance to really see each other, let alone talk.

“I guess I really can’t stay away from this place.” I admitted as I leaned back a bit to look up at the stars above my head. He did the same, but his body seemed tensed. “Are you okay?” I asked, He looked at me with his emerald eyes and smiled his body relaxing.

“I’m fine,” he reassured, turning his eyes back up to the sky. “I am curious though I guess… Where is your boyfriend?”

“Boyfriend?” I questioned in confusion sitting back up and tilting my head sideways to stare at him.

“What? You don’t have one?” He asked just as confused as I was.

“No, I haven’t had a boyfriend since Chris and that was months ago. Why do you have a girlfriend or something? Why did you just bring it up?” He looked at me quizzically for a moment before he finally answered.

“I’ve never had a girlfriend, why do you think I would get one now? Just forget it, I don’t know random thought.” He shrugged and I nodded disbelievingly. Weird. I was about to begin contemplating his weird question when the fireworks started. I watched the fireworks briefly before my brain got the better of me and I looked over at him. His face could have very well belonged to a five-year-old as he watched the fireworks. He noticed me staring and smiled at me, for once I saw my old best friend as something else…attractive, very attractive.

Wait, did you just think your old best friend was attractive? No, you couldn’t have thought that about someone who you called your brother for at least half your life. No way. But you did…said some voice in the back in my mind. Stupid dumbass voice. Did I just call some voice in my head stupid? God, that can’t be a good sign.

“What would you do if I told you I loved you?” he asked quietly staring deeply into my eyes, I had to keep my mouth from physically dropping. Did he just ask that?

“What would you say if I said no?” I replied shyly after a slight moment of hesitation.

“Damn,” he answered looking back up at the fireworks.

“What?”

“If I told you I loved you and you said no, I would say damn.” He clarified in a melancholy tone.

“What if I said I did love you?” I asked smiling at his suddenly excited face.

“I would say kiss me.” I shook my head laughing but followed his order. This has to be the biggest cliché out there, and damn, I hate clichés. I guess I’ll have to make an exception…just once, just for him.

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58 Reviews

Points: 3696
Reviews: 58

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Tue Jun 12, 2012 7:50 pm
Ktg17 wrote a review...



Hello there!

I really liked this piece. It was thoughtful and short and sweet. :)

I think if you wanted to expand this a little more, you could add to the characters. You gave a small description of the boy's appearance, but I didn't see much on the girl. You can tell us their thoughts, opinions, appearances, etc. I personally always like it when you make the character all their own--make them unique. You could give them a special quirk or show us parts of their personality that make them stand out.

Also, I agree with laylaflame that it will really help your readers out if you space the paragraphs out better. It just makes it easier to read :)

One other quick thing I would do is add to a few parts, like when he is comforting her after the break up and when he kisses her. I was kind of confused with how they met too, and at the beginning I didn't realize they were just friends so you may want to make those parts just a little bit clearer.

Overall, I think it's a good piece! If you have any questions feel free to let me know and I would love to help! Keep writing!

~Ktg




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39 Reviews

Points: 2209
Reviews: 39

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Tue Jun 12, 2012 12:38 pm
laylaflame wrote a review...



Hi there!

This was a sweet story, but I was a little lost at the start I guess. It jumped around a little bit. First things first, Lines between your paragraphs, it helps tremendously. The little line/break things you have are pretty, but at least put space between those as well. So thats blank lines between the pretty things you have, and within the text. :)

As for the actual plot, it was cliche, but it was a nice cliche! The relationship between the characters seemed realm though it wasn't very personal. As in, there was no mention of little idividual things that made that relationship more special than any other romantic couple.

The dialog was good, and believable, which is important for a good romance I think, although discription was a little lacking, I'll forgive you:)

As I read it, I was picturing everything that was happening as if they were scenes from a movie. As it was a very movie-like plot. Although they may just have been because the beginning was set on top of a theatre... So it could just be my subconcious.

There wasn't any major mistakes I found (except for well, the paragraphing:P), so if you wish to edit it, I would perhaps put in more about their realtionship building up. As you have done in the middle section where he supported her when she was hurt.

Overall, welldone. This was very sweet :)





When your heart gets pierced with arrows, don't rip them out and pierce those around you in retribution for your hurt. You'll only unnecessarily wound others and bleed to death yourself.
— LadyMysterio